This past week was an emotional one for me. For whatever reason, I just kind of hit a wall and felt really lonely and isolated! I was so excited that we had a whole week of "vacation" to look forward to, as it is a national holiday here in China that ends up giving us a weeks' break from school for us and the kids, and really wanted to plan some fun activities for us to do during the hiatus from our normal routine. I kept trying to have these talks with Kevin to coordinate schedules and see how much I could get him to agree to as far as hosting other families--mainly western ones that we just rarely spend much time with. [We try to spend as much time with our national Chinese friends as we can; since we only have so many free hours in a week, that means we just don't get a ton of social time in with our western friends here a lot of the time. But something has got to give, right?] So what I've realized is this: while I have been sooooooo blessed to develop several really meaningful relationships with Chinese friends here, I still really depend on the time with my western girl friends in order to re-charge and get refreshed. Most of my time with my Chinese friends ends up as a "pouring out" time; which I absolutely LOVE, but also end up feeling really drained as a result of (not to mention the time element--which here in China, means spending 3 or more hours together at any given "hang out" time as the norm.)
So try as I might, I could NOT get Kevin to agree to all of my well-laid plans for social time with a few other families. I finally broke down in tears on Wednesday night, and might even be found guilty of saying a few accusatory statements like, "You aren't helping meet my emotional needs!" And, "I'm not the same as you as far as what I need socially in friendships!" Kevin handled the remarks and my tears well and gently, with a few chuckles along the way; but I was remarkably surprised that he did absolutely NOTHING to make any changes! (Normally, if I have an "unmet need" that I express, he is super fast to jump in and come up with a plan to see how he can help correct the situation so that I am happy and therefore the family is firing on all cylinders!) I went to bed feeling down and a little confused at his response.
On Thursday, we revisited the conversation again. This time with me expressing confusion at how I felt he had genuinely heard my woes, and yet had not done a thing to help me out. His response: laughter! He eventually just threw up his hands and said basically, make whatever plans you want and I'll just go along with them! So still confused, I planned. I set up a playdate with another mom and her two kids to come over to our apartment on Friday for lunch (when I knew Kevin would be out of town for a meeting he had in Beijing) and then decided to walk to a park with another mom and her 4 kids Friday evening for a picnic dinner there. The plan was for Kevin to come straight from the train station to the park on Friday night when he got back in town.
After a GREAT playdate with my friend Natalie and her two little ones on Friday morning, Kevin and I kept in touch throughout the afternoon as to his progress on his trip and when he thought he would make it back to Tianjin. Around 7pm he let me know that he was in the taxi and headed our way. He showed up at 7:15 and informed me and the kids that he had gotten balloons for them, but that they got to come pick them out. We walked down the path away from the playground area to discover the balloon vendor heading our way on their bike with about 100 balloons tied on the back--only the balloon vendor was no normal Chinese vendor. It was actually my Mom! She and Kevin had coordinated about 2 months ago for her to come in for a surprise visit and spend the week with our family! The kids and I were absolutely shocked and speechless! (Well, Eli wasn't so speechless. He immediately let Nana know the game he was playing with his friends--trip tag--and the rules so that she could join in the fun.) Hudson wanted to know if Nana rode the bike all the way from Dallas. Noah couldn't take his eyes off of the balloon-covered bicycle, and Karis just kept repeating, "Nana, I just can't believe you're HERE!" It was pretty precious all the way around. And as understanding of my husband's odd response to my emotional needs not being fulfilled dawned on me, I had to laugh at the irony. Here I was, thinking I knew what was best and what I needed, and all along he had a plan in store that was so much better than anything I could have asked for or imagined. What a great picture of a much bigger one...
