Christmas

Our celebrating this year took on a whole new meaning. A few days before Christmas we met up with our two closest western friends here (Sam and Charis, and Andy and Natalie and their two kids, Jenda and Blaise), grabbed some McDonald's to eat on the way, and had a hired driver in a 16-passenger van drive us about an hour and a half away to an orphanage in a nearby town. We had several of the seats in the van filled with toys, diapers, and some clothing items that the orphanage coordinator had requested. The 3 hours that we spent there with the kids and touring the facility was absolutely amazing--more than we could have asked for or imagined as far as an "experience" that was incredibly life-changing and fulfilling for all of us involved. We had literally only walked up the steps and through the child gate on the second floor when we were swarmed with Chinese toddlers, all lifting their hands up with huge grins on their faces. The experience was so surreal that we all agreed that we had wondered at the time if the kids were put up to such lovable behavior by the women in charge of the kids or if it was instigated by themselves alone! Our time with the kids over the next several hours made us believe that it was genuine--with no one forcing or even encouraging these kids to reach out and embrace us with such warmth and enthusiasm.

Each of the kids at the orphanage we visited (called Shepherd's Field in Lang Fang) had some sort of disability. The orphanage housed between 70 and 90 kids at a time, ranging in age from a few months old to 18 years. We were blown away by how well-run everything seemed to be, and how much the staff seemed to care about the children there. The facility itself was remarkable, and we were told it was started by foreigners and has a huge financial support system in the States. The people we met who worked there were all like-minded on important things, and the love they had for the children was evident in the way they cared for them.

I was amused by our kids' response to the experience as we reflected on it over dinner upon our return that night. When we asked the kids what they thought, Eli immediately responded that "Dad sure did like being there!" When we asked him what made him think so, he explained that he was constantly holding little kids or playing with them when we were there (which was true; in fact I couldn't even get to my camera before Kevin had two little toddlers in his arms immediately upon our arrival in the first dorm we visited). Neither Kevin nor I are what I would call "kid people"; we love kids, but don't naturally warm up to them or get re-energized from spending lots of time with them like some friends we have. But when Kevin reminded our kids that those children didn't have mommies or daddies to hold them whenever they wanted, it really struck a chord in them. Kevin asked them to think about how many times in a day they wanted Mom or Dad to hug them or hold them; then explained that theses kids NEVER had a mom or dad to go to when they felt that way. It was silent in the room for a minute while our kids processed this--which is a small miracle in and of itself! Other than Noah pushing through his normal afternoon naptime and having some seriously cranky behavior as a result, our kids did really well playing with the other kids and handing off Christmas gifts to the kids at Shepherd's Field.

Besides our big trip to the orphanage, we got to do some more celebrating with friends for Christmas. On Friday before Christmas I hosted a cookie decorating party for some of the kids friends at our house. Talk about being thankful for holiday care packages with baking goodies I can share with friends! On Christmas Eve we hosted a brunch with some of our western friends--26 of them in all!--and enjoyed a feast and a time of fellowship, complete with egg nog and some special mint coffee (also courtesy of a care package!). Christmas Eve night we ordered jiaozi from a nearby restaurant (a staple in the Chinese diet, and one of our families' favorite foods to eat these days!) and managed to catch a taxi to get to Gymboree, the place where Kevin's best friend Lief teaches toddlers English. Gymboree was having a big Christmas Eve party and Lief and his boss, who we've become friends with, really wanted our family to attend (the western faces in the crowd!). We stuck around for over an hour with our friends Sam and Charis, laughing at how "Chinese-ee" it was, meaning that the party was filled with games and silly dances and performances, before heading home to finish preparing for Christmas morning. Christmas Eve here is treated more like a holiday than Christmas day is, with stores staying open all night on the 24th for shopping and a general party atmosphere wherever you go--lots of revelry and even some fireworks in the streets! My ayi explained to me that this is because the Chinese compare American's Christmas to the Chinese New Year--during which the celebrating actually starts the day before the New Year and goes on throughout the night, in spite of how old you are or what your usual bedtime is! She was shocked when I told her that this is not how we do it in the US! Especially if you have kids, you're aiming for an earlier bedtime on the 24th so you can get up early for the opening of gifts on the 25th.

