1 year, 5 months, 18 days

Before we moved to China, we were told during one of our training seminars that it takes 15 years or longer to begin to "break in" to a new culture. After this last week, I'm beginning to think that we are on the "or longer" track! Although we've lived here in Tianjin for almost a year and a half, I'm am still absolutely amazed at how much we have to learn about the cultural differences between China and our western thinking.

Last weekend Kevin's friend Leif came over to our house (which is a normal weekly occurrence). During dinner, he casually made the comment that one of his co-workers had a friend (whom he had never met personally) who had asked if each time Leif came over to our house, he could bring this friend of his co-worker's with him so that she could practice her English. Kevin and I immediately started chuckling together in unison, then quickly realized with shock that Leif was NOT laughing with us! We exchanged surprised glances then began back-pedaling as fast a we could--asking what he thought about this request. He shared that he understood and didn't think it at all strange--in spite of the fact that he was a regular guest and dear friend of our family and he had yet to meet this other friend of a friend! Thus the Chinese emphasis on relationships (their word is guanxi); a concept that truly lies at the core of this culture and what they value most. This prompted a long discussion on how the concept of guanxi works, and how a person can ever fulfill the obligations that come with these closely tied relationships. In China, you don't make friends quickly or without much consideration, as once you are "in" someone's inner circle, you are committed to do pretty much anything for them that they may ask (such as borrowing money, doing all sorts of inconvenient favors, etc.). While Kevin and I have been aware of the significance of guanxi, the thing that surprised us the most is how wide these circles can reach. The fact that a friend of a co-worker would make such a request, based on a mutual friendship, was truly shocking for us both (and scary at the same time, with Kevin and I both wondering how many friends of friends might call us up wanting a trip back to the States, etc.!!!). So we have lots to learn. We still haven't figured out exactly how all of this works, but are just beginning to see the complexity of the matter....

After the guanxi conversation, as I was clearing dishes, Leif and Kevin were looking at the recent addition of new photos to our refrigerator. Leif told us that he, too, had put photos on his fridge, but that our family's picture was "right here"--indicating the upper right hand corner of the fridge. Kevin and I, once again exchanging surprised glances, questioned the significance of where our family's photo was located. Leif explained (after much prompting), that the upper right hand corner was the most valuable position for the photo to be! Kevin, quickly scrambling to re-arrange our photos so that the ones with Leif were also in the upper right hand corner, explained to Leif that we had not previously had such a hierarchy of photo arrangement, and that we were thankful he had enlightened us! But it has left us wondering--are we going to be scrambling to re-arrange the photos now every time we have our friends over whose pictures also happen to be on our fridge?

The other two things we learned about culturally that night from Leif had to do with Chinese traditions. One is that his mom told him he was not allowed to get his hair cut during the 15 day celebration of Chinese New Year. The consequence of doing so: his uncle would die! The second (after seeing Karis' gaping hole in the front of her mouth and discussing the tooth fairy of the US), was what Chinese people do when they loose their baby teeth. If it is one of your top teeth, you throw it outside on the ground, thus ensuring that your top teeth will grow down out of your gums properly. Likewise, if it is a bottom tooth, you throw it up on the roof, ensuring proper growth up from your gum line!

So for whatever reason, after our short time away in China, the cultural differences seem to be rolling in more heavily than normal, and leaving us feeling slightly frustrated and irritated more than we usually are. (I must admit to feeling downright angry when I was in the elevator and the lady next to me hocked the biggest lugi I've seen right at my feet. It took all I had within me not to drop a , "Come on! Could you really not wait 30 seconds until we got outside to do that?!" But hey, this is China, not the US, and the cultural norms are just NOT the same. And I'm the one living in THEIR home country, so I know it's my job to humble my heart, bite my tongue when necessary, and recognize that different is not always bad (except maybe for the spitting thing; I can't see that I'll ever really see that as "good"!)

