We Love America!!!!

Who needs a pillow when you have a brother's head?

We've been back now for three weeks, and we're soaking it in--the time with precious cousins, the predictable traffic patterns on the road while driving, grocery stores that have anything you could dream up all under one roof, being able to get multiple things accomplished in one day....we're loving it all and thankful beyond what words can express.  We are in a borrowed house, driving borrowed cars, and feel unbelievably loved and cared for by the generosity of more people than we can count.  It brings me to tears just reflecting on it all!  And of course, we've had some really good laughs along the way as we all adjust to culture shock.  Until you've lived overseas, you can't imagine how much the U.S. changes in just the two short years that we're away.  We come back to so many things that are different, and the funniest part is watching Noah in particular as he tries to take it all in.  So here are some stories so you can share in our laughter...

Yea for California beaches!

When we first arrived in the US, we landed in the LA area of California for a wedding.  We spent about 5 days there, getting over jetlag, visiting friends, and I'll admit, doing some serious shopping.  (Karis has grown 5 1/2 inches in the past two years, so she was down to 2 pair of pants that she could wear--although I'm now seeing we probably could've gotten away with wearing a few of her high waters, as the ankle length is so trendy!)  Our second day in country, we were at a beautiful park with friends when a caucasian woman walked past with her dog on a leash.  Noah asked me if he could ask her for permission to pet her dog, upon which I responded in the affirmative.  He took off jogging toward her, then turned around and ran back to me, asking, "Um...should I use English?"  It was awesome.  I assured him that yes, he should use English (rather than Chinese), and he was thrilled to jog back and make a new friend.

The next day we were at a mall courtyard area and the kids were exhausted from the jet lag (13 hours difference--so pretty major to adjust to!).  We were eating lunch when Noah put his head down on the table and asked if he could lay out on the empty chairs next to him to take a short nap.  I told him that he could not, and he responded with "Gosh.  I wish I was back in China."  When I asked him why, assuming that he was going to explain that then he wouldn't have to deal with transitioning to the new time zone, instead he answered, "Because in China you can sleep wherever you want!"  We all laughed at how insightful this was, as you truly see people sleeping in all kinds of public places in China without any shame or embarrassment over it!

State Fair of TX

The following day when I was waiting in our hotel lobby for our friends to come join us so we could travel together to the rehearsal dinner, a group of young adults walked in together.  They stood in a huddle, visiting with one another, when one of the guys looked over at me sitting on the couch (a good 8 to 10 feet away from where they were congregated), and asked politely, "Oh!  I'm sorry!  Are we crowding you?"  I nearly fell off the sofa from the shock of it!  Oh, Buddy.  If you only knew what my definition of crowding is after living 7 years in China where personal space is NOT a known concept!

Pumpkins in our neighborhood

So what are some of the things that we're not used to anymore?  Water fountains!  Every time we come back, the kids are fascinated by water fountains, stopping at every one we pass to grab a sip of water.  Wearing shoes in the house!  It's still not unusual for the kids to forget that they don't have to take off their shoes when we enter a home, so they usually drop them at the front door as soon as they come in.  There have been a few times where both Hudson and Noah have dropped to their hands and their knees to start crawling across the floor to grab something they've forgotten (not wanting to take off their shoes).  It's pretty funny to hear the older kids reminding them that it's okay here to actually wear your shoes into the house to get what you need.  Drinks are too cold!  We're all not used to such extreme cold temperatures in our drinks, preferring our usual lukewarm water, hot teas, or only slightly chilled soda.  Church here is an actual building!  On our first Saturday back in town, Noah asked, "So tomorrow's Sunday, right?  Who's house are we going to for church?"  We all chuckled as we reminded him that in the US you go to an actual building for church.  He was excited!

weekend trip to Broken Bow, OK with cousins

It's also fun to see the kids processing some deeper questions that the change in culture brings up.  When we were in California, we observed a huge number of people out exercising on a regular basis.  The kids were shocked at this--especially at how little clothing the women were wearing compared to what is normal in our super-conservative community in China.  When Hudson first noticed and mentioned in the car how many people he saw out exercising, we discussed how physical appearance is important in that part of the country and how people in America typically value exercise and physical fitness more than people do where we live.  His next question prompted more great conversation when he said, "So, is it good or bad that people exercise so much more?"  It was a neat chance to talk together as a family about how valuable it is to be healthy and active, and yet how easy it is to take it to an unhealthy extreme and have that or physical appearance become an idol that can control you.  I wondered if those observations and questions would have come from my nine year old if he didn't have the cross-cultural comparison to make.