On Christmas day we decided to stay home from our usual fellowship (we always feel rushed getting out the door by 9:30 and can never get home before 1:30, so knew that it would take up our whole morning and decided on family worship at home instead). After a big breakfast and opening of gifts (which the kids had an abundance of, thanks to the grandparents and their generous care packages!), we had a lazy afternoon of lounging around in our pj's (I had matching pj pants made for the whole family; a luxury of living here in China! I was able to buy the flannel at a fabric market and had a seamstress come to the house and measure and custom-make the pants for each of us to wear with our white t-shirts. I know, a little cheesy, but even Kevin was willing to participate to humor his wife [probably fearing a potential homesick meltdown if he didn't!]). We did change clothes in the afternoon for me to do a quick jog and the 3 older kids to ride bikes along with me through our apartment community. We were sooooooo thankful for the weather! We haven't even had our first snow yet, and the temps are regularly in the upper 30's! We'll take it!

Christmas night we had our two closest friends again (Sam and Charis and Andy and Natalie and kids) over for dinner. I made lots of my favorite comfort foods (my mother-in-law's pork tenderloin recipe with jelly I asked her to mail me from the US, twice baked potatoes, cinnamon red hot jello salad, green salad with FETA cheese on top--which was a HUGE treat, as you don't come by feta very often here at all, and even a chocolate pie for dessert). Can you see why I had a jog that afternoon?!

Christmas was a sweet time. It was simple. It was refreshing rather than exhausting. It was great time building Magna Tile towers and playing Sorry with the kids. There were moments when we all had that knot in the pit of the stomach feeling that never seems to quite go away when you live so far from "home" and family, but it was a sweet time of remembering what is important, why we are here, His goodness in it all, and the joy of the friends He's given us on this side of the ocean!

Let the Celebrating Begin!

I can't believe that Christmas is only a week away now! It's amazing how quickly it comes! Seems like only yesterday that we were packing our bags for our first trip back to the US for Christmas last year. While we are definitely feeling the miles of distance between us and those Stateside, we're also really loving so many aspects of the intentionality of celebrating the season on this side of the ocean!

This past week we had a few celebrations: Eli and Hud had their school Christmas performance--and it was precious! Some of the pictures are from there, including the one with Ms. Barbara in it (the kids surrogate grandmother here in China, who has yet to miss one of their special events!). I also had a morning off from our usual family time last Saturday when I got together with a group of Western friends for a cookie and soup exchange and luncheon. We had sweet time enjoying one another's company, eating, and even exchanging gifts (usually fun finds that are hard to come by here--a bag of coffee, a full-sized mug, non-gaudy earrings, etc.). After the luncheon, I took off for my last study with a group of Chinese moms (as shown in the other photo--with my Western (and Aggie! Whoop!) friend, Natalie--who helped me lead the month-long study we did.) More on the study later...

