We had an intentionally low-key Christmas celebration this
year. On Christmas Eve, we had a small
group of our closest friends come over for an early dinner. I had to chuckle as I was standing in the
kitchen, preparing to put the food on the table at about 5:30, only to learn
that one of our Chinese friends was coming late. REALLY late!
I had invited the group to come at about 4pm, mainly since several had
small kids and we wanted them to have time to play before our 5:30 dinner
time. I only discovered that one of the
girls had to work until 6pm at that moment when dinner was hot and ready to be
set out; not quite sure how she’d forgotten to mention it to me, but at least
one other friend who was there was aware of her scheduling conflicts.
So then the “die to self and my own cultural norms” got some
practice, as our mutual friend (who is also Chinese) suggested that she text
our friend coming late to ask her if we could start eating without her. In my mind, when you come more than 2 hours
late to a dinner party, the thought of the other 8 adults there waiting on you
to arrive to start eating is pretty audacious.
But what I have learned and seen many times here is that in the Chinese
culture, your guests are treated with such honor that this is the norm—to wait
as long as necessary, regardless of how hot the food is when it is finally put
out on the table! However, if the
late-comer gives verbal (or written) permission to go ahead and eat without
them, then it is okay to start the meal.
My late-coming friend did give the blessing to begin the
meal and showed up as we were finishing up our first helping of pork
tenderloin, twice baked potatoes, green bean casserole, cinnamon apple jello
salad, and corn casserole. We had left
plenty for her, and all was well with our evening of celebrating. After 3 ½
years of being here, I wonder when I’ll get to the point that I don’t
bristle at all over the slight cultural rubs.
Some days I feel like I’ve made such progress, and others I feel like I
still have such a long way to go!
Christmas day we kept as “family day only”—and it was a
blessing to have down time with just the Joseph 6! I must confess to feeling some twinges of
home sickness between Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but being able to see
the kids delight and wonder at the gifts and the time to just be still and play
together was sweet. Noah was in utter
disbelief that Christmas day had actually arrived; I think he asked me about 6
times if it was really okay for him to open his first present before he
began. He’d been hoping for that day to
arrive for countless weeks, after every time he awakened from a nap or saw
something new under the tree. I think
Christmas had kind of become that day that just never arrives in his mind!
That evening, we had another great cultural “oops!” moment.
Kevin has a group of friends he meets with regularly who had invited our
whole family to attend a special Christmas event. We showed up at the restaurant at 6:40 to
parade across the whole stage to get to our “special, foreigner” seats. (The performance evidently started at
6:30—and started on time, which is NOT typical Chinese-style!). As soon as we sat down, thinking we were
there for dinner, a woman Kevin knows leaned over and said, “Chi wan le
ma?” (which means, “Have you finished
eating?”). Kevin answered a quick, “Chi wan le, chi wan le.” (This means, “We’ve finished eating.”) But we hadn’t! We actually hadn’t even started dinner! (If you’re worried about Kevin developing a
habit of lying, don’t fret about it too much.
It’s actually the most commonly asked question here in China and acts as
the main form of greeting. Rather than
saying, “How are you?” to anyone you see, you ask them if they’ve eaten. So you’re not really looking for a genuine
answer, but trying to express concern over their well-being. And the polite answer, unless you’re showing
up to someone’s home in order to eat dinner with them, is to assure them that
you have eaten, whether you have recently or not.)
When I looked at Kevin with raised eyebrows after the woman
turned around, he sheepishly laughed and said he’d caught that the meeting was
at 6:30 at a restaurant, and guessed he’d kind of assumed that dinner was on
the agenda! 
We made it through a full two hours of the kids listening to
the Message of the season being shared in different ways (all in Chinese) and
several songs and theatrical performances.
They did amazing! I was so proud
of how well that stayed still and tried to focus on what was going on. At one point, Kevin snuck out and found some
food (not hard to do since it was a restaurant) and brought it back in for us
to discreetly snack on. We now have
learned a new vocabulary word—bu dao hui –which means a performance or celebration
that does NOT necessarily include dinner!