Climbing the Walls

As you can guess by the length of time in between my last post an this one, things have been moving along at a remarkably quick pace; quicker than I can keep up with, unfortunately!  So here I am now, having a rare free hour within which I am hoping to cross multiple things off of my to-do list, one being catching up anyone interested on the Joseph family's last month.  So (deep breath), here goes!

At the beginning of this month we celebrated our family's 4th anniversary of living here in China.  Each year we have a special meal and dessert and let the kids pick a family activity to do to commemorate God's grace in allowing us to live here (and survive here!) for as long as we have.  This year, they picked their favorite:  a trip to the zoo!  We added homemade pizza to our new list of favorite foods, as I've been working on perfecting (or at least making edible) my homemade crust and the kids' favorite dessert with pudding and brownies (special treats that I packed over from the US this summer in our luggage).  I've taken one more step deeper into the core of living in China by branching out in the kitchen a bit; I've started making more homemade breads (can't get good ones here at very many places) and homemade yogurt (which is a lot healthier than the ones they sell here which are filled with sugar and other things that I don't want to know about!  Yikes!).  Both have been a big hit with at least some of the members of the family, and are surprisingly easy to make at home once you get the feel for them....Anyway, I digress.  So our family had a Monday off from school and decided to go to the zoo then when it would be less crowded.  We had our friends, Sam, Charis, and Isaiah who were staying with us while their belongings were all being sold before moving back to the US, go with us, along with our Ayi.  It was a fun and bonding experience with Ayi; she loves watching the kids run and interact with each other outside the home, and it was precious to see how she came dressed up for the occasion that day, donning new clothes that we had never seen her wear before.  A great time was had by all!

Later that week we celebrated Eli's 8th birthday.  We did a family celebration at home, complete with tacos and birthday dessert, again all Eli's choice, and he opened lots of presents that were just in his taste--bug catchers, science books that explain how natural events occur, a remote-controlled helicopter.  He also got his first Bible, and I must say that it was precious to hear he and Karis in bed with their flashlights that night giving each other tips on different exciting stories that they should each read!  Eli's best friend at school is named Josiah, and he happened to stumble across the account of King Josiah's life as he was flipping through; he was thrilled to read about his friend's namesake and be able to tell him about it at school the next day!  The Saturday after his birthday, we took our 4 kids and 5 of Eli's closest friends to a ropes course that has recently been added at our nearby shopping center.  It's all outdoors, and pretty small in comparison to what you would expect in the US; but our kids don't know the difference and had a ball climbing for over 2 hours!  There were kids ranging in age from 4 (Noah, who was the youngest) up to 14, and all were thoroughly enjoying themselves.  I was so proud as I watched Noah on the high wire (which was about 8 or 10 feet off the ground), his hand shaking violently as he reached for the next rope, lip quivering to hold back the tears that were welling up in his eyes.  But with a little encouragement, he completed the entire course, two times, and was soooo proud of himself at the end!  It was really cute to hear him ask multiple times, "I did good, Mom?  I showed courage?"  I got to give him lots of hugs and words of encouragement, at least until he wiggled out of my arms to run off to climb the next portion with the "big boys" who were there to celebrate with Eli.

We celebrated another Chinese national holiday this week on Thursday--what we call Mid-Autumn Festival.  It's supposedly second in importance to Chinese New Year here in the country, but our school only took off 1 day because we have so many other holidays to try to squeeze in (being an international school, we try to fit in both the US holidays and the Chinese ones, so we end up having a shorter summer as we have so many breaks during the actual school year).  So we've been getting lots of gifts in honor of this special day, mainly moon cakes, which are round cakes with a bread-type outside (about 4 in. in diameter) and different things in the middle.  They're definitely not our family's favorite food, but we've gotten used to the custom of exchanging and even eating them in observance of this important holiday.  What has surprised me is how high a price you can pay for these small cakes.  We had a friend who attends the parenting study I do on Saturdays come with a box of them.  I saw that same box (from a pretty well-known, higher-end bakery) for sale for the equivalent of $40!  And there were only 4 or 6 cakes in the box (which I had already given to my ayi, so I failed to see how many were actually included inside!).  We had one other family who comes to the parenting study bring some from a Haagen-Dazs ice cream store in town.  I have no idea what the price of them was, but those cakes were DARN good eatin', all ice cream and covered in chocolate, and even had dry ice packed in the gift box in which they were delivered.  The kids loved the ice cream, but the dry ice was an even bigger hit!  Kevin took a over an hour looking up on the internet all the different things you can do with dry ice, and let me tell you, we had some fun science experiments going on in the laboratory of my kitchen that afternoon!  I'm including a picture or two of the smoke that came from combining the dry ice with something....Can't quite remember what all they were concocting, but everyone was having a blast in the process.

I didn't have to teach on Wednesday this week, so I instead went to a nearby college campus and helped lead an English corner.  This is something that many of our friends have done regularly, but I had yet to participate in.  It was quite an experience!  It was a total delight to see the eagerness of these college students to learn and practice their English.  One of my favorite parts was interacting with Hellen, a boy (yes, I said boy) who Kevin had met at this same English corner the previous week.  When Kevin pointed out that the name Hellen was typically a female name, Hellen responded by explaining that his name was masculine because it had 2 "l's" rather than just one!  How can you argue with that?

