This Saturday our family had the privilege of being invited to attend Kevin's friend's grandfather's 80th birthday party. Kevin's friend (Lief) is from a suburb of Tianjin, a smaller town that takes about an hour to drive to (assuming you are in a car rather than a bus and there is little to no traffic). We knew VERY little details about the party before we went, which is nothing a-typical here in China (the eastern perspective on time is very much short-term focused rather than our western mindset that is long-term--meaning Americans plan far in advance and Chinese pretty much NEVER do!). Also, information in general in the eastern culture is rarely disseminated very widely. The usual practice is for information to be withheld--kind of like a power play, especially within businesses between superiors and their subordinates. Now, while there was obviously NO intention of a power play on Lief or his family's part, what we've discovered over the last year is that because information is so regularly withheld, it kind of becomes the norm for people here, so that even in situations that more details COULD be given, it is the habit that has been formed that it NOT be given! Make sense? All this to say, we went into Saturday ill prepared, to say the least!
We knew we were to be picked up at the baseball field where Lief lives at 1:30 in the afternoon. Since that is normally when Hud and Noah are going down for their afternoon nap, we adjusted their schedules for the day, and by no small miracle, were able to get both boys to take a short nap starting earlier in the afternoon. Whew! I thought we might have a later evening, but little did I know all that we were really in for! We waited at the baseball field and the kids had a few minutes to climb on the bull statues (seen in the pics) before we were kicked off of them. So a van came and picked up our family and Lief with Lief's dad in the front seat and a hired driver. We were so overwhelmed at the hospitality already of Lief's parents in the efforts just to get our family there! However, my first "oops!" moment was seeing how Lief's dad was dressed. NICE dress shirt and pants--extremely unusual for ANY Chinese even we've been to yet--even the one wedding we've attended! Yikes! We then drove through Tianjin for some time to pick up another one of Lief's father's friends who was to attend the party (again, dressed much more formally than any of the Joseph clan). After a little over an hour in the car, we arrived at Lief's family's home.
As we unloaded from the van, we already had a captive audience. This suburb was even less accustomed to foreigners, especially blonde-haired little ones, and more enthusiastic to hear "our story" and stare in awe. We made it inside without major incident, where Kevin then whispered to me, "Don't freak out, but the party doesn't start until 6pm!" Now, this was at about 2:45pm. I looked around the small apartment we were in, with food and drinks covering the coffee table in anticipation of our arrival, and my heart totally sank as I counted the number of small, breakable objects spread throughout the ENTIRE house that were just begging my somewhat out of control 15-month old to grab them and smash them to pieces! My first thought--how in the world are we going to make it through 3 hours of being in here without totally destroying the place. My second--is there any chance we can make it that late of an evening without TOTAL meltdown from someone (maybe even me?!). Kevin, reading the panic on my face, gave me a quick pep talk, and we were off.
I'll try to paint the picture. Hospitality is HUGE in China. Oh, and when you are offered something to eat or drink, you are supposed to politely decline, to which the host is then supposed to offer once again. This exchange is supposed to go back and forth a few rounds, and then the third time you can actually accept the offer of food or drink. (I know, sounds crazy to our straight-forward American thinking, but keep in mind, we Americans, too have some crazy cultural practices that we don't even realize!) So I've adjusted to this new cultural norm and am generally okay with playing the game, however, if you really don't want to eat or drink or really can't (as in the situation in which your toddler is roaming free to explore every safety hazard within reach), this really can pose somewhat of a problem! After refusing tea 2 times, Lief's mom insisted that I take a cup in my hands. I was holding the teacup for no more than 8 seconds before Noah found trouble--the mostly full teapot sitting on the teapot. Which he, of course, being the curious toddler that he is, poured out all over the coffee table and floor. If this was an isolated incident, maybe I wouldn't still find it so humorous, but the rest of the afternoon ensued in about the same fashion, with Lief's mom insisting my hands be occupied with one thing or another (food, more drinks, photos of Lief as a kid, etc.), making my availability to thwart Noah's destruction virtually impossible. I THINK we walked away from the afternoon with nothing major being broken--again, no small miracle! This is probably partly due to the fact that we were able to "escape" outside for a good portion of our 3-hour wait. Praise God for a beautiful day that allowed us outside play!
At the boys suggestion, we decided to bring a soft baseball that I had packed in my "bag of tricks" for the trip outside to play. We found a courtyard (with the ground covered in brick rather than grass, of course) that we decided was suitable for play. We spent the next hour and a half or two out there with our family and Lief, running around and playing different games, dodging the MANY piles of doggie poo as best we could. At one point, Kevin looked at me and said, "You realize that this is basically the main bathroom spot for all the animals in the apartment complex don't you?" To which I responded, "Yes. And the fact that it doesn't phase me a bit, nor the fact that Noah will probably end up with this very same dirty shoe in his mouth at some point later today (one of his favorite things to keep himself busy while in the stroller), tells you a whole lot about both where I am in "survival mode" right now and how much I have changed over the last year!" So we threw up a prayer for health and for safety as we raced around on hard uneven brick ground littered with broken pieces of debris and poop! And the kids loved every minute. At one point, Kevin noted to me how funny it was that there was nothing unusual about the whole situation to the kids. Their new normal has truly altered, and it's amazing to see just how adaptable they are to so many different situations!