Halloween Loot!

Our time so far has been spent visiting friends and family, and we have two more months of that to look forward to!  I'll include some of our favorite pics of the memories we're making...

Party Central!

These past two weeks we've had three celebrations going on around us.  So here's the skinny on each of them, along with a few pictures....

Our 7th Anniversary in China
On September 4th, our family celebrated the 7th year that we've lived overseas.  Each year, we let the kids pick what they want to do in order to celebrate this auspicious occasion.  They ran through quite a few options (including some of their favorite parks, a movie, a trip to the mountains) before all agreeing that going out for hot pot would be their first choice.  Unfortunately, it was NOT Kevin's first choice, so he convinced them to go out for kabobs and noodles (the local favorites where we now live) instead!  So everyone was happy, and I made one of their favorite desserts (which includes some import ingredients, like chocolate pudding) to top off the evening.  We did some talk time, reminiscing on the 7 years we've spent here, and the blessing that it is each year to celebrate one more!

Eli's 11th Birthday

Bday banana pudding!

I can't believe my second-born is already 11 years old!  Oh, how the time flies.  While I enjoyed my kids as babies and toddlers, I must admit, I LOVE this phase of life with them!  Somehow, mom and dad are still cool enough for them to want time with us, and the conversations and activities we can do together are such a blast.  Eli is developing into a young man of rich character--it's really neat to see his personality and his gifts coming out.  He's my regular handy-man.  When something needs fixing, I turn to him before anyone else (don't tell Kevin!).  He loves to pull out the tools and see what magic he can work.  He got my fan taken apart and completely cleaned out last week (and put back together again) and then got the hose re-installed under the (one!) bathroom sink yesterday.  I don't know what I'd do without him!  And he loves running to the market stores for me to buy groceries.  It's really fun to send him out with money and my shopping cart and see him be able to communicate enough now in Chinese to get the job done.  And his heart for littler kids is really sweet.  His gentle spirit and tenacity are the perfect combination for him to befriend and win over some of the young kids in our community (like our Crossfit coach's son, who is present at the workouts in the mornings when we are there).  I'm so thankful for my kids, and it was a fun day to celebrate the young man Eli is growing into!

Eli on his bday "throne"

Eli's Hero workout

So Eli was celebrated early on his birthday morning with having a Crossfit Hero workout named after him!  The coach put together a workout designed with Eli in mind, with each of the numbers of reps and sets being connected to his birthdate in some way.  I think Eli felt really loved and honored by the whole thing!  When we came home from the workout, the house had been decorated by Karis and Noah (who had stayed behind with Kevin) with balloons, streamers, and signs.  So sweet to see his siblings serving him without so much as a suggestion to do so on my part!  He got to open his presents after the workout, and Kevin and I both marveled at one of the positive aspects (I think!) of the life we live overseas.  It's just really hard to find gifts of good quality for a decent price (it's normal for the price to be doubled or tripled on most import products--like Legos).  So we usually go pretty light on birthday gifts for the kids.  This year Eli got a pretty large Lego set and a pair of binoculars (he also got money from grandparents to spend as he wishes--which will be in some on-line shopping).  That's it!  He knows he has a camo shirt (for hunting, which he can't wait for!) at my parent's house waiting for him in Dallas, but other than those few things, that was it for his birthday presents.  And I don't think I'm being naive to say that he really was content!  He spent the afternoon putting together his Lego set, saying thank you several times, and I really think that overall, our kids have just learned to be content with less "stuff" than they ever were before.  Fewer tortilla chips on taco Thursdays, fewer boxed brownie mixes, fewer pair of shoes to chose from to wear each day.  And they're okay with that!  Now, please don't get me wrong--they have a LONG list of things they're excited to do, buy, and eat once we get to the US.  But for where we are now, and most days, they are content with the more simplified life that we (by necessity) are living.  Talk about grace!

