The photo taken last week when Kevin's parents were in town is a far cry from our experience on the three-wheeler yesterday. On our way home from the older kids' home school co-op meeting, our battery on the three-wheeler began to sputter--indicating that there wasn't much "juice" left. It started off fully charged, but alas, I'm finding that the battery just never has as much power as I would like for it to! So long story short, I found myself still about two miles from our apartment with two kids in the back of a three-wheeler with a dead battery. I tried pedaling the thing home, but as my quads were on fire after about 100m I realized that we'd never make it home that way. So I decided to get off and walk. I found that if I could keep the handle turned enough then I would still get a little burst of energy from the pretty-much dead battery, giving me a little aid as I attempted to push the heavy three-wheeler through the middle of rush hour traffic on the road. Besides being physically exhausting, it was just plain embarrassing. We're already at celebrity status here because of having four little kids whose blond hair and blue eyes stand out amongst our neighbors, but I realized last week just how well-known we are. (When we were at the zoo with Kevin's parents, I had a group of young ladies come up to visit with me and Noah, who was exploring some on a rarely-found patch of real grass! After visiting with them for a few minutes, I told them that Noah was my youngest of four kids. Their faces immediately all lit up with recognition as they asked if we lived at Yang Guang Yi Bai (our apartment community). They totally knew who we were once they put me together as the mother of the four Joseph kids! I was totally taken aback by the whole thing!) Anyway, I kept having thoughts of now being known as the crazy foreigner with tons of kids who can't even keep her three-wheeler battery charged up enough to ride at every crowded bus stop we passed.
To top it all off, I had to deal with maneuvering the three-wheeler through the road traffic that is not exactly "friendly". I was having to compete with every car that came by for a position on the road, and experienced little to no help from anyone seeing my desperate situation and wanting to aid me as I attempted to navigate the rough road conditions and large number of other vehicles. I was so fed up with it all. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout at the other drivers. I thought about flipping a few of them off as I was cut off multiple times and had to stop my forward motion to avoid a collision. (I know, great confession for someone in our line of work.) And all the while, Karis and Eli were singing praise songs in the back end of the three-wheeler. For the entire hour and 10 minutes it took us to get home. Oh, how I (eventually!) praised Him for the conviction that so often comes from the mouth of babes!
When we finally arrived safely home and I had a thorough melt-down on Kevin's shoulder, K was reminded of quite a few things. This week I have been revisiting II Cor. 12--that all so famous passage about Paul and the thorn in his flesh. I have been marveling at his attitude--that not merely of accepting the challenges and trials that He brought him, but that he actually "delights" in those challenges. As I looked again at Paul's secret to contentment that he talks about in Phil 4, it is obvious that there is no gap between his theology (that He is good and working all things together for good) and his reality (that he truly believes Him and lives it out so that others can see). So this is the goal. To narrow that gap by faith so that my theology and my reality are aligned. So that on days when I have had it and just want to go "home" where things are comfortable, the environment familiar and normal, and people I love are all around, I can still stand firm with joy here where I am planted--without running to pack my bags or check airline ticket prices. And to do so not just with acceptance, but with "delight" as Paul does. It occurred to me while I was pushing the three-wheeler and alternating between bumping my head on the overhang and my shin on the pedal that I may not physically be able to make it home pushing my "mini van". I was reminded of my weaknesses, my shortcomings; and in that reminder I see again that I have the choice to rejoice in those weaknesses knowing that somehow He is glorified and that that is the exact place where He can truly shine as I allow Him to do so in full submission. Ugh! To narrow that gap so that this reality can become real and can be used to shine brightly!
So this morning, Kevin has given me the gift of time to sneak away upstairs and hide for some quiet time while he manages the crew downstairs. As I've had great time in the Word, I've been challenged again by Paul and his attitude of complete surrender to the Spirit's working, and have reflected on one of my bigger life lessons. My sophomore year in high school was an extremely challenging one for me. I was incredibly lonely. My group of friends from junior high became the "popular crowd" in high school, and chose (for the most part) to walk a little bit on the wild side. In choosing NOT to do so, I ended up isolating my self and basically staying home every weekend night. I can still remember the knot in my stomach as I was one of the only ones I knew literally not invited to a single school dance all year (or the next, for that matter!). For a while, I think I threw a pretty good pity party for myself, but then I had a wake up call. In the late winter, I remember finding out about a friend who had been abused when she was younger. It rocked my world, and showed me how many people out there who I interacted with every day had a lot bigger problems than being lonely and not invited to school dances. I can vividly remember feeling that He was challenging me to make it my mission in my school to deliberately seek out those who were hurting on lonely and pursue them with kindness. I have no doubts that my attempts were feeble and could have done much more to encourage others, but my senior year I was given the award of "Most Congenial" by the student body and felt that it was His way of blessing me for my efforts to please Him by loving others. So now I find myself in a similar situation 12 years later--without the knot in my stomach of loneliness, but still struggling in many ways nonetheless--and I realize that I have a similar challenge. There are SO many people around us here--both ex-pats who are missing home and nationals who don't even know what they are missing--who are in need. And I can choose to wallow in my own dead battery or get over it and be intentional about reaching out in an attempt to bless those around me. So I lay this before you--oh blog reader--as a way of accountability. The choice is obviously clear as to the "greater path", and my resolved ambition to do it well, with joy and laughter on the way! Bring on those weaknesses--I'm ready to delight as I slowly plod forward on this journey He's directed!!
