Friday, October 24, 2014

Once Again--Creating a New "Normal"

Big Tex
Texas State Fair
One of the mottos of our family is that we are regularly having to find or create a new "normal," as change seems to be more of the expected than the exception in our everyday lives.  So we've settled back into Dallas; this time we're in our own space!  While we were finishing up our time in Colorado we had friends from our church graciously locate and prepare a three-bedroom apartment that is in an ideal location.  Whenever the kids ask me how long it's going to take to get somewhere, I can reply with "10 minutes!" and be pretty accurate!  It is so fantastic to have the bags unpacked, be able to empty out the stash of stuff that's been stored in my parent's extra closet, and spread out without feeling like we're taking over someone else's home.  Our only concern now is trying to keep the boys' wrestling to a minimum during early morning or late evening hours, not knowing just how much our neighbors below us might be hearing through their ceilings!  (And this, thankfully, is a challenge we are all accustomed to, as being considerate of our neighbors is a part of daily life in China when you are living on the 10th floor of a high-rise!)

Ei and Cousin Levi
So one of the funnier responses from the kids regarding the apartment when we first moved in was regarding the size.  After about 2 nights of the kids loving having 2 bedrooms (so only two kids in each room), one of the boys said that he wasn't sure he like the place because it was too big!  Now, it is a three bedroom apartment, but it's certainly not what most kids would call "big."  As I probed with more questions, we both came to discover that it wasn't so much the size of the apartment, but more that it was so spacious feeling because we had so little in the way of belongings and decor.  [And I should add--it's not that our place was without a "homey" touch when we arrived.  Our friends from church had access to a box of photos that we'd left with them 5 years ago when we left the country.  They had hung pictures from our wedding and early days of marriage all around the apartment!  My kids favorite was one of me in a bikini on the fridge, standing with my mom at the beach from when I was in my early college days--and my belly button was pierced!  That's right.  Back in my wild days. haha.  :)  Hudson (my 7 year old), quickly informed me upon seeing the picture that he couldn't believe I had a bikini.  And he was quite certain that it was "inappropriate" for me to be dressed in so little!  I agreed.]  We came up with a plan, and by the end of the week we had some flowers, some candles, and a new picture hanging on the wall, and he agreed that it felt much more like home.  That, and the fact that we figured out how to work the gas fireplace.  The kids LOVE having the thing turned on (you literally just have to flip the light switch right by the hearth) and curl up in the evenings with their pillows and blankets during our family reading time--and this is in 80 degree temperatures!  We've also kept a stockpile of s'mores ingredients so we can take full advantage of roasting opportunities.

Karis and Cousin Caleb
One of the other main differences between this apartment and what we are used to is the closet space.  As I've mentioned before, you have cabinets called "guizis" in China, not closets.  So as Noah was having a hard time going to sleep several evenings in a row, and I was trying to determine the source of his anxiety, he finally fessed up that he was afraid that there were aliens in the closet.  This was a new fear in the Joseph household, as none of our other kids have had the opportunity to have a fear of closets, although I think (at least based on the movie Monsters, Inc.) this is a pretty normal fear at this age and stage!  So we solved the problem by opening the door and leaving a light on inside.  No aliens; no more fear of the closets.  And they've actually become the favorite play place for the kids.  Hudson and Noah have literally transformed our one large utility area into their Small People Avengers secret hideout (don't tell!).  I've discovered all kinds of treasures and weapons hidden around their "cave."  It's pretty cute to see how a little creativity and a closet can go such a long way!

Mother/Daughter Shopping Trip to Canton
As the kids have had more time here in the States to see how their lives are different from their American peers, they have been doing some good external processing.  I'm thankful to have a daughter, in that Karis seems to be the main external verbal processor that fills me in on many late-night conversations that happen between she and her brothers.  (She's only sharing a bedroom with one, but they still often want to all sleep together, so we're used to throwing some blankets on the floor so the foursome can do a slumber party all in one room together.)  She came out the other morning and told me that she and Eli had decided that it would be nice sometimes to just be "normal."  It kind of caught me off guard, not knowing what context she was referring to, so we ended up having a good conversation as I asked she and her brothers more questions about what "normal" was.  At first her definition included that she would be able to tell people that she was from Dallas and not have to mention China, which of course prompts a million questions that you then need to answer and feel embarrassed about at times.  And then she added in that she would own an American Girl doll--to which I quickly corrected her misperception that being a "normal" American also insinuated ownership of said toy!  Once we got beyond the American Girl doll topic, we were able to continue a really sweet conversation where all the kids were able to share some of the differences they liked and didn't like about our family having such an a-typical lifestyle that involves navigating multiple cultures and occupying different homes.  I'm so thankful for my little chick-a-dees and the open communication we have so much of the time!  Hoping that these conversations and opportunities to process continue over the years...  And I was really thankful that in spite of the fact that they've had 9 weeks of mom as their teacher, none of them included homeschooling on their list of dislikes of our lifestlye!  No small miracle indeed...

Pumpkin Carving with Nana and Papa
So I forget sometimes that our younger 3 kids have all spent more time in China than they have in the US, and therefore there are a lot of US customs and traditions that are brand new to them.  Noah has been hysterical to listen to as he tries to figure out Halloween--which isn't celebrated at all in China.  The kids have tried to explain it to him, and in his mind, it's this big game that everyone plays.  The terminology he uses cracks us all up.  He keeps practicing the "magic words" (trick or treat) that you have to say in order to get candy.  And he's so concerned that if he forgets and gets the words wrong, that the others will not "have" to give him candy.  He's asked me to clarify on several occasions, and I realize that in his mind, there's some sort of referee there to ensure that everyone is fair and gets the rules right!  He's been counting down until next Friday night for the entire month--which is so frustrating for him since his concept of time is NOT reality!  (We're still getting our meals mixed up, which is breakfast, lunch, and dinner!)  So looking forward to the actual night just to see if trick-or-treating is all he's imagined it to be!
Chuck E Cheese as our end of the first quarter celebration!