Then in the afternoon a group of 4 of his friends came over (all Korean kids who are still here in town).  The kids all played virus tag outside for almost two hours, snacking in between some, and then came in for dinner, Nerf gun battles, and a viewing of Zootopia.  He had a blast, and again, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness at this group of kids and the blessing that they have been to my kids these past few months.

sheep/rams

Quorban

our apt complex's sheep pen

The celebration that is taken most seriously--maybe even more so than Ramadan--by the people who live around us is taking place right now.  The holiday lasts a full week, but the first day or two are the most intense (mainly because that is when each family is supposed to sacrifice a lamb (but we would call them more of a ram, because of the size and the horns).  It's absolutely intriguing--and a bit disturbing for those who are animal lovers.  The day before the holiday begins, you see pens of the lambs all over (this is a new practice; last year the lambs were required to be kept outside of the city limits, but there was a lot of push-back from that because it makes it so hard to bring a lamb home if you can't just walk it there; we saw lots of hilarious scenes with lambs being hauled around town in the back of open taxi trunks!).  Then the day of the holiday, you see lots of people (an entire extended family is supposed to work together to do the slaughter and the butchering of the animal) working together to kill the animal and then prepare it (you're supposed to eat all the edible parts, then you bring the skin, head, and legs to the mosque or give them to the poor).  I was just outside with the kids when we paused to watch one sacrifice as it was taking place.  I'm not totally sure, but it looked like all the family members came and squatted down to lay their hands on the beast as it's throat was cut (you can see the group around the animal in the picture).  And then there's a specific order in which you're supposed to visit friends and neighbors during the week, starting with your closest family members and then moving outward in your circle of friends.  So I've been baking and we purchased some other gifts (like honey and specially boxed jams) to bring to neighbors and to the one friends' home we're going to tomorrow evening for dinner (which is a bigger invitation when it includes a meal, rather than just a drop-in visit).  It's a really neat time to be able to learn more of the culture of those around us, as well as to engage in more meaningful conversations about deeper topics.

butchering of the ram

laying hands on the sacrifice

So that's it for the celebrations!  I must confess, I'm feeling weary.  Four weeks from today we'll be on a plane heading back to the US, and I'm trying not to count down the days!  I'm ready for a break--mainly from the things here that just seem to take so much time that could be short-cut in Stateside living.  I took a picture this week to illustrate--spinach.  In the US, I LOVE to go to Sam's Club and buy one of those huge tubs of spinach, then keep in in the fridge and use it for salads for a week or longer (oh, and don't get me started on feta cheese, or my mouth might not stop watering!).  Here, I can buy spinach, but the amount of time it takes to get all the dirt off, soak it to kill any parasites, and dry it to make sure we're not getting to much of the sink water in our systems makes spinach for salad more of a delicacy than it would ever be in the US!  Sigh....soon enough!  I'll be eating mounds of spinach and letting my kids indulge in slices of cheese (you can find mozzarella here, but it's expensive enough that you can't just eat it freely; and any other type of cheese is a rarity for sure!) in no time!