On our actual day off for the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday, we ended up having most of the junior class of our international school over for pizza.  Kevin and I both taught the sophomores last year, and Kevin even went on a trip with them during the spring, so we've bonded with them significantly and really miss not seeing them regularly.  When I told a group of them that we missed not seeing them and that I'd make brownies for them if they came over some time, they jumped on the opportunity, picked a date, and promptly invited the rest of the class to join in the party!  We were a little nervous about what to expect, but I've got to say, I don't know when I've had such considerate house guests.  They RSVP'd that they were coming for the most part (at least 18 of the 24 who came did), they cleaned up after themselves, they left at 9pm when I'd told them the party would be over, and most of them came with gifts to say thank you (which is usual in Asian culture when you are invited to someone's house as a guest).  The kids seemed to have a blast, and MY kids loved having so many big kids in their home, playing with their toys! (The Nerf guns and basketball hoop were the biggest hits.)  We even pulled out the guitar and had a few impromptu performances.  It was a great opportunity to hopefully help build some relationships with some kids who could really use some guidance (most of them have a ton of worldly pressure from their families), in the hopes that they'll feel open to come to us when they need a listening ear.

And in closure, today ended up being a surprise blessing in many ways.  I had planned on leaving my home by 7:30am to pick up a friend and a ton of flowers to get to a wedding venue early and help set up, then run home and get the family to take them to the wedding, then taxi home early to get back for my parenting study, and then go to another family's house for dinner following the study's conclusion.  I must confess the total relief I felt last night when I found out that due to the holiday this week, our parenting study had very few who could attend (so we canceled) and my friend decided she could get all the things she had into a taxi rather than needing me to drive her to the wedding early in our minivan.  So my day totally feed up!  I was able to enjoy a cup of coffee, fold laundry, and even call my mom this morning.  I got to attend the wedding and stay the whole time with them fam. 

And here I am, typing away at the computer this afternoon!  I'm realizing that my schedule rarely has "holes" open up in it to just be still and rest, and yet I desperately need those holes to exist!  So the problem is identified, and now the goal is to figure out how to better manage (or maybe cut out?) some of those things in my world....I must say, however, this might be one of my bigger life's battles!  There is absolutely NO END to the work around us that needs to be done, and just not enough hours in the day to get to it all....Anyone out there want to come to China?  I might even find a Haagan-Daazs moon cake to throw in to sweeten the deal if it would help! :)

Changing into Raccoons

We've survived the first week and 2 days of school!  We're off and running on another school year, and it's hard to believe how quickly it feels like everything starts up again around here.  So far, we've been incredibly thankful at how much the kids have all enjoyed their classmates and teachers.  Karis is in 4th grade, and just loves everything about school.  Eli is in 2nd, and is super excited to have a male teacher.  He does fun things like teach the kids how seeds are spread through bird poop, complete with the tooting sound effects and bottom-wriggle motion that would help them remember the whole process!  Hudson made it through the first week of 1st grade with very few tears, except the one day he accidentally went into the girls' bathroom and had the whole class laughing at him (he did recover quickly, however, according to his teacher).  And Noah is in junior kindergarten and still begging me every day to let him stay for the full day instead of coming home with me at noon!  Kevin and I are each teaching 2 high school classes, and we've even already made it through the first parent Open House and the presentations we had to give the parents (Korean parents, which make up most of the families enrolled in the school, traditionally take education VERY seriously and are extremely competitive about their child's academic success.)

In spite of the first week going well, I must confess that it was a bit overwhelming for me personally.  I had forgotten how much time and energy (both physical and emotional) it takes to teach only 2 hours per day!  I think a combination of the early mornings and getting into a new routine rattled me more than I expected it to.  That was coupled with the fact that Kevin ended up getting sick for 2 days, so I was minus the pair of extremely capable hands I have come to count on, and even had to teach 2 of his classes for him on one day since he had to go home sick.  Our weekend has been pretty low-key, and has helped me re-group and be reminded that I need to give myself and everyone else in the family some time to make the adjustment from the summer schedule to that of the school year.  I'm hoping that as things become a bit more routine, the "extra" things that we like to do, that are anything beyond that of basic survival, will become more of a joy and less of a burden in my mind!  At our fellowship time this morning, the message was on II Thess 5, and I must confess that my heart leaped as the teacher closed with the words that "One day we will be entering the rest that we receive in His presence...."  Thinking I need to experience a bit of that rest right here, right now, even if it is but a shadow of what is to come!

Karis and Eli spent the last week of their summer break helping out our friend Ms. Barbara teach an English camp to some of the Chinese kids in her community.  It was really precious to see their enthusiasm and willingness to jump in.  I stayed on the first day of camp to make sure that my crew could be the helpers they were intended to be, and was cracking up as the kids attending the camp were writing out their name tags.  There were three little boys the first week; their names were Perry, Larry, and Harry!  Not really sure who came up with them, or if maybe one of them did to start and the rest just followed suit with whatever rhyming words they could, but thought it was pretty cute (even if somewhat confusing!).

I also spent some time before school started visiting a Chinese friend who has recently had a baby (her first, of course).  The poor girl was so confused because she was getting so many mixed messages!  The situation in China is that usually a new mother has both her mother and mother-in-law come and help her right after the birth of a baby.  So she's got LOTS of suggestions and advice being offered at every crossroad!  Both grandmothers were insistent that the baby should never cry.  The mother-in-law had even convinced my friend that because her child was a boy, if he did cry very much at all, he would have problems with his male anatomy later in life!  I didn't ask for specifics, but tried to hide my shock and assure her that as far as I was aware, my 3 male-cryers had no such issue, in spite of the fact that I was not afraid to let them cry it out a bit in certain situations!

