Lots of People--Not Enough "Stuff"!

So when you live in a country of 3.1 billion people, and a city of an estimated 9 to 11 million (depending on who you ask), there are bound to be some repercussions to such a large number of people and only a limited amount of resources (not to mention space to fit everyone!). We got to experience that up close and personal this morning when we helped host an Easter egg hunt for a group of our Chinese friends. A good friend of mine here (who also happens to be a Texas A&M grad--whoop!), Natalie, had the idea of hosting a hunt for our local friends and then having a picnic lunch afterward. She did a ton of work in prep, and had her mom, who has just come in town from the US for a visit, bring over lots of Easter goodies. So between the two of us, we showed up at the courtyard outside of her apartment complex this morning at 9:30 with probably 150 eggs with candy and 4 dozen or so hard-boiled, decorated eggs. Natalie also had prepared party favor-type bags, with "hot commodity" items of which she only had a limited number (things like extra-large plastic eggs that each had one big bag of candy in them or a toy, large bubble wands, small containers of playd0h, etc.). I didn't ever do a head count, because the number of people present seemed to be continually changing based on how many neighbors passing by decided to stop in and join our party, but at any moment there were between 15 and 25 kids involved.

The plan was to have one of our national friends first go through the story of Easter with the Res Eggs that are so popular in the US, then have the kids hunt for eggs themselves, conclude with a pizza lunch and then send everyone home with a bag of party favors to kind of even the playing field as far as the loot that each kid would return home with. Good plan--or so we thought! After we waited for everyone we were expecting to come to actually arrive (which was closer to 10:30 rather than our scheduled 9:30 start time, which is not a-typical in a culture where time is definitely NOT valued like it is in our western one), it started very quickly to feel like we were being swarmed with both parents and kids buzzing around to see what goodies were available to be snatched up. Before we knew it, the party favor bags were being sifted through and stuff being taken out, bubbles blowing in the wind as kids would carelessly grab one, spill the bubble solution, and reach for another without any thought of how few there were or any mention from the parents that maybe this was not the best option. In the US, I've often heard of Asians as being pushy or selfish, for example pushing ahead of you to get on the elevator or invading personal space while waiting in line. I have to be honest, and say that yes, this is one of my bigger challenges of patience in adapting in this new culture; but I also see how deeply this is ingrained in literally pretty much every person I seem to meet here! If you don't push to get on the elevator, you're not ever going to get on. If you aren't up on top of the person in front of you in line, someone else is going to cut in. And the person cutting in line is not rude or selfish, rather they are seen as shrewd and wise for taking advantage of the opportunity to do so. We truly are fish who cannot describe the water in which we swim. There is not a Chinese person I know who can identify this reality--it is just a part of who you are as a result of living in place with such an incredible amount of people with such a few amount of resources available!

At one point, the friend I had invited noticed her son had taken his second bubble wand out of the box that Natalie was helplessly trying to guard, and she asked me if it was okay that he was taking another. Not really knowing what to say, and not wanting her to be embarrassed, I told her that my friend had intended that each child take one bag home with them at the end of the party, stating that she only had a limited number of the items in the bag and emphasizing that we wanted each child to get one. I'm pretty sure that the problem was not a language one, but the mother's response left me standing speechless. She looked at me and smiled awkwardly, saying, "My son wants to have two." My thought: "Of course he does! But who is the parent here? And what about all the other kids that would like to have one?!" Instead of speaking these thoughts aloud, I looked at her with my eyebrows raised and just smiled weakly. There was absolutely nothing mean or challenging in the way she responded, but Kevin later described it (I think accurately) as more of a kind of helpless plea for understanding. Her child wanted two of the bubble wands. Who was she to tell him "no"? And thus the main parenting problem we observe here--commonly referred to as "the little emperor syndrome", where the child is the ruler of the home. He calls the shots. What he wants, goes. If he wants candy for dinner, he gets candy for dinner. If he wants to be held until he goes to sleep, he is held until he goes to sleep, regardless of what sacrifice that means on the parents' (or more often, the grandparents who are raising the child most of the hours of the day) part. it's amazing to me, and exhausting, as I watch with such sadness how the children get away with murder while the parent stands by--either looking helpless and beaten or angry and unpredictable in how they are responding to their child's inappropriate behavior.

