Don't Take the Cheese!

Kevin had a dream a few weeks ago that I thought summed up our emotional state perfectly. He dreamed that he was in a competition that involved two parts. The competition took place on a baseball mound; the first part required him to preach a sermon to the crowd and the second part was him having to pitch in the baseball game against San Francisco Giants All-Star Tim Lincecum! Ever since his days of playing pro baseball, he's had recurring dreams (or should I say nightmares!) during high-stress times of his life. The framework is always the same, with only slight variations. He's called in from the bullpen to pitch and realizes he can't find his glove, he's forgotten to put on his shoes, he has on the wrong uniform, etc. Each time, he's being asked to come in and do his job to support the team and he's unprepared to do so well! When he told me of this latest rendition of this nightmare with the sermon being included the next morning, we both couldn't help but laugh about it all through breakfast!

The number of stressors in our lives that are out of our control are really almost hilarious when we stop and add them up. In the last two weeks, we've had changes in our plans for visas for this next year, school for the kids, and how a huge chunk of our time is going to be spent for work and "extra" curricular activities. We've gone back and forth on wise financial decisions--specifically about purchasing a car and buying plane tickets to return to the US this summer. Our apartment is still on the market. Some of our family members are having health issues back in the US, with the severity still largely unknown. And the changes continue! I would love to give a status report, but know that again, so much is so up in the air that I would only have to spend the entire next blog making corrections! So for now, we'll suffice it to say that we're hoping in the next few weeks to be able to determine for sure where our visa is coming from (possibly Kevin and I both teaching part-time at the international school the kids attend or possibly from me being a full-time language student), what our involvement is going to be in our "extra curricular" activities as our meetings with those in charge continue, and then what we think we can afford long-term for the kids education (with Kevin and me teaching coming into play in regards to what their tuition will be). We did however, make one big decision as of last night--and that is that we ARE coming back to the States this summer for almost 6 weeks! We decided that if we waited until all the questions we have are answered there is no way we'd ever be able to make a decision. It feels like things change around here in the blink of an eye, so we might as well go ahead and pull the trigger on at least one of the things we have up in the air!  We're thrilled to be coming back, albeit brief, for a taste of home and some clean air in our lungs!

So after talking with a friend who's husband happens to be one of the international school principals, I found out that not only is the job that they are considering me for not what I thought (I thought it was high school English, when actually it is more of a special resources position for kids with language or learning difficulties), but there's  a decent chance that they don't need Kevin or me at all to fulfill specific roles.  I feel like I have been at the place where I was holding really loosely to our plan of school for the kids and my part-time job of teaching as well as the much looked-for visa it could provide, but this conversation still managed to rattle me much more than I expected.  I went to the school that morning to fulfill my volunteer hours with a knot in my stomach.  While I was at school and serving as the lunch room mom on duty for the elementary students, I was given the job of serving the kids cheese and salsa as they came through the line.  But I realized just how fragile my emotional state really was when my world was rocked by one teeny-weeny decision--the cheese being removed from my control!  Apparently I was being too generous with my cheese distribution, but rather than saying anything to me, the lunch ladies simply removed the container of cheese from my reach and put it behind the glass on their side of the counter.  I know--it sounds like I have completely lost my mind, but this one small thing that was once again taken out of my control rocked me beyond words!  I did recognize the humor of my response, even in the midst of the emotional moment, and I fought back the tears pricking my eyes as I went to sweet up the floor and wipe down the tables after the first wave of  1st and 2nd graders filed out of the cafeteria.  I kept looking at the janitors I was working alongside in the lunch room thinking, "I am so far away from the Major League wives section!" (the preferred seating where player's wives sit to watch the games).  Not that that is a bad thing--but shows how I am still adjusting and trying to identify just exactly what is my new normal--including my role of TIS janitorial staff!  I truly delight in our opportunities to eat a slice of humble pie every now and then, but I have to be honest and say that there are times (lots of them involving trying to learn and speak Chinese correctly, trying to communicate across cross-cultural lines, etc.) when my slice of humble pie feels more like I'm devouring the entire dessert!

We recognized for the first time the severity of some of the living situations that are part of our new normal this week.  I entered into the bathroom to find Noah chugging a cup of bathwater before I could yell for him to stop!  He immediately gave a, "Sorry Mom!" , but my worst fears came to pass as he ended up awakening that night vomiting and then having a brutal bout of diarrhea for the next 6 days.  Thankfully, he seems to be back to normal, and seems to even understand that the cause of his discomfort was him drinking the water that he has been told numerous times to avoid--so we're hoping to not have a repeat of the rumbly tummy anytime in the near future!  We also had a fun adventure taking my sister and her family to one of our favorite places--the flower and plant market in town.  It is filled with acres of greenhouses which enclose more plants, fish, and other critters than you can imagine--all available to buy for a fairly low price!  This trip we even found several unidentifiable creatures--kind of looked like salamanders but in bright colors like pink, turquoise, and green.  The highlight was taking them back to the "dog section", which is somewhat removed from the rest of the facility.  As Rob put it, he felt like he was walking right into a scene from a post-Apocalyptic movie set!  There were huge piles of debris and rubbish all over, and when you finally reached the dog area, the scene was pretty heart-wrenching.  Suffice it to say that there is no Chinese animal rights groups active that we can tell!  You can find really large dogs here--which is incredibly rare in China, as large dogs are usually outlawed within the city limits.  The condition of both the dogs and their living conditions were enough to make us pass through as quickly as we could, mainly fearing that my soft-hearted sister might decide to adopt the whole lot of them before we could escape.