So my goal: the next time I go to E Mart to buy diapers and wait in line for one hour (well, maybe more like 55 minutes) while having the other people in line literally looking all through my basket to see what the foreigner is buying; the next time I ride my bike to school and play chicken on the way with all the taxi drivers who think the bike lane is better used as a passing lane for them; the next time I see a little kid with crotchless pants peeing in public at a store entryway, I can remember why I am here and how much I have developed a love for these people who have so graciously and patiently welcomed me into their world which is so different from mine!

In the meantime, I praise Him for bits and pieces of familiarity. For our Valentine celebration of decorating sugar cookies with friends (as shown in the pic) and of beautiful snow falling (and even warmer temps these last few days--all the way up to 50!).

The other pics are taken the last day of the Chinese New Year celebration after the lantern festival. On that night we had firecrackers and fireworks going off literally non-stop from about 3 pm until after Kevin and I went to bed at 11 pm. The thing I didn't take into consideration as we listened to the war going on outside of our windows--the clean up the next day that was required (and handled incredibly efficiently, I must say, with huge crews of men and women all over with large brooms)! So I suppose at this point we're down to about 13 1/2 years until we really start to get it.... But who's counting?! :)

Will try again....

Wow. Talk about frustration hitting a maximum! I've been feeling totally swamped in trying to catch up on life this week, but "things" keep seeming to happen that slow me down! I set aside all last night to FINALLY catch up on the blog, and after spending well over an hour, it all (except for the first word!) disappeared into cyber space. Zenme ban?! (That means, "what can you do?!") So here we go again. Rather than going as in-depth as I had on the last one, I've lowered my goal to at least get you all caught up on the last three weeks we've been away from the computer, and then will have to follow up with details from this week hopefully later this week!

So in an attempt to justify my truancy from Chopstick Rookies, I'll back up to Jan. 18, the last date I posted a blog update. That night, I came down with horrible flu-like symptoms. After 3 days of total misery (with me feeling like death warmed over and unable to get out of bed and Kevin managing his usual load PLUS all the extra kid/home/school duties for the kids), we decided it was time to head to the international hospital in Beijing and get my body some help! Kevin had a speaking engagement that morning at the international school for the elementary kids' chapel service, so while on his way, he managed to get friends lined up to watch kids and a driver arranged to bring the two of us into Beijing. Thankfully, the trip only took about 2 and a half hours, and I spent the rest of the day getting pumped with all sorts of stuff through an IV (anti-nausea meds, ibuprofen, and finally antibiotics). After running tests we discovered that my illness was NOT a major bout with the flu, but rather a bacterial infection that had most likely come through something I'd eaten (so food poisoning!). What was almost as big a bummer as feeling like my body was absolutely going to shut down on me was the fact that I'm pretty confident that the food culprit was the Subway sandwich I had eaten for lunch the day I'd gotten sick! Talk about disappointing when one of the major tastes of home you can get is all of a sudden marked off of your list of possible comfort food options (at least until I forget about the misery it caused!)!!

So while we were at the international hospital, the cultural differences between Chinese medicine and western medicine still shined through! When we first arrived, my fever was at 104 and I was trying to keep down some cold water (which felt great on my parched throat). But in China, you're not supposed to drink cold water, especially in the winter! So I was totally fussed at by the nurse. And in fact, I'm pretty sure that she marked somewhere on my chart that the cold water must have been the cause of my condition rather than the bacteria I had ingested from bad meat!! Then when they brought me some Tylenol to take, the cup of water they handed me was hot water! I had to laugh a little as I tried to choke down the pills with water that was almost to warm to swallow comfortably!