Our first weekend after school started we decided to celebrate by going to 2 of the kids favorite places--the newest mall in town that has an indoor arcade-type play place, and the lake where we've been letting them swim.  Kevin kept all 4 kids afloat long enough for me to get some swim training in for the triathlon I'm training for, and we were able to come home and turn the bathtub water a dingy gray as we washed off (but still no signs of any sickness as a result!).  I am in countdown for the tri--only 1 month away before I head out of town on an overnight train to compete in a sprint triathlon with 3 other friends.  We'll be swimming 750m, biking 20k, and running 5k.  I've felt pretty good about the training until recently, as I've run into more people who have shared some pretty scary stories!  Evidently this is the most difficult course in China due to the hills.  There's one that you bike up and down that the majority of women supposedly get off and walk their bikes!  Not sure about my planning in doing this course as my very first one, but I figure if I survive it without having a disastrous experience, I might be hooked to do others around China! 

The mall excitement, in addition to playing ski ball and some fun basketball games, was when we found this huge screen outside a department store.  It was a huge interactive screen that projected a video of the people (mainly kids) standing in front of the stage area.  The kids can move around and virtually pop balloons, wipe away drops of water, etc.  But the funniest part was the lightning and fire.  At one point, there were virtual bolts of lightning that would come down and strike anything that was in motion on the screen!  Kevin and I were trying to imagine this ever being considered okay in the US!  The other funny screen was when those in motion turned into fire balls.  Kevin and I couldn't help but chuckle as we watched our kids being "struck by lightning" and then bursting into flame every time they moved, which as you could imagine, was quite often!

Our other main even of the week was taking care of traffic tickets.  The system is completely INSANE here.  You get tickets by cameras that are on the roads, and you only find out about them by receiving a notice by mail (sometimes, and then it arrives about 3-4 months after your violation) or by being able to log in on-line (which a friend has just helped us learn how to do).  For every violation you receive, you also get 3 points.  You are only allowed to get 9 points per year, and then if you hit 12, you have to take some tests and do some sort of all-day defensive driving course.  So our year of time had only 1 month left and Kevin and I needed to NOT get 2 tickets in order to be cleared and start over again for the year with a clean slate.  And wouldn't you believe it; somehow we got 2 tickets in that amount of time!  It is SOOOOOO frustrating because the reason for the tickets is incredibly arbitrary (you can go in reverse on a highway ramp against the flow of traffic with no problem, but if you swerve out of your lane while crossing some intersection to avoid hitting the old man on the bike, you can get a ticket for your tire touching the white line) and there is no chance for recourse (there is no officer giving you the ticket at the time for you to explain why your wheel was on the line).  Furthermore, the way you accrue points is just crazy, because anyone can "take" your points for you!  So if you have 9 points and then get another ticket, if you have a friend who is willing to take your 3 points and go to the police station with you, you can simply pass off your ticket to their name and drivers' license.  Doesn't seem to be the most efficient system in our minds.... But the long story short is that we found incredibly grace when we went to the police station.  The lady working the counter allowed us to put the points on the next years' calendar.  So we're saved from having to take the course and the tests for now, but are not starting off this next year in very good driving record-standing!  Hoping for the best as we continue to learn the laws of the land pertaining to what is and is not acceptable in China-driving!

The last cute Noah-ism to share was from this week when Noah came home with stories from his classroom.  He explained that the 3 caterpillars that had been brought in earlier in the week had changed into "raccoons"!  When I questioned if he was sure they hadn't become "cocoons", he assured me that they were most definitely raccoons.  His teacher had said so, and she knows.  How can I argue with that?!

Awfully Cattle-Like

Imagine waiting in line for a good 20 minutes, elbowing any other bystanders who were trying to wedge their way in front of you, trying to protect 5 little girls from being on the receiving end of any thrown elbows, only to enter the flow of women who were moving en masse past large trash cans filled with yellow plastic slippers--all mismatched in size and matching pairs.  You pick up (as quickly as you can, in order to keep from being run over from behind) 2 slippers and move into a large locker room filled with women (most of whom are not wearing clothes), smelly bathrooms, and a deafening buzz of voices jabbering away giving instructions on their blaring, individual PA systems.  Once you've changed into your suit and gotten your belongings put into your locker, donning your fashionable yellow slippers for the trek into the next part of the process, you get in line yet again to show your proper id that allows you entrance, prove that you're not carrying anything extra on your person, then walk through a gushing torrent of water that falls down on you in order to rinse you off.  At this point, your friend in line behind you begins mooing like a cow, a statement on the way the process is making both of you feel, this time even more uncomfortable than the last line experience due to the fact that you're only wearing your bathing suit and therefore feeling quite vulnerable because of the large number of women you're crammed against.  You finally arrive at the entrance--the stair case leading up to the "promised land"--the indoor waterpark that apparently can hold 20,000 people--all of whom seem to be in attendance that day!  You don't have to look for the males in your family for long; all the Chinese people know that you must belong to the only other foreigners who are there, the only ones crazy enough to brave the crowds and make a memory, so they point you in their direction immediately.