kids w/ their favorite "stray" dogs

Blessings in the Gaps

first day of our fall semester and the kids school bucks

I'll be honest--we've all kind of been dreading this summer a bit.  Each of us in the Joseph family had several things that we were concerned about and maybe even a bit anxious over, and yet I am thrilled to report that rather than experiencing our worst-case scenarios, we've been blessed to see provision and joy in the midst of the "gaps"--the things in life that we thought would be missing or difficult to endure.  Here's a brief account...
Friends
So many of the kids' friends are not here this summer (in fact, literally none of the western kids within 5 years of their ages are within an hour of our home!) that everyone was thinking it could feel really lonely.  But we have been so blessed to see the provision of new friends and reconnecting with old, as well as unexpected friends who cover a wide age range.  Through baseball, the kids have met a few Korean families with kids who are also their ages, and these kids are just phenomenal!  They are super polite and respectful and fun to be around, and even though they are all in the 10-14 year age range, they are really inclusive of all my kiddos (even Noah, who has a tendency to be a BIG personality who likes to smother older kids whenever he gets the chance!).  They've also had their best local friend, Bob, home from the soccer academy for the summer, so they're getting hours of outdoor activity with this kind young man.  And it's great language practice, too!  The kids have also been able to not only serve some of the families in our community with smaller kids, but also have really enjoyed playing with quite a few younger ones--kids in the age range of 1-6 years old.  It has been an absolute delight to me to see all four of mine growing in their caretaking abilities and their desire to help out with the little ones.  There aren't many babysitting options where we are, so to be able to give parents a break occasionally by watching their toddlers is something that is greatly appreciated in this community.  I often wonder what it would be like if we were in Dallas where it seems like so many kids are only interested in playing with their peers.  Would my kids have the same willingness (and even enthusiasm) to engage with younger kids in play for hours on end?  In addition to older and younger kids, my kids have also had the unexpected blessing of young adults who have made an intentional investment in them.  There were two young men who came for 6 weeks this summer to help out with the baseball company, and then there have been several friends of friends traveling through our part of the country as tourists who we've gotten to spend time with over some meals.  It's been so fun to see our kids getting to interact with these "young people" (mainly college-aged, and I'm embarrassed to admit, are also now closer to my kids' ages than they are to mine! yikes!  how did that happen?!!!).  There are also a few younger couples here in our community who have really pursued our kids and getting to know them as the young men and women they are becoming.  One of my friends with a toddler had her husband away for business for a week and a half, and during that time Karis went over and would just hang out with her and chat it up.  When her water went out for several days, Eli convinced his friends a couple of times that it would be really cool to go over and help haul water in buckets back to her apartment.  It was pretty sweet to see the way their developing friendship with this young couple has been such a mutual blessing to both parties!

our "gym"

my boys as babysitters

Crossfit 
When Kevin and I decided not to compete in the triathlon this year, we agreed that having a goal to work toward in our exercise was still a good thing.  So when two of our western friends here decided to start Crossfit, and when one of the husbands/coaches agreed to start a women's group, we signed up!  I convinced my three boys (who really wanted to participate) that it was okay for them to be a part of the ladies' group (and gave them permission to do regular push-ups rather than girly ones).  Kevin would love to join in the action, but with his back so messed up after years of baseball, there's really no way.  He threw it out the last time just by opening a jar of olives for me, so the straining and jarring of Crossfit is just not a good "fit" for him (haha!).  I never dreamed that we would all enjoy it so much!  The group meets 3 times a week and we love every bit of it--the camaraderie from exercising together, using new muscles I didn't think I had, meeting new local friends.  Karis is the one in our family who is much more drawn to the fine arts than she is to physical activity, so she has opted out of the Crossfit exercise regiment.  However, she has been an incredible blessing to our coach and his wife, watching their 1 1/2 year old so the wife can work out while the husband coaches in 3 languages!  Everyone wins!  And Noah has taken a real liking to this precious little boy--they even have matching Wednesday uniforms for the work out, as shown in the photo!

Heat

baseball camp in the mountains

Last summer was overwhelming with the heat.  There was a period of about a month where we just felt uncomfortable ALL the time.  We thought with the desert dry heat that we would at least get some reprieve in the evenings after the sun went down, but whether we were just ignorant or if it was a circulation problem within our apartment, I'm not sure.  Either way, we couldn't get a break from it.  There was over a week of above 100 degree temps, and we couldn't get it down below 86 in our apartment.  Couple that with it not being appropriate to wear shorts (for either men or women) or tank tops, and let me tell ya, we were feeling the heat.  I'm thrilled to share that this summer has NOT been that way at all!  There are only two days that I've accounted for the temperature being over 100, and we've actually really enjoyed the weather outside, allowing us to make full use of the freedom in our schedules that summer brings.