After being treated all day, the doctor felt fairly confident in the diagnosis of the food poisoning, but I still had a fever and had only had the antibiotics in my system for a few hours (and I have a history of being somewhat resistant to different forms of antibiotics for infections). So rather than going back home to Tianjin, he recommended that we spend the night in a nearby hotel so that if my symptoms got worse, we could quickly return to the hospital. [He also gave us the option of spending the night in the hospital, but said that we wouldn't be getting treated, just observed, and it would probably cost us around $4000! He was pretty confident we could find a hotel that suited our preferences for cheaper than that.] So as I finished up my treatment, Kevin walked around the neighborhood and found a hotel. I found it ironic that the week before I had told a friend that I was having a itch to try to find friends to watch the kids and have Kevin and I be able to get away to a hotel for a night--away from the usual routine, early morning wake ups by the kids, and responsibilities you feel when at home. So I did get my night away with my hubby, but after 3 days of eating only 1/3 of a banana I'm pretty sure I was not the engaging companion that makes a fun trip like that as fun as it could have been! Talk about slightly different circumstances than I had imagined!

The antibiotics did work their magic, and by the next day I was able to walk around some and we headed back to Tianjin to the kids, arriving by early afternoon. While we were gone, the kids had a blast! We had two friends pick them up from the school bus and bring them home (Sam and Charis), then they went to another family's house (the Thorpes) to play and eat dinner, then another friend came over and had a sleepover on our couch (Barb), and then Sam and Charis came back the next day with lunch and to relieve Barb in watching the wild hoodlums until we got home. I'm pretty sure the kids didn't even know we were gone! We can't begin to express how thankful we are for the "family" we have here who are so willing to go above and beyond to serve our family. We are truly blessed beyond what we could have asked for or imagined!

So after we returned from Beijing I had several days to finish preparing for our trip to Thailand. Our company has an annual conference there for its employees that involves times of fellowship and training.

Our time in Thailand was amazing! We had fantastic teaching and time connecting with others, and to make it ever better, some of my family was able to come! My brother-in-law, Rob, and sister, Sarah, headed up the kids program for the whole week we were there. And they brought along my mom and their little 18 month old, Ben, too! So while we were in meetings for 7 hours a day, they were in charge of entertaining and keeping alive 31 kids between the ages of 1 1/2 and 17 (with several other helpers, too). They did an AMAZING job, and were thoroughly pooped by the end of the week! While having them there was a blessing beyond words, I must admit that the sweetness also left a bitter taste as we returned to China this past weekend and were reminded of how difficult the separation is from those we love so dearly. I have shed more than a tear or two this week in that capacity....

But on a lighter note, one of my favorite memories from the week was Noah and his response to the natural beauty we were surrounded by while in Thailand. One of Noah's favorite past times is to have someone hold him to look out the large windows in our apartment and look down (we're on the 10th and 11th floors of our building) on the world below to see what is going on. Being such an industrial city, Tianjin is spotted with tall smoke towers from the factories, that billow smoke out most of the time the factories are up and running, adding to the lovely pollution problem that stains the image of China (and our lungs!). Whenever Noah spies one of these towers, he frantically points with his hand and starts puffing air out of his mouth in quick spurts until you, too, acknowledge that you are aware of the smoke stack. So the first day we were in Thailand (and throughout our time there), Noah looked up into the sky, spied a fluffy white cloud in the clear blue sky, and started huffing and puffing away! It didn't take us any time to realize what he was thinking--that this cloud was another smoke stack--and we realized that he not only can't see the sun easily, but also how rarely he sees clouds due to the haze that covers the sky from the pollution! We tried to teach him the difference between the cloud and smoke, but not quite sure his little 20-month old mind is catching on yet!

So now we are back in China. The cultural adjustment has been harder than we expected. Man, what I wouldn't give for a backyard or a place for my kids to run out and expend some energy in for a few minutes while I finish getting dinner on the table! When we returned from the States, I think we had prepared ourselves mentally and emotionally for the adjustments back into a foreign country, but for some reason they seem to be felt more a month and a half later as we return from a more brief trip internationally. I'm off to help get the boys down for naps, but hope to return to the keyboard later this week with more tantalizing tidbits about our cultural realizations and how they continue to grow...