This was my reality this week!  We had friends who had heard about the opening of this new water park and we all decided it was worth it to try it out.  I'm still not sure how to sum up the experience.  Except that the next 3 hours were pretty similar to the entrance into the park.  LOTS of people, LOTS of things that seemed quite inefficient, LOTS of things that really grossed me out.  And the kids LOVED it.  Every minute of it!  Even when, after playing for 3 hours, they still hadn't even gotten to go on one of the huge slides that were the main attraction.  In spite of the fact that we arrived when the park opened, they had still run out of tubes by the time Kevin got to the front of the line to purchase one to use (they were required for almost all of the slides).  So Kevin found 2 slides that did not require the tubes and waited with the kids for about 45 minutes before giving up.  There was one line that fed into 4 different slides.  The side he wanted to get on had NOBODY riding it; but because they had to wait in the line that fed into the other slides, they literally were not moving at all.  And the whole "wait in line" term should be used loosely whenever you're talking about China.  Kevin couldn't even count the number of people he was seeing hopping over the gate to get in front of them.  The kids finally settled on foregoing the slides and playing in the splash park area and playing tag in the lazy river that flowed around the park instead.

I, in the meantime, was on Noah.  My main goal was to move him from location to location, trying to minimize the number of people who couldn't keep their hands off of him!  He handled it really well, but I couldn't count the number of times he was literally being picked up and having his arms grabbed by the nationals who were fascinated by this active little blond-haired foreigner.  It was a great picture of how cultural the concept of standing in line is, and how it is so subtly taught to each generation.  I listened as one grandmother told her toddler that there was a line for one of the kiddie slides, and they needed to wait.  She proceeded to wedge her grandchild as close to the front and then maneuver them past the other little kids whenever a window of opportunity showed itself.  Sure enough, her toddler was able to go down the slide much sooner than the other kids who had been standing there without such an assertive adult to help out.  I kept thinking how subtle a message had been sent to that little one as they listened to the grandmother's definition of "wait in line" and then experienced her expertise in getting around the others who had already been there longer.  Makes sense why there is a country of 1.3 billion people, none of whom seem to have the same definition as us who are Westerners!

I'm guessing that many of you who are living Stateside have experienced this to some degree first-hand.  You've probably had someone with an Asian face step in front of you to get on an elevator, push in front in line, or violate some other North American cultural norm in a way that caused you offense.  It's seeing how culture works from the inside out that has helped create some sense of understanding on my part; it has given me a patience (not all days!) that allows me to see others' actions as not being intentionally rude, but as simply part of how you survive in a place like China.  If you don't participate in the standard "line philosophy" that prevails, you literally will never get your turn in the bathroom stall, your lunch order placed at McDonalds, your groceries paid for, etc.

So while I understand at a cognitive level this cultural difference, and most days can even have patience with what would otherwise be extremely frustrating, this is not always the case!  I'm not a person prone to anxiety, but I must admit that I was feeling as close to a panic attack as I've even been while at the waterpark.  By the time we left that afternoon, I was relieved to be away from the crowds, the noise, the kids urinating all around the sides of the pool.  I took a few Tylenol to get over my headache and thought I was good to go.  However, the next morning, I was coming back from a bike ride and was getting on the elevator when a neighbor got on at the same time.  She did the usual--pushed on behind me, crowding into my "personal space" and rushing ahead to push the button to her floor before I could get to mine.  Usually, this wouldn't phase me, but this time I could feel the irritation rising.  It was a good "temperature check" for me to realize that my cultural stress level was higher than I'd realized, and it was a great day to lay low!  I took the kids with a few friends to the international school library (only speaking English there!) and made western food (and dessert!) for dinner that night.  By the next day, I had realigned enough to be ready to head out and face the world--hopefully with an attitude that was honoring to the Lord and loving toward those around me!

One other humorous cultural adventure this week was when our ayi brought her dog to our house for the day.  She knew that the kids are nuts about dogs, so she had mentioned that she would bring hers sometime.  We agreed, but didn't determine any specifics at the time.  So we were somewhat surprised when ayi showed up with a very small poodle-like (ie, ugly) dog with a muzzle on it's snout!  To sum it up, by the end of the day the dog had bitten the kids twice, had peed on the carpet once, and wouldn't leave our ayi's side without whining or barking.  And then the really funny part was the miscommunication when our ayi was getting ready to leave.  She used a verb that has multiple meanings--it generally means "put".  So I misunderstood what she was saying, thinking she was saying that she was going to put the dog on her bike, when really she was saying she was going to put (or leave) the dog at our house--overnight!  Maybe for good?  We're still not sure on that part....But after I'd agreed and then she started giving me all kinds of extra information, such as that the dog wakes up at 5:30 or 6am and needs to go out to the bathroom, etc., I realized what she was planning on doing, and quickly cleared up the misunderstanding, telling her that we were not allowed to have dogs at our apartment at our landlord's request.  I think it was okay to refuse to keep the dog, and Kevin and I were much relieved that we didn't have to put up with the thing in our apartment any longer than we did!