I thought I'd include some of my favorite snapshots from the week that came from each one of the boys. Noah's was a few days ago as we were walking through our apartment community to bring some food to a friend. Karis was kicking the soccer ball on the way, and kicked the ball close to a little Chinese boy out with his grandpa (he was probably about 3 or 4 years old). The ball obviously startled him when it rolled past, and he responded with sort of a yelp! Noah's reaction was to immediately cry out to him, "LOOK OUT, GEGE!" (Gege is the Chinese word for older brother!) It was so quick and so natural, Karis and I both burst out laughing, especially since it seemed so odd as this word in particular is NOT part of our usual Chinese vocabulary. I'm guessing he's just practiced with Ayi, but I was unaware that he even knew what the word meant! Hudson's came on our walk to school on Thursday morning. He was telling a story--which is not at all a-typical for him. He was explaining to me what had happened on the episode of Tom and Jerry he had watched the previous afternoon (in Mandarin, of course). He explained to me that Jerry had come down with a bad case of leprosy, even getting it in his mouth! I stopped Hud and told him that he probably had the chicken pox, not leprosy, but he was convinced of his diagnosis! Eli's was this morning, as we were preparing to go shopping for Christmas presents we are taking to an orphanage next week (sure you will have a full post on that one next week!). During our discussion, he very pointedly asked me, "Mom, when are we going to get one?" I responded with, "One what?", assuming he was referring to a specific gift or something. He shocked me by saying instead, "An orphan." After I put my eyes back in their sockets and caught my breath, I asked him what made him think we were going to "get one". He stated very simply that he'd heard me mention it before (as Kevin and I have talked about the possibility of adopting some day). This prompted a very interesting discussion in which I talked with the boys (who were the only ones at the table at the time) about the possibility of us adding to our family through adoption, what this might look like, and their thoughts on the matter. It was pretty precious, them discussing the pro's and con's of another brother vs. a sister, the possibility of it being a child with extra emotional or physical needs, etc. They then explained to me that they knew all about adoption because of how many friends we have who have done so--elaborating on one family we know who lives in Shanghai and has 10 kids (I think 2 or 3 are adopted), one of whom is missing a few digits on one of his hands. The boy from Shanghai and his brothers had apparently told Eli and Hud last year when we were with them that the boys missing the digits had had dipped his fingers in a pool of water and had them bitten off by piranhas! After I stopped laughing, I was able to argue with my boys that I was quite certain this was not the real story, but only the brothers having fun and having a good attitude about something that could be a real downer in one's life.

So back to the parenting study. It finished up, I am happy to say, a total success. So much so that the ladies were really wanting to continue meeting. As much as I LOVED the time with them, it was also a big burden on Kevin and a lot of time away from the family. So we left it with me encouraging them to continue meeting together and encouraging one another (which they were very open to doing) and then maybe re-upping to meet again for a series of weeks in the Spring. I don't know of any other activity I've participated in here that has felt like a more natural bridge to building relationships and talking about things of importance. And it is sooooooo needed here! I was amazed each week at how the "normal" things that we think every parent knows just aren't talked about or considered here. Things like giving your kids boundaries or limits (or telling them "no" to anything at all!), teaching them B verses, communicating with them, finding out how they best feel loved and giving that to them, all these things are simply not known or practiced. It was so encouraging to see these women take simple basic truths and try to apply them each week, then come back and share their stories. We spent a lot of time laughing (at least they did--the parts I could understand, I was laughing along with them!). And the study was a HUGE help to my language learning. I tried to do most of the teaching time in Chinese, with resorting to Chinglish as needed and an occasional clarification in English, which I could get away with as all the ladies spoke at least some English themselves. And I also had Natalie there as my crutch--her language is incredible and we prepped together a lot, so she could help me in a bind. I found as I was lying awake one night this week not able to sleep for some reason, that as I practiced Chinese in my head, for the first time I was able to express my heart about what I feel like is important in raising kids in Mandarin. And this is a really big deal because I literally have opportunities almost every day to use this kind of language to open doors--people asking about which kid is my favorite, how beautiful they are, how important the outward appearance and their success in the world is, etc. All these things that go along with a godless culture that I see as signs of being so lost, I now have the ability to explain that there is more out there than the empty and vain pursuit of what the world has to offer! It's exciting and invigorating all at once!

I'd better head to wake Noah up from his nap. We have dinner guests coming shortly--a girl headed to the US for a time of study whose parents are both coaches of the professional athletes in town (one coaches trampoline and one softball). Kevin assures me that in spite of it being a little uncomfortable for us to host this crew (they are what we call, "full Chinese", meaning they don't really have other Westerners they hang out with, so aren't used to our custom and food differences!), it will hopefully be a beneficial relationship in which to invest! Sure to have more fun stories as a result... :)

Here With Us

I just made a big purchase this weekend--a ($.99) song off of iTunes--Joy Williams "Here With Us". Most of you probably know this one well, as it is become quite popular to hear during Christmas time. I'm not too embarrassed to say that I've pretty much had it on repeat the last two days. It has been a poignant reminder to me of His abiding presence--something I've needed to experience as of late in a way more intense than my "normal". I think I've mentioned before that one of the blessings of being here in China is that we are away from the commercialization that comes with the holiday celebrating typical of the States. And it really is a blessing in so many ways. Without trying to create too much distance and give the persona that the Joseph family has arrived at some sort of spiritual level higher than the rest, the simplicity of the season, the lack of many materials things here we would WANT to spend much money on, and the fact that so many around us have so little in comparison make it relatively easy to truly say from our hearts that our Christmas wish lists are quite short. So I am thankful for being here in China during the holiday season largely for these reasons.