So we finally made it to the part before 6. Keep in mind we had been outside playing for about two hours, and we'd had an hour of travel in the car. So I wasn't exactly feeling "fresh" as far as clothes or make-up were concerned. I immediately noticed a difference in this party to any other we've seen or been to. (Birthday parties in Chinese homes are pretty rare, as a rule. Generally, the parents don't give their children gifts on their birthday [but don't feel too badly, they usually give them a LOT of stuff throughout the year, just not especially on birthdays]. And usually, rather than the friends taking you out to eat or to celebrate, if it is your birthday, then YOU take your friends out to a restaurant and pick up the tab! This is one cultural difference I'm not sure I'll ever get used to!) So I honestly wasn't expecting this party to be a big deal, knowing that it was Lief's parents who were the ones hosting it. Boy, was I wrong! It was the most formal venue we've been to here in China (a large ballroom with ornate, and yes, gaudy, chandeliers that was in a hotel). There were probably about 200 to 300 guests, and the food and alcohol were abundant! As I watched the attendees arrive, I once again felt my stomach drop as I looked at our family's athletic pants on the boys and the jeans Kevin and I donned. But as under-dressed as we obviously were, would you believe that I did not ONCE feel like anyone was looking down their nose at us or possibly making snide remarks about how clueless we were!
Being the only foreigners there, we expected to be considered a little bit of the entertainment. But man, talk about being more in the limelight than I ever hoped to be! Noah was carried around by different relatives of Lief (to which he most of the time responded quite enthusiastically, responding with a wave to all of the new friends he was making from table to table). Everyone loved the yang wa-wa (western babydoll), and every time he returned he had at least one, if not two, pieces of large, round, hard candy in his fists, squealing in his obvious plea for me to open the wrapper. I must confess that I gave in several times, in spite of the unbelievable choking hazard it was, just to avoid his persistent screams. But after the 5th or 6th round I drew the line on the candy intake.
Seafood is considered the most formal food to serve, as it is more expensive and considered more of a delicacy. So our table was covered with hard-shell crabs, whole fish (bones, scales, fins all still intact, which is the norm here) and HUGE prawns. While this was not exactly the most convenient food for us to eat, as all of it required quite a bit of manual labor to actually ingest the meat that you wanted rather than all of the "extras", it did provide a great deal of entertainment for the kids. Each of the boys played with crab claws for quite some time and Karis had fun peeling and eating some of the huge prawns (shrimp are one of her favorite foods). I put the tiniest drop of bi jiu in my cup, Chinese "white wine" which is actually REALLY strong liquor--50% alcohol, I'm told, to taste. The worst drink I think I've ever had in my mouth! Kevin was glad that he didn't have to be concerned about me developing a taste for alcohol, even amidst such culturally stressful environments!
After we'd eaten, we really got to take center stage. Literally. Our family was called up to the MC with the microphone to sing "happy birthday" in English to Lief's grandfather. Luckily, we were prepped for this before hand, so the kids agreed to the deal and did a great job. The audience loved it. So much so, that the MC decided we should continue! He told Kevin next that he and I should sing a duet for the crowd (of 200 + people)! Now I'm not sure if there's some sterotype similar to "all African Americans can dance" that says that "all Americans can sing", but this MC obviously thought so. Mind you, NO ONE else was on stage singing, except the one cousin of Lief's who was a professional singer. That's right--her job is singing opera. But for whatever reason, the MC thought Kevin and I would just have a song in our hearts that needed to come out--without even having accompanying music! I assured both Kevin and the MC that this was definitely NOT the case (yes, on stage, in front of the whole audience), and we were saved by Eli! My more shy-natured child, who totally came through clutch for us all! He came forward and offered to sing one of his school songs for the crowd. So he did one verse of "Be Careful Little Eyes What You See", followed by Karis singing another verse of the same song, followed by Hud singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" in Chinese. The crowd loved them, and Kevin and I were off the hook. After the Von Trapp family performance, Kevin assured me that the next time we were in such a situation (please Lord, let it not be so!), we are GOING to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" whether I like it or not (this is our favorite 80's duet to belt out when we need a break-the-tension moment in our family). So guess we need to start the rehearsals?! Oh, and Kevin did his part wonderfully, holding the mic and having several opportunities to get language practice when he was put on the spot to tell a little about himself and his family and to offer several toasts to Lief's grandfather.
After eating some of the 8-tiered cake for dessert, which we were extremely thankful that it made it to the cake-cutting time, due to the fact that it was on the same stage where our wild hoodlums were running around and dancing for a good portion of the evening, we let the kids run around in the hotel hallways for a little while to expend energy in a place free from totally disrupting everyone else (or so we hoped!). The last part of our evening entertainment was the gift presentation. Our family (and no others--which I'm still not sure why), was called up on stage again by the MC to present Lief's grandfather with his bday gifts. We had brought two bottles of red wine (as suggested by pretty much everyone we talked to, as red wine is consdiered good for older people's health and you should give gifts in pairs) and the kids had all done some artwork and crafts to give. Oh, and Hudson found a huge leaf on the way to the party that he included in the gift bag. Once our presentation was complete, the van driver was called to come and get us (just after 8pm) and we were off to drive back home. We made it a little after 9, exhausted and smelling so strongly of smoke we decided to throw the kids in the tub for a quick wash in spite of the late hour.
Talk about an incredible experience and a long day! We're so hoping that our efforts to be there and take part communicated love to Lief and his family, and that our (no doubt, many) social blunders will be extended grace! We were so thrilled with how well the kids did, that we let them pick their reward the next day--which included McDonald's after church for lunch and the new ice cream that they have on their menus (blizzard-like with Oreos mixed in, oh, and a dollar-store equivalent toy that I think all 4 of have already broken!)