My other good laugh this week was the advice that Eli and I have been given.  He has started jogging with me more regularly in the mornings, and it's been both fun and cute to see how far he can go!  He's really impressed me by being able to jog a good 2 miles with me before being ready to stop and find a store that sells some Gatorade (hard to find here, but can be done!).  So after we'd gone running together this week, we had just walked to find Gatorade, and had settled on popsicles instead.  We decided to sit on the steps of our porch and enjoy them there, as the rest of the family was still asleep inside.  While we were sitting there, some of the neighbors came by and informed us that we had made several mistakes.  The first was that we had just exercised, and therefore should NOT be eating (or drinking) anything cold.  (This one I responded to by explaining that our stomachs and bodies were used to it, so we were okay.)  The second mistake was that we were sitting, and this we should also not be doing if we'd exercised.  I explained that we had already cooled down for awhile while we were on our Gatorade search.  The neighbors weren't happy with this one, but let me off the hook without too much more scolding!

And somehow, with all of these cultural differences, we're not just surviving here, but we're really thriving and thankful for the relationships that we've been blessed with.  Last night we celebrated Kevin's 37th birthday.  I had him pick who he wanted to invite to our family's dinner celebration.  They were all our best Chinese friends!  I realized how sweet it is to have these friends who are more like family to us here, who help us navigate and understand the vast cultural divide, who encourage and spur us on in the midst of feeling like strangers so often, who make us appreciate all the positive aspects of Chinese culture instead of just focusing on the negative.  We are truly blessed!

In closing, one cute Noah-ism from this week.  When I was reading to him before nap time, he snuggled close and I teased as I snuggled him back, "Where did you come from?"  He paused for a minute, obviously thinking, then said, "From 'merica!"  He might be more Chinese than American, but he at least is aware of his roots! :)

Loosening Up and Diving In!

This past week has been spent trying to take advantage of the end of our summer break.  We've hiked trash mountain, gone to the school library and playground, had our favorite lunch out (Papa John's pizza), and spent a day swimming at the lake.  And so far, no tummy issues or other strange illnesses that any of us have contracted!  The kids had so much fun and came home totally filthy from the water they were swimming in.  But after washing the grime off, all we had left were the fun memories and a little bit of a sun burn.  I can tell how much more comfortable I've become with taking risks like this as we've been here longer; never before would I have guessed that I would let my kids swim in the water that they now are!

We had a crazy cultural mishap occur a few days ago that I'm still trying to untangle in my mind.  A new store opened a few weeks ago in our neighborhood that we've been visiting regularly.  They sell all the usual Chinese store things--a few fruits and veggies, eggs, lots of basic cooking supplies, and our favorite popsicles.  So we've been frequenting this store pretty much daily, buying popsicles and some other things, too.  When we went in this time, we purchased our popsicles and then left.  After we'd walked across the street, the shopkeeper came running after us, and called Kevin and me back.  She then explained to us, with another woman standing there and occasionally interjecting a word or two, that our daughter had knocked off one of the bottles from the shelf and it had shattered on the floor.  We were totally confused, not having heard anything.  The story then changed immediately to "one of our sons" having been the culprit.  When we asked when it happened and how they knew, they only info they could give us was that it seemed accidental rather than intentional, and that when one of the kids walked through the door way, the plastic strips that hang down to keep the cold air in flipped up and hit the bottle.

At this point Kevin and I were both so confused.  The story had changed a few times already, and no one seemed to have any specifics, so we just weren't sure how to handle the situation.  I asked the shopkeeper what she wanted us to do, but didn't get much response from her.  Kevin and I decided that we should pay for the broken bottle, so I headed to the front counter, explaining to the lady at the time that I was not happy about the situation.  I told her that we were good customers, and that it wasn't polite to make a scene like she had unless there was something she wanted to do about it.  I think I must have embarrassed her with my words, because I couldn't get her to take the money that I was trying to give to pay for the bottle.  I finally gave up and left it on the counter, only to have her follow me across the street again and put the money back in my bag.  At this time, Kevin tried leaving the money on the counter, and the scene repeated with the shopkeeper running after us and putting the money in Karis' pocket!  It was crazy.  She was so upset about the situation, but we couldn't figure out how to make amends.  The only thing we could figure, as we processed it afterward, is that the shopkeeper DID want us to pay for the bottle, but was embarrassed by me protesting, especially since there was another lady present and observing the whole scene.

So the next day I decided to go back and try to make sure we were really okay.  It had literally kept me up the night before, thinking that I could have damaged some of the relationships in our community that we have worked so hard to build.  We try so hard not to be the insensitive foreigners who offend right and left!  So I showed up at the store with a bag of oranges and an apology for being so quick to anger.  They seemed utterly shocked (there were several of the family members who run the shop present at the time) at my apology and my peace offering.  And I must confess, it was totally humbling for me to go and admit to any wrongdoing, when all I really wanted was to let them know how crazy the ladies' reaction was to the whole mishap!  But I think it was really the right thing to do and am hoping it helped rebuild any bridges that could have otherwise been burned.  Pretty sure the oranges cost about triple what the broken bottle would have! :)

Summer Routine

We're loving it!  The heat and high pollution days are definitely not our favorite aspects of summer break, but we are loving some down time, lots of movie nights (complete with popcorn and M&M's), and as much time in water gun wars as we can handle.  Our usual afternoon treat is walking to the market to stock up on needed items, with the reward for the kids being peach popsicles that we just discovered.  We've enjoyed having lots of friends over in the evenings for dinner, and I've been able to experiment with new recipes in the kitchen now that I have more free time since I'm not teaching in the morning.  After one year of being back in the classroom, I would sum up my time as being fantastic; I love teaching high school English!  I will also add, however, that I realize how much pressure I feel during the school year, as we're now on summer break and the pressure is relieved.  It's amazing how much time I have and how unhurried most days feel!  So thankful for the break....