In the midst of feeling some pretty heavy stress and the weight of just how intense our lack of control really is, we continue to experience His goodness, grace, and the newness of His mercy each morning.  It's in the little things--the package mailed from a college roommate's mother-in-law (whom I've only ever met twice!), the blossoms on the plumb trees which are finally emerging and showing us it's spring, the encouragement of seeing our friends here grow in maturity and their understanding of a concept which has required much labor to explain, feeding mangy deer at the zoo petting zoo (in photo) and crocodiles huge chicken carcuses--that we find comfort and encouragement to continue our daily journey, if some days only at a "plod"!  We rejoice in knowing that no matter how unstable our circumstances may be--even if the cheese is taken from our control--we have a Rock on whom to stand!

Cultural Distinctions

These last few weeks have flown by in a frenzy of activity--preparing for my sister and her family's arrival to China, meeting with our regular groups of friends here, and now enjoying a week off (for the kids at least!) for Spring Break! We've finally had our heat turn off (it was supposed to go off throughout the country on March 15, but the government agreed to extend it an extra five days due to the fact that a cold front came through, leaving several inches of snow still on the ground well past the March 15th planned cut off date. While we've enjoyed a day or two of weather that has gotten into the 60's, it can still be categorized here as "cold"! As I type, I have on my wool socks, house shoes, long underwear bottoms and jeans, and two layers of shirts on top. So while there are some buds on the trees and a few blossoms even beginning to appear, I'm not so sure that spring has truly arrived in Tianjin! We're hoping that (if the forecast is correct) our next week should be continually warming up, leaving us with weather nice enough to go outside and enjoy seeing some green beginning to pop up and even the tarps being taken down that they put up throughout the winter to protect any sort of natural landscaping from the cold and wind. Tianjin is known to be the city of roses, so in another month or two we should even start seeing some flowers bloom around town! So much to look forward to....

Over the past 2 weeks we've had quite a few humorous cultural differences pop up again--which is nothing new, but thought some of you might get a kick out of laughing along with us at some of the more obvious differences (and our usually awkward moments that surround them). So here's a brief overview of some of them:

• A few weeks ago I hosted a group of moms who were listening to a speaker about parenting according to the Book. While the group of ladies were at my house, one of them got a phone call from her mother-in-law stating that her father-in-law was currently in an ambulance en route to the hospital, and they needed her to meet them there immediately. While our Chinese friend hurriedly gathered her things together, her two close friends sitting next to her close enough to overhear the entire conversation leaned to me to whisper what was going on, explain why she needed to leave, and add that she needed a lot of money. Now this was all going on in Chinese, and I was a little confused by the money part, so I clarified with the girls' friends--"She needs money?" Their response--"Yes!" My next question--"So I should give her money?" Again--"Yes!" I found out a little later that she needed to take money to pay for the ambulance. The mystery still remains however as to why everyone in the room looked to me to provide the large sum of cash (which I thankful had on-hand as I had literally gone to the ATM to pull cash that morning just in case). When I asked my closest Chinese friends why they girls would all look to me to provide the money, rather than looking in their own wallets themselves, especially since they were much closer friends to the girl in need of money, I assumed the answer would be because I was the hostess of our gathering. Since we were in my house, it would maybe make sense for me to keep a stash of cash on hand? But alas, my closest friends all agree that this was probably NOT the case--that most Chinese people do NOT keep large amounts of money in their house, so I probably wasn't expected to either. So I still have no idea why the money was asked of me, but was thankful that I had it on-hand to provide, and honestly thankful too that the girl made sure to have every bit of it paid back by the following day!
• A funny moment revealed the difference in Western and Eastern thinking in the way of planning for things far in advance. I explained to my teacher one day that I needed to break during our 10 minute break time of class (we do 2 hour long one-on-one classes, but there's a short break in between that my teacher and I often just push on through if we're in the middle of something) because I needed to find another western friend to discuss birthday plans. My teacher, surprised, asked when my friend's birthday was. When I explained that it was April 14 (which at this time, was a good 3 weeks away) and that we were trying to coordinate a combined bday party (mine is May 5)--she looked liked I'd slapped her in the face! She exclaimed, "But your birthdays are still so far away!" I reminded her that we're Americans, so we put things on the calendar sometimes a full month in advance. She walked off to re-fill her hot water bottle chuckling all the way at the thought. (In contrast, we got an invitation just recently from a Chinese friend to her birthday gathering on a Thursday night when the party was Saturday, and she was disappointed that we had plans already made then! So the short-term planning is definitely a norm in the Chinese culture.)
• We received a rare invitation to a Chinese friends' home who only Kevin had met in person. This brave family has 3 kids of their own (I know, not legal here in China, and honestly still not sure how they have managed to get away with it), and invited our entire family of 6 over for dinner. It was quite a cultural experience for us all! As we walked through the entryway of the building, all the kids went from chattering away to completely silent. Finally, when we had wound our way through the hallways to reach the elevators, Hudson let out a breath and said, "Whoa. This is kind of creepy." Kevin and I kind of laughed and continued on. The family we were visiting lived in a 3 bedroom apartment--I'm guessing about 800 sq. ft. total (maybe less?). After meeting with our friends, having dinner (of which the kids barely touched, but handled pretty politely anyway), and letting the kids play awhile, Karis called me into one of the bedrooms to whisper "Are they poor?" I explained to her that they really weren't. That most families in China live in conditions much more difficult than this family did. I said all this while eyeing the mattresses on the floor with no bedframes (and asked myself, "Do we really need bed frames anyway?), while seeing the toys (few in comparison to what my kids think is normal) being stored in cardboard boxes in the kids' room, noticing that most of us were seated on overturned boxes rather than chairs at the small kitchen table that could fit a max of 4 people. It was simplicity like we rarely experience it. And I was so thankful that my kids had the opportunity to see and live it, even if just for a night (although it will hopefully be more frequent than that that we receive invitations into our friends "worlds"!). It definitely went a long way in changing our perspective in what we have and what is "normal".
• We're seriously evaluating whether or not we will return to the States this summer. Our original plan was to do so for a shorter length of time, but we're re-evaluating budget, time, etc., and trying to make a wise decision (thinking and pr-ing seriously about trying to purchase a car). So with this in mind, I've been confronted with the thought that I might not be able to return to the States to do my intended stock up on our most "needed" and wanted things. The biggest (besides medicines and toiletries that we can't get here)--is clothes. I've found myself wondering how I'm going to outfit my kids if I can't do a run to Target, Kohl's, or the outlet malls! I pride myself on being a bargain shopper, but it's next to impossible to do here, unless you make it your life goal to spend hours digging through stacks of dusty, dirty market table-tops in the hopes of finding some deal on some article of clothing that is actually in good condition (with no buttons missing, zippers broken, etc.) So I was thrilled when I found some decent-looking boys clothes (which are especially hard to find!) last week on sale at our larger supermarket in town. I couldn't help but laugh as I did compromise a bit--not to the extent that the boys will be wearing purple glitter heart shirts or anything (which is more the normal fashion here in Asia), but in the wording written on some of the shirts. When you find clothes with English on them here in China, you can almost bet that it's going to say something totally crazy or weird! So what did I end up with? Eli's two best shirts (which he loves, by the way) read as following: "If you were me, you would be cool too." And "Eat carrots back to school book." I saw a lady walking past me on the street today with a typical Chinese outfit on--black shiny leggings with a floral print embossed on them, a navy print flowy shirt, and some crazy high-heel black boots. I kind of groaned and wondered, "Is that going to be me a year from now?" I thought of my favorite jeans that I wear all the time which now have holes in both the knees, my long underwear which are matching in the hole category; not to mention my socks! Eesh! It's official. My worst fears are coming to fruition. One year of not visiting the States and I'm pretty certain I'm either going to turn into one of those jumper-wearing, hand-me-down only ladies who comes and visits your Sunday school classes periodically, or else I'll be donning crazy black shiny leggings and tacky high-heeled boots (depending on if the hand-me-downs or Chinese market purchases are more easily accessible). Look out! I know you all will be waiting for me at the airport just to see which route I go upon our next arrival Stateside...
• Our last funny cultural thing worth mentioning is a new family who we are becoming friends with, I think! We had a mutual friend give a Chinese family our phone number and they called, asking if we could help them as they want their child to learn English. Because they are a friend of a friend, by China's rules, we had no choice but to agree to meet with them (although the number of people wanting their kid to spend time with us and be in an English environment is absolutely nothing new, and honestly gets pretty old and hard to determine who exactly to spend time with because the number of these are so great!). Anyway, the conversation went from awkward to over pretty quickly (luckily it was Kevin on the phone with them) as we grew to understand that this mom did not just want to get together once to meet, but rather she was trying to figure out just how many times a week and how many hours a day she could have her child come over and hang out with me and Noah! I gave her 2 different mornings I had available to do playdates at our home that week, but this was obviously not what she was expecting. Furthermore, the mom herself is out of town in Beijing working every day, so it was the mother-in-law who would be coming. And on top of that, the child was only 1, so not yet even speaking Chinese, much less ready to learn or practice English! When my two offers of playdate times were not taken, I thought that maybe we wouldn't hear back from our new friends. But, would you believe that they decided to try again, so we actually have another time set up for the whole families to meet up tomorrow and go to a park together! It's sure to be another time to have some good laughs as we will not doubt continue to make blunder after blunder as we feel our way in the dark here.... :) Thankful to have my sister and her hubby and two boys here with us to drag them along to join in the fun and the memory-making!