So in the case of my friend, we're still analyzing exactly what was going on as far as why she wouldn't just say, "oops! Didn't realize there were so few bubble sticks!" and return the one her son had taken. But we do know that "saving face" here is the name of the game, and when you're embarrassed, you definitely don't want to acknowledge and wrongdoing (by yourself, or in this case, your child), but instead kind of try to just avoid the topic or situation. In looking back on it, I'm not sure if I should have handled it differently, maybe not pointing out that her son was really only supposed to have one bubble wand? The side of me that longs for justice wants to scream, "Boundaries! Have them! Enforce them--for everyone's sake!" But in the long run, is a bubble wand worth potentially hindering a relationship or an opportunity to extend love and grace to another? I wish I had the answer! But I do have a feeling that I need to have a plan, as I have NO DOUBT that such situations will arise again--probably in the near future, as there are so many kids and parents that seem to interact the same way; and we plan to continue to have interaction with our Chinese friends and their children!

So on a different note, Kevin and I had the joy of another date night tonight! We had 3 jr. high and high school girls come over to watch our 4 and took off with 2 other couples for dinner. We ate at the Pizza Hut here that is close by; a first for me since our move here over a year and a half ago. What I found so funny was the rigidity in ordering. Kevin wanted to order a sausage pizza, but that was not an option on the menu. There was, however, a sausage and shrimp pizza--which he was not excited about. So he asked the waitress if he could just have the sausage and shrimp pizza with no shrimp. Her response--no can do! If he wanted to take the shrimp off he would have to pay a significant amount more money--in spite of the fact that he was choosing to NOT have the more expensive topping! Crazy! So then our friends we were eating with told us of one time recently (also at Pizza Hut) that they tried to order plain cheese pizza. Again, the waitresses response--no can do! They apparently didn't have cheese pizza as an option! Hmm....a pizza place without pizza or cheese to put on top....not sure exactly how that one works... :) Thankfully, we were all able to laugh about it (rather than be frustrated by the rigid thinking--and ordering), and we enjoyed our Hawaiian pizza instead!

On our way to the taxi after dinner, we saw another couple obviously on a date. They were riding bikes side-by-side, and holding hands in the process! Wished I'd had my camera to capture the moment!

Up the Nose

Our spring break finished up really well last week, in spite of a few close calls! I just finished telling a friend last week that I had been incredibly blessed that with 4 kids going through the toddler stage, we have not had a single incident of choking on toys or sticking small objects up the nose (or in an ear, etc.). Well, I obviously was speaking too loudly, because we had two incidents of objects of the nose within 3 days!!

After a fun day on Thursday of playing with friends and dog-sitting for a neighbor's dog (as seen in the photo) on Friday, our family met with another family (the Thorpes) who also have 4 kids a little older than ours (you've seen their pics before on the blog, as they are our kids favorite friends to spend time with here!). We met at the baseball complex which also has a track with a grassy area in the middle--completely free of doggie poo or huge masses of people! Our kids LOVE to go there and run, hit the baseball, play frisbee, etc. And to make it even better, it is walking distance from TGI Friday's--our favorite comfort food get-away! So after enjoying an evening of playing outside in beautiful temperatures and then eating burgers and chicken fingers (with honey mustard, of course!), we were doing our usual routine of hailing a taxi where Kevin is out in the street trying to wave one down and I have all 4 kids either by the hand or them with their hands on me. As soon as Kevin got a taxi to pull over, he turned to motion us out to join him in the street, and Hudson stepped off the curb without even looking; he was only centimeters away from being hit by a slew of electric bikes that were flying by at that moment! We all screamed, Hudson immediately began sobbing, and it took several minutes before any of our heart rates returned to normal. We were reminded again of His protection and how incredibly different safety is here in China! There is literally not a single moment that you can let your guard down, even when on a sidewalk, as cars and electric bikes frequently traffic even designated pedestrian areas. Also, the sheer number of people in constant motion coupled by the fact that traffic laws are merely suggestions rather than things that actually require being followed or receiving punishment if not make transportation and safety one of our continual biggest concerns. After the close call, Kevin and I both agreed that after many months of thinking through the subject, we both feel confident that purchasing a car for our family this fall is the best and wisest decision we can make.