We just had Kevin's parents in town from Florida for 2 weeks.  We had a great visit that included 2 trips to Beijing, a trip by train to the beach for 4 days, and lots of special memory-making moments with G-Ma and G-Pa for the kids.  The train ride was quite memorable, in and of itself. We took the fast train there, which only took about 2 1/2 hours.  We took the slower and cheaper train on our return trip, which took 4 1/2 hours.  It was amazing the different atmospheres on the 2 trains!  The fast train seemed modern and fairly clean; our fellow passengers cordial but slightly disinterested in us and our goings-on.  The slower train was packed with people.  Not just in the seats, but tons of people who had purchased standing tickets only.  Many of them had come with their tiny fold-up wooden stools, and they would just plop them down in the aisles or in the leg room in front of the other seats (this was the situation for me for most of the trip; I had to sit up really straight and then angle my legs in order to fit into the space in front of me, as so much of it was taken up by the large young lady perched on her stool in my section).  The food that was being eaten around us was pretty shocking, even after being here almost 4 years.  I saw one family who were all chewing on chicken feet.  And they were actually eating the whole thing!  I guess the bones are soft enough to ingest safely?  As I talked with those around me, I discovered that many of the travelers were students who were going home for the 2-month long summer break; many were traveling like this for 12 or more hours.  Kevin's language tutor was traveling on 2 separate trains to return to her home in the far western part of China--totaling 60 hours of being on the train!  And they rarely sell food on the trains, so you have to pack what you are going to eat during that time.  Most seem to bring bowls of instant noodles that you just add water to, and that suffices as their meal for their journey.  Not a lot of McDonalds or KFC's along the way, much less a DQ stop for a Blizzard!

And the kids were a total sensation on the slower train home.  Everyone wanted to touch them and talk to them.  One guy even came down and sat with Eli in his seat until Kevin gave him a look that communicated he had crossed the line!  The price of the train tickets was, to us, incredibly cheap.  It cost about $10 per person for the fast train, and about $5 per person for the slow train.  But from what we could figure, that price difference was really significant for the other passengers.  The much larger number of those on the slow train was evidence that the price was a large factor in students being able to return home or not; and I was reminded how blessed we are to be the "rich" foreigners.  A difference of $5 per ticket for us is hardly worth thinking twice about; for many of our Chinese friends, it is the difference in being able to afford to go home or not!

On our last trip to Beijing to take Kevin's parents to the airport, we stopped by a baseball farm where Kevin's friend works.  Kevin helped evaluate some of the young players that are at the academy (I use this term loosely; the facility is really a baseball field in the middle of nowhere and they are trying to decide if any of these kids have potential to make a career of the game; so they house and feed them and train during the day to see what becomes of this group of young men).  While he worked with the ball players, I monitored the kids as they explored.  And explore they did!  They found a small herd of sheep, some beautifully colored beetles, several dogs, ducks, and lots of mosquitoes!  But man, did they have fun!  After they played in the dugouts to get a reprieve from the sun (you can see Noah's resting spot in the picture), they tromped through the aspen trees with sticks and made a day of it.  It certainly made me thankful for any moment we get to enjoy of being able to be out in nature!

Swimming in Cross-Cultural Life

You'd think after almost 4 years of living in another country, I'd kind of be accustomed to navigating cultural differences.  Not so much, unfortunately.  These past 2 weeks have just about put me over the edge as my stress level has risen with each miscommunication, misunderstanding, and frustration.  I'm sure the fact that it's the end of the semester and there's a lot of stress that comes with that needs to be taken into account, but I think the sheer number of cross-cultural encounters and the large number of different cultures we're interacting with makes a significant impact as well.

At our international fellowship, I'm the coordinator of the toddler's class.  This past year, we've had some pretty major behavior problems from 2 of the families concerning their daughters (both have 2 daughters, ages 2 and 4).  Both of these families are from different countries in Africa (our fellowship has a large number of African nationals who are in China to study--usually Chinese medicine--and teach English).  I LOVE the African culture; I always have.  But I've discovered that I don't know much about how to communicate effectively cross-culturally, at least with the parents of these little misbehaving girls!  So I've spent the last several months trying to figure out how to draw boundaries with these parents and kids and let them know that biting the teacher is not an acceptable way of communicating in the class (the toddlers are the ones doing the biting, not the parents!).  And I honestly have NO IDEA how well I've done this.  There's a good chance I've gone about it all wrong and have totally offended in some manner...But at least the biting hasn't happened in quite some time! :)