Baseball
While last summer's schedule with baseball was grueling for Kevin, this summer was much more manageable.  Rather than doing baseball 6 mornings a week, they dropped it down to 3 times a week instead.  That, along with the cooler temperatures and the two young men who were in town to help, made the job so much less fatiguing!  Kevin's company was also able to coordinate several games with college players and alumni teams, one of which the boys were even able to play in due to a shortage of players on the field.  It made for some fun memories for everyone involved!

Hud and Trapper

Pets

Noah and Trapper--same same

Really, this comes down to just one pet--our cat, Trapper.  I know I've said it before, but I'm still astounded at the gift he is to our family.  Coming from a family of dog lovers, and thinking that cats should remain outdoors most of the time, having a cat in an apartment has been an eye-opening experience for me.  I never dreamed that these small creatures, who can be so nasty when they're "bad" ones, could be such active participants in a family's daily routine.  Trapper amazes me with his patience with the kids as he gets dragged around, used as Nerf gun target practice, and yanked on by the numerous toddlers who come through our door.  He stands at the kids' door in the morning, meowing impatiently until they are out and ready to play for the day.  He follows them around, interested in every new activity they begin.  He literally plays tag with them around the living room, darting out in sneak attack and whopping them with his paw (claws not extended), then darting away again.  Talk about a bright spot in light of the fact that our hope in coming was to get a dog, and we felt like a cat was "settling" for something much less desired.

Hud with his chicken foot

Ice Cream and Chicken Feet

green pea ice cream

This subtitle says it all.  Who would have thought that my kids would grow to love green pea ice cream?!  And chewing on chicken feet would be not only fun, but a tasty treat as well?!  Leave it to living overseas and the continual surprises that brings, but we've obviously enculturated to the extent that our diet has broken out of the typical American norm.  Seven years here and we're eating things I never dreamed we would.  Who knows how broad our horizons might expand over the next seven more!

Poop in the Stairwell

celebrating summer w/ cotton candy

I won't post a picture to give any more of a visual of the title of this post...but I do feel like it's a good picture of what we've been stepping around as of late.  Yes, there has been a pile of human excrement in our stairwell for several days now.  We do have an elevator, but this past week when it went out we discovered the stinky pile as we passed by it (thankfully, not through it) on our way up to our 8th floor apartment.  Gross.  Putrid.  Really inconvenient.  Yet unavoidable, and what are you gonna do about it (other than maybe clean it up myself, which I haven't brought myself to doing yet...)???  So while we're waiting for the pile to be removed or our elevator to get repaired, I figure that the best approach is to be aware of it being there, take heed as we dodge the pile, hold our breath, and press on ahead.  My life, in so many regards....

grass whistles

Three weeks ago, two of the kids were bitten by stray dogs.  The crazy part is that it was two different dogs, on two different days (one on a Friday and one on a Sunday), in two different apartment complexes!  What are the odds?  Now when I say stray dogs, you kind of have to have some context.  In our part of town, most people consider dogs to be unclean, so you should't have one in your home.  But, of course, lots of kids still like dogs.  So you end up with kids getting puppies, but they can't have them in their homes (and VERY few apartments have any sort of outdoor courtyard that could contain a pet).  So you end up with kids keeping puppies in their apartment hallways until they are bigger, then they turn them loose outside to kind of run wild, but sometimes consider these "stray" dogs to kind of belong to them.  So it's really normal to have a pack of dogs living in an apartment community courtyard with different people feeding them at different times.  All four of my kids are HUGE dog lovers, so this really has been a huge blessing to them to have such easy access to playing with dogs in the area.  They have them all named (currently, our complex has a pack of about 6 that are living in a small grassy patch on the other side of our building) and go outside to play with them regularly.  Jasper, my kids' current favorite, loves to roller blade alongside the kids all throughout the complex and also is an incredible frisbee player, retrieving and returning the frisbee every time it's thrown!  It's a bit of a sad situation, too, however, in that these dogs are often severely mistreated by people within the community and they're, of course, quite mangy, as they live off of whatever scraps, garbage, or small critters they can find and never are indoors to get groomed or bathed.  It's also pretty normal for them to just disappear or be known to be killed by workers within a complex (usually the garbage collectors).  So we've had pretty strict rules concerning these dogs; the kids are allowed to play with them but they're not supposed to be petting or touching them.  This has gotten increasingly more difficult though as they've gotten to know so many of these dogs better and the dogs have a huge affection for my kids, some of the only ones who are kind and compassionate toward them.