Seems like a no-brainer in a lot of ways, but we've found the subject to be a slightly touchy one here in Tianjin. Would you believe that out of all the western families we know here, literally only 1 owns a car? We think it's largely because of the sub-culture within each ex-pat community in different cities. We know of two other cities (Beijing and Chengdu specifically) where almost every ex-pat family does own their own car, but that is just not the norm here in Tianjin! There are some obvious reasons not to purchase--there is not market for used cars, so it's not a good investment and requires purchasing a new car rather than an old one; the driving here is a totally different "style" from Stateside driving; if you can't communicate well enough verbally and an accident does take place, you're kind of out of luck. But the upsides to this family of 6, particularly in regards to safety and moving around during the long winter months have finally pushed us over the edge! So I just might be trading in my motorcycle-type 3 wheeler for a large mini-van come fall.... :)

After Hud's close call, we returned home to put a tired crew to bed, only to race into the bedroom at Hudson's panic-sounding cries. We discovered, as he choked out through frantic sobs, that he had stuck a Perler bead up his nose (a small bead you use in crafts)! We were able to get him to calm down and finally blow his nose hard enough to dislodge the bead, but both Kevin and I remain baffled as to what causes a youngster to try to fit an object into such a facial opening?

So after that, I got a text from Kevin on my cell phone yesterday while I was at a coffee shop studying stating that he had just removed 3 BB's (small plastic ones that the kids find outside) from Noah's nose using a pair of tweezers! Again--totally confused as to why all of a sudden this seems like a good idea! He was unaware of Hudson and the bead up the nose drama from this weekend, as we took Hud out of the bedroom and worked on him in the other room immediately. Maybe the fresh spring air is getting to my boys?

Speaking of Spring, I am including a photo of the cherry blossoms in bloom right now. We are LOVING both the aesthetic beauty and the sweet aroma that fills the air--so stark in contrast to the normal scents and the gray of winter that is finally lifting! We're getting outside as many hours as possible, trying to soak it all in and enjoy every moment we have of beautiful weather and no long underwear!

Last night, Kevin had a first. he went to dinner with Sam and one of the baseball players to eat hot pot (like fondue). Their menu--frogs, cow throat, and cow stomach lining! I asked Kevin how his own stomach was doing last night upon his return, and was surprised to hear that in spite of feeling a little queezy, he was actually doing okay. I guess we're getting more and more accustomed to some of the strange things we are ingesting these days?!

The night before last, our whole family had an interesting dining experience. Our landlord, who lives in England and I have never met before, showed up at our front door on Sunday afternoon! I was totally shocked and embarrassed, as our house was just about the messiest it has ever been! The boys had been building Legos all morning--so they were spread ALL over the living room floor. Noah had been playing with all the cars, racing them through the entire entryway, which was covered with cars and trucks. Karis had all of her dolls and animal figures out in different "houses" from her play time that morning in the kids' play room. I had been folding laundry, so had about 10 piles separated all over the guest room. You get the idea.... And then, we'd had the downstairs windows opened the night before, but unfortunately a dust storm had blown in, leaving a fine covering over all the floors and every surface area of the apt! I had done a quick cleaning that morning before we headed out to church, but it was far from well-done! So I got to take our landlord and her daughter from room to room, with them inspecting how "well" we'd kept up her house over the last year and a half of living here! To my surprise, she didn't seem disappointed or upset about the mess at all, and swore she'd called and e-mailed in advance before just showing up at my door (which I wonder about...). We were able to set a meeting time for the following night for us all to go to dinner, with the assumption (on our part) that we would negotiate our lease, which is up this summer.

So it was another cultural lesson for the Joseph family. After making it through an hour and a half dinner, with the kids doing surprisingly well in the situation, we left the restaurant not making any deals at all! But in spite of no contract, no money or terms even being mentioned, I think we still made forward progress. In China, it is all about the relationship--and we definitely bonded more than I thought we could have! The kids warmed up to our landlord and her daughter right away, which took me by surprise, as I wouldn't have described either as being "kid magnets" during our initial meeting. And before we left, our landlord told me 3 or 4 times not to worry, being very vague, but I think implying that we would work out the details of our rent and that she wanted us to be able to stay. She's even offered to come over this week or next to teach me how to roll jiao zi! Kevin told me on the way home how proud he was of me, knowing how difficult it is for this Type A person to hold back, wanting to get the negotiating started and one more thing checked off of my list! Again, so much to learn and so many opportunities to be stretched out of my comfort zone!!