Besides Chinese culture, the other one that I'm still wrestling with how to navigate on a regular basis is the Korean one that is so largely represented at our international school.  MOST of the students are Korean (like 80%), and since I am the class mom for 3rd grade, involved in the other kids' classes on a volunteer basis, and am teaching there, I have a lot of Korean culture that I should have absorbed by now!  Unfortunately, I dont' think I've done very well with that one, either!  I ha an incident this past week that kind of reminded me of a scene out of a bad sitcom where the moms on the show all have way too much time on their hands.  Long story short, I've been trying to play the ambassador for the western moms in the 3rd grade to the Korean mom 3rd grade ambassador throughout the year.  Well, we had a misunderstanding about the end of the year teacher gift, which resulted in me being the topic of the Korean mom's chat room for the next several days!  It was so frustrating!  It thought I'd communicated clearly but in love, but it was still misunderstood, and I'm pretty sure it was then widely circulated!  I had other moms treating me funny for the next several days at school, and I'm pretty sure that it had everything to do with this situation.  And the worse part was, as much as I wanted to just ignore the pettiness that it seemed to me to be, I couldn't get away from it!  I let each of the kids attend one end of the year function with their friends (different birthday parties, play groups, etc.).  So each time I would go (and usually the parent stays, as transportation is such an ordeal and normally these groups get really rowdy!), I would be the one English-speaking mom standing there with the group of other moms all kind of smiling and nodding, slightly bowing, and only being able to speak with the few who knew Chinese.   NOT my favorite thing!  Kind of made me crave some good ole' Tex Mex (my comfort food when I need a taste of "home"!)

So enough about cultural differences....Back to our regular routine stuff!  Kevin did make it home from his trip with the sophomore high school students.  He had a fantastic time, really bonded with the kids, and saw a beautiful part of the country that we all plan on going back to next year during spring break.  We were all so happy to have him home!  But I must confess, there's something about having Dad come back home that makes everyone get higher maintenance than they were before.  I'm thinking that maybe we were all just prepared for his absence, so all the kids were geared up for it and trying to be super-helpful.  But it seemed that as soon as he got back, we returned to our higher-need state, with kids being more demanding, less helpful or independent, more conflicts to referee.  I think it kind of made Kevin feel badly about going, but I assured him that it was only when he returned that the winds of change toward more difficult children had emerged! :)

We celebrated Noah's 4th birthday.  I am totally embarrassed to admit this, but he actually got to celebrate for 2 days, because his mom is pretty much losing her mind!  On Sunday, the 2nd, we did a full day of celebrating--letting him pick his favorite meals, opening presents, eating cupcakes--the works.  After we put the kids to bed that night, Kevin called his parents, who wondered why we'd celebrated on the 2nd when his birthday is actually on the 3rd!  It wasn't until then that it hit me that we (or really, I!) was a day early!!! I sat on the couch shaking my head in disbelief for about 5 minutes, trying to decide if I should be laughing or crying, and trying to decide if I should fess up to him and the other kids or not!  (We finally decided to do so; Noah couldn't have cared less as I already had cupcakes to bring in to his classmates on the second day, he was just disappointed that we didn't get to celebrate for the entire week.) 

Hudson had a Kindergarten graduation ceremony at his school that was really sweet.  He is so excited to be moving up to the elementary wing of the school next year and will get to have recess with Eli!  We hosted a graduation party for a family who has a senior about to head back to the US.  It was sweet time to see them off and get to say goodbye for the summer to so many in the community who head different directions.  (The international school teachers all spend every other summer in the US as part of their contract.)  We've also been taking advantage of the warm weather that has not grown totally stifling yet by trying to get out and explore as much as we can.  Kevin's been playing baseball and soccer in the courtyard with the kids and we've been riding bikes to the small pond that is in the community not too far from our home.  In fact, when we were there yesterday, a small dog found us, and has not let us get away yet.  The dog followed the kids (even though we wouldn't let them pet it, give it food or water or any other sort of attention) all the way home (about a mile and a half).  And this dog has little legs!  She then waited outside our apartment while we put bikes away and followed us to the waffle and coffee shop that just opened in our community for lunch.  She sat outside (after being shooed out the door from the owner, who was afraid of dogs) and waited for over an hour while we ate, then followed us home and was either out in our courtyard or riding the elevator up to our 10th floor apartment the remainder of the afternoon!  And THEN, she ran alongside our bikes (we tried leaving home at different times even to throw her off) for about 2-3 miles through crazy traffic and intersections to the supermarket area where we were meeting friends for dinner.  Again, waiting outside the restaurant for over an hour, and even passing by several others who were trying to coax her into joining them by using food or their own kids!  It was remarkable.  Oh, and she of course followed us back home to go lay down in our bushes outside our home.  I have yet to see if she is still there this morning, but Kevin and I talked after we got the kids in bed last night and we're thinking there's a chance that our family has adopted (or should I say, has been adopted).  We'll see what today holds!!!

 This last picture is the kids riding their other pet--the horse they created out of our living room coffee table while Kevin and I were doing dishes after dinner.  If you look closely, you can see its tail and even the face taped onto its trashcan-head where Eli is riding! :)

Countdown!

We’re in countdown—7 days down and 2 to go until Kevin comes home!  He’s spent the last week on a trip with the high school sophomores from the international school in one of the most beautiful parts of China (Guilin).  He sent the two pics that I’m including…So wishing I was there with him to take in the natural beauty!  All of the upper-school students go on week-long trips to different parts of China.  Talk about great bonding time with the kids and having neat opportunities to go deeper with them.  Though our talk-time has been brief, so far all the reports of his time have been really great.