I will add, however, that the times of being away from family and dear friends around holidays is that much more felt on an emotional level. Add that to the fact that Kevin and I are both feeling the weight of the burdens we feel many close friends around us right now are dealing with, and I have to admit that I was feeling a bit of a knot in my stomach this morning. A feeling of restlessness. Anxiety. Like I had something to do that I'd forgotten or somewhere I should be going. I was very subtly convicted when Kevin returned home from class. After asking how I was and if he could do anything to encourage me, he offered to help however he could and give me time to go shopping or have some girl time if I needed it. I immediately started laughing, thinking back to how I'd spent at least some of the previous two hours that he'd been away from home--partly looking through recipes (all desserts!) that could all qualify as comfort foods by anyone's standards; and partly looking at clothes on-line! I might add that this is something I RARELY do (like maybe once a year!), and that it's also probably good that international shipping is too expensive to make purchasing anything much of a reality!!

So after noting that even though I thought I was doing great, I had actively participated in two activities (baking/eating and shopping) that were great windows to show the condition of my heart and my emotional state--and it wasn't where I'd hoped it would be! I had a great time listening to some music (specifically "Here With Us" and was reminded of how I've recently been encouraged by my husbands' reminder that should all else fall away, we still have Jesus--and He is enough!). My afternoon at class was much brighter after this perspective change, and because I'm sure I'll still need a few reminders through the season, I plan on keeping Joy Williams at the top of my playlist!

On a much lighter note, two shocking events this weekend that still leave me giggling--eggs and bruises! One of our Chinese friends came over this weekend who had celebrated Thanksgiving with us the week before. I've mentioned several times that the normal here is to bring gifts when you come to someone's house as their guest. So we usually get fruit, juice, or some other sort of food item. This time, we got eggs. LOTS of them. As in a box with 60 in it! And no, that is not a type-o!! I currently have a box with 60 eggs sitting out on my yang tai (a balcony-like area that is enclosed and really cold this time of year, right off of my kitchen and used kind of like a pantry). So I'm getting creative with how to use them all up in a timely manner. Lots of omelets and quiche this week, for sure!

The other big shocker was the bruise on the back of my friend's neck that I noticed on Saturday night. My two best friends here offered to come over and watch the kids for Kevin and me to have a date night. We did so, and had a blast eating at a hot pot restaurant we just discovered that is walking distance away and then getting coffee afterward (actually, hot chocolate, as we didn't want the caffeine that late and it's hard to find decaf coffee around here!). When we were visiting with my friends upon our return home, I noticed a bruise about 2 or 3 inches in diameter in the middle of the back of one of the girls necks. As I asked with panic about what happened, fearing one of my rowdy crew had caused the damage, she laughingly told me how the other friend there had used her index and middle fingers to repeated pinch her, all at the request of the friend wearing the bruise! The reasoning was all tied to the Chinese idea of medicine and well-being. The girl with the bruise had gone outside the day before with her hair still wet after showering, allowing cold air to "get in", as she explained to me. The purpose of the pinching was to relieve the cold air by causing the heat to balance it out, thus relieving the mild headache that the girl had had since going outside the day before with damp hair.

After hearing the explanation, I kind of just stood there with my mouth open, mainly because these two girls are my best friends here and I feel like I really know them well. But then I hear something like this, that they mean with all sincerity, and I realize how many deeply embedded differences we have! It really is quite mind-boggling some days, and can make me discouraged at times, feeling like the differences are more vast than any person can reach beyond. And then I remember back to the Work that has already been done, and the reminder by Joy Williams of just who exactly is "here with us"!

(The pictures are of Karis from her school Christmas performance this past weekend--which was precious! She sang and danced with the whole class and even had a speaking part. She was having an absolute blast the whole time, making Kevin and me so thankful for the school the kids attend! The other one is of Eli with our bunny, Bo!)