Noah at the water park

So 3 weeks ago, Karis was playing with several of the dogs in a friends' complex when Tapioca, one of the girls' favorites, got carried away and nipped Karis in the arm.  It was only a small bite, but punctured the skin nonetheless.  Kevin and I weren't sure that we needed to take drastic measures at that point, as we were pretty certain the dog wouldn't be carrying rabies and the bite wound was so minor, but we were still concerned and in the process of talking through the issue on Sunday, when Noah was bitten by a different dog (Freddy).  The kids were outside playing a game of Virus Tag with a group of their friends when Freddy jumped out from behind the bushes and latched onto Noah's arm.  His bite was much more severe, breaking the skin and leaving bruises in several spots, and Noah was obviously shaken up by the whole thing.  Freddy's been around in our friend's complex since this winter, and he's always been pretty mean, but this seemed even more extreme an act of aggression than we were used to, which increased our concern.  As we did the research and talked with our American doctor friend here in town, our fears were confirmed about the seriousness of rabies (once you show any symptoms, it's too late; there is not cure and rabies almost always ends in the fatality of the victim).  We decided it wasn't worth the risk, no matter how minimal it might be, that the kids could have been infected, so we started the hunt for the post-exposure rabies shot.  You would think this would be a simple task; it is not!!!  We took off on Monday morning after researching on Sunday and knew that we were looking for two different shots--one is an immunization that we wanted all 4 of the kids to get, and the other is the post-exposure globulin that is administered if you have been bitten by a dog with (possibly) rabies.  After 6 hours we returned home on Monday having all 4 kids receiving a shot, only to discover after confirming with another doctor that all they had received was the immunization, NOT the post-exposure shot that is so necessary for Karis and Noah who had already been bitten.  And this is after trips to multiple different hospitals and CDCs in town, with everyone we talked to assuring us that this is all that we needed and all that was available.  We even had to fight to get Hudson and Eli the shots, as they didn't have proof that they'd been bitten and therefore the doctors felt like an immunization was a waste of a shot!

Karis and Hud picking flowers

So the next step was getting to some place that did have the right shot.  After an hour-long phone conversation to the international hospital in Beijing, finally ending in me speaking to an American ER doctor there who confirmed that we could get the post-exposure globulin, Kevin got on a plane with Karis and Noah on Thursday to take a four and a half hour flight across the country, wait in the ER for several hours before getting the needed (and very painful!) shots, spend the night in a hotel, then turn around and fly back the next morning so they were back in time for a lunch meeting Kevin had scheduled for Friday.  And the funny thing is, this doesn't seem too abnormal to us!  I guess one of the things we've adjusted to is that living overseas requires a lot of extremes that you would never dream of doing (or enduring!) in the US.  So we're resting much more easily now, knowing that the kids who were bitten have a "good" dose of the required medicine and tomorrow marks the final round of the immunizations needed for all 4 kids (5 rounds of shots total).  The kids are counting down the days till they have permission to re-engage with their dog friends, who have been patiently awaiting our kids' return to the courtyard for a game of frisbee.