So our week thus far has been fantastic. We played baseball with some of our Chinese friends on Saturday morning and then ate dinner at TGI Friday's that night. Our adventure on the way home included the battery on my three-wheeler once again almost completely sputtering out on me. Kevin insisted on switching places with me, so that I was riding his bike with Karis on the back (and wearing Noah in the Ergo carrier in front of me--a first for me to bike with two kids in tow!) and he was pedaling the three-wheeler up the incline to get home. After we made it up the hill, Karis and I waited for Kevin to arrive. My mom was slightly ahead of us with Hudson on the back of her bike. Karis started urging me on to hurry so that my mom and Hudson wouldn't "win" the race that we were apparently in. I explained to her that we would win the prize for being the most considerate, since we were waiting for Kevin and Eli to make sure they made it home safely, too. So when we got home, the boys took baths while Karis worked on some artwork. She designed individual "awards" for each of us in the race. For me, she drew a picture of a person with the word "nice" printed on it (because we were considerate and waited). For Nana, she drew a picture and wrote "You win!" on it (because Nana was the first to reach home). And for Kevin, she simply wrote, "You tried!" (because he, naturally, came in last place, but had to put forth great effort to even complete the event)! As we all compared our awards after we'd put the kids in bed, we found her artwork quite clever indeed!
We had a relaxing Sunday of going to church together (where we got to hear Kevin share about a 10 minute testimony during the service), and then going to eat lunch at the just-opened Subway sandwich shop. Talk about exciting! As far as I could tell amidst trying to run down Noah (I'd failed to bring his stroller to strap him in and there were certainly no high chairs to be had at the restaurant) and coerce the other kids to eat a few bites after having lots of snacks during the church service, the sandwich tasted even better than what we have Stateside. It's funny how I used to consider Subway only gas station/fast food type eating, and now consider it fine dining and a special treat! Oh, how much things change in a year... :)
On Monday we braved the throngs of people and went shopping at a really popular part of town. We took the kids to H&M--a total God-send of a clothing store here in China. It is truly the ONLY store I've found in China that is at all similar to anything we're used to in the States. We were able to find clothes for the kids (much needed after growth spurts and a much longer than expected winter last year, both taking their tolls on our kids' winter wardrobes!) and even a sweater for me. My mom then found a few gift items she was looking for to bring back upon her return to the States next week :( We tried to make the shopping experience fun for the kids, eating lunch at Papa John's pizza and getting McDonald's ice cream for dessert. Each of the kids got a cone with swirls of different colors. Our favorite was Hud's green swirl cone--kiwi flavor! Who would have guessed that such a combo exists?
On Tuesday we had fun exploring around our apartment community, showing off how well the kids are riding their bikes and playing tag outside with Nana (after doing lots of craft time in the morning, thanks to the loot that Nana brought with her from the US!). My mom and I took off on a "date" while Kevin watched the kids, and we ate lunch at one of my favorite spots here in town. We came home in time to fix dinner for two of our dear Chinese friends who were coming over to join us that evening for food, fellowship, and a chance to hang out with "LaoLao" (grandmother)!
Today has again been laid-back with lots of good family time. Kevin ran errands, buying a new battery for the three wheeler and making a trek across town to pay our five-months' heating bill so that it can be turned on when the start dates comes around (Oct. 15), while my mom and I played outside again with kids. My mom reconnected with several of our neighbors who remembered her from her previous visits. They were most concerned with who was at home taking care of my dad, and how I was going to take care of the 4 kids when she leaves this weekend to go back to the States. One neighbor was so excited they even ran home to get their badminton set, a game they'd played together during her last spring-time visit here! We are LOVING the beautiful weather that allows us so much time outdoors! Our ayi came over this afternoon with her college-aged daughter and taught my mom and me how to cook several of our favorite Chinese dishes. We had a great time learning and laughing in the kitchen! And I'm hoping that I can pick up a thing or two and be more adept at preparing Chinese dishes for our friends when they come over!
Tomorrow is our big trip. We leave in the morning to join several other families for a trip to the Great Wall, where we will spend two nights in a bed and breakfast-type place. We plan on going on a several hour long hike tomorrow afternoon (with the two youngest guys in backpacks) and maybe getting to pick fruit at an orchard and go horseback riding! The spot we're going to (called Ji Xian) is pretty new to us, as we've been only one time and for a very quick visit. But it's supposed to be a great place to get away and explore outdoors, and the friends we are going with are super-fun to spend time with, so we're expecting it to be a great time for all! (Even in spite of the fact that it was suggested we bring some extra padding for the beds, as the mattresses are more like wooden planks than the beds we're used to!) Sure there will be lots to tell...
