So we've decided we're making progress. Saturday is what Kevin and I typically refer to as a "China Day", our meaning being a day that seems chalk-full of things that just don't go as you had planned! I thought I'd give a quick overview of the day:
- EARLY rising due to the fireworks being set off all around us (not sure of the reason!)
- Forgot to bring the bike lock needed to secure our double jogging stroller on our outing to Trash Mountain, where we planned to spend the morning hiking around and exploring as a family; resulted in me jogging back home and then a return jog to meet the rest of the fam (probably about an extra 1 mile trek to my journey)
- bought kites to fly at the park, making a special stop into a store to do so, only to arrive at the park and realize that the kites had no string attached, making them un-flyable for the time being!
- left my gloves resting on top of the double stroller when we began our hike, leading to another quick jog to recover them and re-join the fam (another added 1/2 mile or so)
- wasn't "on top" of Noah as close as our Chinese friends think I should have been, resulting in him tripping and falling during our hiking and me getting fussed at by the multiple Chinese grandma's around ogling over our blonde-haired little ones
- discovered that one of Karis' gloves fell out of her pocket somewhere along the way once we had almost reached home, making this the second pair of gloves to have one missing for her in the last 3 weeks (and with weather too cold to make going without not an option!)
- parted ways with Kevin on our return journey for him to go order food at a nearby restaurant for our party we were hosting that night, only to find that he still had my keys with him, making my hungry-for-lunch crew of kids have to wait outside our apartment building for an extra 15 minutes while awaiting his return (and an added jog rather than walk for him as he hurried home to rescue us)
- had a group of 12 people coming to our house for dinner and a movie night, 3 of whom canceled at the last minute, and then one who re-RSVP'd as coming a short time later, making food and table preparation that much more challenging
- our food ordered from the restaurant arrived 45 minutes later than it was supposed to arrive
So on our way to church on Sunday Kevin asked me whether I was afraid that living in China was going to have "long term negative emotional effects" on me. I was shocked at the depth of the question and unable to immediately respond as I was in the back of the taxi with three of the kids (while Kevin was up front with one), hoping to keep Noah's screaming to a minimum. I'm pretty sure the reason he asked the question in the first place was because we had spent a little while the night before evaluating how we felt the kids were doing at this stage of transition to living cross-culturally, and also because I'd had a strange day or two last week where I just felt "off". I had taken Hud to school on a Wednesday, which is not his normal day to attend, and the change in our normal routine seemed to just throw me for a loop and leave me with a knot in my stomach. I found myself asking, "Where am I? What is going on around me that I don't understand? What is this older Chinese person trying to say to me? Is this really my home? Do I have any friends here? etc..." Luckily I recovered from my little "episode" rather quickly and painlessly, but Kevin nonetheless that I was still deep in "processing" mode.
As I had more time to reflect on his question, I was able to reply enthusiastically that while there are no doubt a ton of challenges and trials that I'm feeling tested by (literally every day!), I really feel like James 1 is playing itself out in my life--that I am learning more and more how to find joy in the midst of those challenges and even seeing them (most days!) as the tests of our faith that they are intended to be. I hope that I am growing more in my dependence on Him, as I'm daily finding myself in situations that push me beyond what I feel are my natural limits. I daily cling to Him emotionally, as I miss what is familiar and our dear family and friends who are back in the States. I trust Him and His stability in my life more and more as I find that things around us change in the blink of an eye, making routine and stability here feel like an impossibility. I look to Him for strength and energy, as I feel more exhausted and spent by the end of the day than I ever dreamed possible. I chose to believe His promises, in spite of discouragement as I face the daily grind of trying to learn a REALLY hard language and manage all the tasks I have as a mom and a wife, not to mention the many blessings He's entrusted to us in Chinese friends looking for influence and counsel.
So am I suffering from long term negative effects of living here in China? I hope not! I truly believe that if He sends us back to the States today, the changes He's wrought at least in my own heart have been significant enough to make all the trials, all the tests, all the challenges, totally worth the energy and the tears they've required. Now that being stated, I'll still be honest enough to add that we feel the "grind" of living here! We have not matured yet to the point that we are walking lightly every moment of the day, breezing through conversations and life circumstances with the greatest of ease.... But hoping that our "plod" is pleasing to Him, and coveting your thoughts on our way!
BTW, the photo is one I got during a quiet Sunday evening of family Wii time. Noah even insists on being curled up close to Kevin with a remote in hand to make sure that he is not left out of the adventure!