So the kids and I spent the first free Saturday we had riding bikes (and scooters!) to the pond that is not too far from our home.  We’ve reached a new phase that I love where we can all be mobile together (even though dodging the cars in the parking lot makes me pretty jumpy).  After our 10 minute ride, we arrived to find the tadpoles we’d discovered the weekend before transformed!  There were now thousands of tiny frogs (some still with small tails) trapped in one part of the pond (a portion that was enclosed in concrete with walls too tall for them to be able to hop out of).  It was a testimony of how few birds there are in our city that any of these small frogs were alive; they were sitting ducks just asking to be a meal for a hungry predator passing by!  But the Joseph kids were on the job, and by the time we left the pond a few hours later, several hundred of the small frogs had been “rescued” by being transported via various methods into the larger body of water where they could move about more freely.  After we finished the rescue mission (or maybe I should say, got bored with the activity), we discovered a “clean” plot of ground (not covered in dog poop or much trash) that was really quite beautiful.  The tall grass made the perfect grass whistles for the kids, and we spent another hour making swords out of the sticks we found and trying to create different pitches with different lengths of grass.  A friend who just had lasik surgery sent 2 of her boys with us, so we had quite a party (that of course drew quite a crowd as the curious on-lookers wanted to see what kind of play the foreign kids partake in!). 

I was thankful to be able to help out my friend just a bit by bringing a meal to them and trying to get her kids out to play (she has 5 of them, and her husband also is out of town on a school trip!).  I had a situation on Friday morning that was a good picture of life and relationships here in China (generally speaking).  I had a girl I know who was willing to pick up the kids’ new passports at the US Embassy in Beijing for us.  We need to get them picked up right away in order to get our resident permits renewed this month, but you either have to go to Beijing in person to get them or have some documents giving someone else permission to get them for you.  So I was so excited that a friend was already going so that we might not have to do a 3 hour trip there, then turn around for the 3 hour trip back home.  The only problem was, I had a very small window of time in which to get her the documents she needed!  So I finished teaching my pre-algebra class and raced out of the school to get across town to reach her before she had to hop on the subway to get to the train station.  After driving for an hour, I still hadn’t reached my friend when she called to say she couldn’t wait any longer.  I made a u-turn and pulled over to shed some tears of frustration at big-city traffic and how narrow the margins of life seem to be here.  I wanted to be frustrated with my friend.  Why couldn’t she have waited 10 more minutes for me to get there?  Why did she have to change the original time we were supposed to meet? Why….?  But the reality is, she hadn’t done a thing wrong!  She was incredibly gracious to be willing to pick up our stuff at all.  But most people here are working within such constraints, whether they be time or the resources they have (emotional, etc.), that we just don’t have a whole lot of extra to offer around!  So my sweet friend with 5 kids who had a husband going out of town and surgery on her eyes literally had no help.  No meals coming.  No one to help with the kids.  And it’s not because there’s something wrong with her or she doesn’t have any friends.  It’s just really difficult to have what someone in that situation needs—whether it be the energy to help out with 5 active kids or the time to prepare and bring over a meal!  I sure don’t want to make it sound like the community in which we live is cold or forces isolation; but man, it really does require a lot to serve others.  And it takes a lot of intentionality, too.  And then who do you decide who to serve and when?  The needs are seemingly endless, whether you’re looking at the ex-pat community or our Chinese friends, not to mention the social issues that so many of us would LOVE to tackle!  Sigh…  Definitely a fact of life here that forces dependence on Him more than I would otherwise experience; whether it be dependence to have my own needs met or dependence on His strength to extend the grace given to me to be able to better serve others.  Giving thanks for that deepened dependence today!  Even if it means some places of discomfort in areas I would rather not endure…

So I’ve run into 2 social issues this past week that I’m totally stumped about how to handle culturally.  Karis was invited to spend the night with a group of girls, the parents of whom I don’t know at all.  Kevin and I both agreed that it was out of the question, and we explained our reasoning to Karis to pass on to her friend with a (hopefully) polite decline of the invitation.  So I was totally caught off guard when one of the girls’ mothers (who I do know, but still don’t know well) called me to ask a very pointed “why”!  She and the other moms had it all figured out—transportation, if the girls couldn’t sleep in the same room, etc.  So every reason I gave had a good solution!  I didn’t want to come right out and say, “Sorry, but I don’t know you from Adam, and there’s no way I’m sending my 8 year old daughter to spend the night in your home where who-knows-what might be going on….”  Even though that is what was going through my head!  So my out?  I put it off on Kevin!  I think it was culturally appropriate to do, as most of the Korean homes have the husband as the very dominant authority figure (and these girls involved in the potential slumber party were all Korean families).  Kevin gave me permission to say that I needed to talk with my husband about it again and that I’d get back to them if I got his permission, so I’m hoping I haven’t totally burned the bridges with these families.  The second incident this week was with a group of Eli’s friends from school—also Korean families.  He was invited over to a playdate on Friday night to a family’s home who I again did not know.  Once again, I said no, only to have the mom call back and ask about Saturday.  And then when I again responded with a negative, she continued to text and ask about each day the following weekend!  Enough already!  I think I finally got through that I wasn’t ready to commit to anything, but I’m at a total loss as to how to encourage these cross-cultural friendships of my kids (which we really are so excited to see them developing!), yet not having much of a relationship with the other families and knowing that we have LOTS of differences in values, family dynamics, etc.  Thinking that the best route is just to open OUR home to these kids, these playdates; but gotta be honest.  Having a house-full of extra kids on our already packed weekends is not my most favorite thing.  Guess something’s gotta give!  Ha—that probably means me! J