A Much Appreciated Break

I had no idea how ready I was for a break from our normal routine! The kids started their 10-day long spring break last Friday, and we kicked off the holiday with a dinner out to TGI Friday's with our friends Sam and Charis. It was totally refreshing and relaxing; it's hilarious how we can let the kids kind of run free in the restaurant due to the few number of people who are normally there to eat and the high population of Chinese staff who think our little "wai guo xiao peng you" (foreign small friends!) are cute enough to let them get away with whatever they want. After enjoying our American burgers, ribs, and chicken strips, along with HUGE cherry Cokes, we returned home with enough balloons to make each kid happy and the taxi driver constantly have to glance in his rear view mirror!

On Saturday we hosted another birthday party--a dual one for one of our national friends and for Sam, who happened to have their birthdays on the same day! We had fun watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" (with Chinese subtitles) after enjoying dinner and dessert together (traditional cupcakes for Sam and sour cream coffee cake that I made at my Chinese friend's request!). On Sunday we went to our international fellowship where I taught Karis' Sunday school class (a really cute group of 1st and 2nd graders). We followed up the service with lunch at Mc Donald's for the kids and KFC for me--we'd heard that they just came out with a new sandwich at KFC here in China that is called the Texas something-or-other BBQ sandwich! I thought we had to at least give it a try due to it's name! Not too bad, but not exactly Texas BBQ either!!

On Monday I decided to play hookie from class! With the kids being home all week, I knew I needed to plan something to keep us all busy and to keep them from driving one another crazy! So we're going through some VBS material that I happen to have which focuses on Creation and the Creator. So each morning this week we are doing a quick lesson, followed by a "field trip", and then returning home in the afternoon to do crafts or special projects that are best tackled when the youngest member of our family is napping! So on Monday we took off for the zoo--one of the kids' very favorite spots! They had an absolute blast exploring new nooks and crannies (most of which ended up in dead ends to some sort of maintenance area!) and gathering things for their "creation bags" to take home. Karis even had her drawing pad and pencil to record special things in the creation that she enjoyed but could not bring home. There was a HORDE of people there, due to Tuesday being a huge national holiday (grave sweeping day, where you're supposed to go and honor deceased relatives by cleaning or visiting their graves); so most people have work off on Monday and Tuesday of this week. I find it interesting that when there is a huge holiday, rather than just taking the time off of work or school, both businesses and schools make up for the holiday's missed hours by having class or work the previous Saturday and sometimes Sunday! So much for getting to enjoy a long three or four-day weekend...

Today (Tuesday), after we did our lesson we took off to go hike the backwoods of Trash Mountain. Karis' teacher and my friend Natalie, along with her two little ones, joined our hiking and picnic lunch. The kids came home covered in dirt (but relatively clean dirt, so no complaints here!) and thoroughly having enjoyed their outing. As I type, they are currently spending time with one of their favorite people here in Tianjin--Ms. Barbara! She came over to bake cookies, read with, and just have play time with the older three for several hours this afternoon. When living in a place where time with grandparents is MUCH less than any of us would choose, it is such an amazing blessing to have someone willing and excited to invest in the lives of our little ones, being a godly example of what life can look like when you're living for Him... We are sooooo thankful!

So after two days of focusing on just being a mom--not doing homework, folding laundry (our ayi is off due to the national holiday, so I'm doing more than my normal share of trying to keep us in clean clothes!), not hostessing any (I realized that as much as I LOVE hostessing, I was getting a little burned out and needed a break--thus my intentionally trying to just focus on my family of 6 this week rather than cooking for or hostessing others!), and just having time to play with my kids--I've decided that I'll take another day off of class tomorrow!! I got permission from Kevin, and think I am going to spend some more time tomorrow afternoon just reading and playing Legos with my kids. The time is just too short! Is it really possible that I'm going to be a mom of a seven year old this summer?! Talk about incentive to redeem the time!!