Noah's 7th bday celebration (June 3)

We've had a scary instance or two within our apartment complex over the 15 months that we've lived here, but only twice have we had late-night knocks on our front door that left us rattled.  Unfortunately, the one night Kevin was away marked our most scary incident of that nature yet... A little before midnight there was an intense pounding on our front door that aroused me from sleep.  As I ran/stumbled to the door, the banging increased in aggression and there was rattling of the door handle as well as a key going into the lock.  Now this normally would have unnerved me, but the key in the lock sound really put me over the edge because just that afternoon I had gotten a copy of our front door key made at a nearby store.  While in the store, there was a man there who made me uncomfortable, asking me lots of questions and expressing his frustration with American in general (I couldn't quite figure out why.... he was using some vocabulary that I didn't know!).  So the whole time our door is getting pounded upon my mind was racing with the possibility of someone having followed me home, knowing where we lived, having a copy of our key, and their ability to waltz right into our home.  I was still pretty drowsy but had enough wherewithal to start shouting in as deep and threatening a voice as I could in Chinese, and within a few short (but long feeling) minutes, the person on the other side of the door ran to the stairwell and down the stairs.  I was so shaken up thinking that there was a chance still that someone had a key that I spent the rest of the night clutching a baseball bat and fervently asking for help in my heart!  I did have to chuckle at the difference in my response and a friend's.  Upon their arrival here in our city (several years ago), they had a group of men gather at their front door and pound on their door for quite a long period of time, evidently not just at the wrong door but seemingly in anger or disapproval of their new foreign neighbors.  Our friends were brand new to the country, so they were also at a language disadvantage, not being able to ask through the closed door what the problem was.  Rather than picking up a baseball bat and being ready to take off the head of the first intruder to walk through the door (my possibly unsanctified approach to this situation), the husband had his wife and daughters lock themselves in a back bedroom and prepared tea.  He figured if the men outside were to get into his home he would at least try to win them over with warm hospitality and servant heartedness!  Guess I have some room to grow if that is what loving your enemies looks like...

Karis' surprise!

So the next pile of poop came less than a week later.  Karis' birthday was on June 17, and the day before that I threw a surprise party for her.  I had 6 of the western girls here in the city (which is pretty much all of them between the ages of 6 and 15!) meet at our favorite restaurant for lunch then took them all to the plant market for Karis to let her friends help her pick out some potted flowers (this is one of her favorite places in the whole city!).  We had been in the plant market about an hour and were winding down when the group of girls stopped at one tree that had two pieces of fruit growing on it that looked  a lot like kiwi.  Before I could say anything, one of the girls reached out and gently touched the fruit on the tree and encouraged her sister to do the same.  In a flash, the somewhat withered piece of fruit dropped off the tree and into the girl's hand.  We all stood there looking at it for a moment before the vendor walked over, obviously not happy.  He started fussing at us and then pointed to a sign that said the cost of the tree was 600 kuai (about $100) and touching the tree cost you 50 kuai (about $8).  The two sister who had touched the tree have pretty good Chinese, so they initially tried to argue with the vendor that the fruit was already withered and that caused it to drop, but he wouldn't have it.  So they (very maturely, I thought) pulled out their wallets (which they happened to have to buy their own plants) and tried to hand him 50 kuai.  The man wouldn't accept the money, saying it wasn't enough, and grabbed onto one of the girls sweaters.  I removed his hand and told the girls to walk closer toward the door, away from the vendor's stall.  I proceeded to argue with him, urging him to take the 50 kuai or nothing, but he insisted that 4 or 5 girls had touched it so we needed to pay him more money, not specifying an amount.  At this point I told him to take the money or we were leaving, but he said that he wouldn't let us go.  I tried to call his bluff by walking away, at which point it got scary.  This small man grabbed my arm with both of his hands with such ferocity and strength it shocked me.  He managed to literally drag me back to his stall by holding my one arm after I'd walked away about 20 feet.  This is when I realized we were in trouble.  I tried speaking loudly and forcefully to him, telling him to let me go in every language I could get out, but to no avail.  His grip was really hurting at this point!  When I realized that I wasn't going to convince him to release me and I saw the horrified look on the girls' faces who were standing by helplessly looking on I made the conscious decision to starting yelling.  In China, a lot of time you don't get peoples' attention until you make a lot of noise.  It's an honor/shame culture, and someone yelling at you makes them loose face (feel shame), so you see this practiced ALL the time--people yelling at the security guards when they're not quick enough to open the gate to an apartment community exit, at lines at the ticket counter of an airport, etc.  My yelling worked.  I started screaming out my defense in Chinese, explaining that we made a mistake by touching the tree and were trying to give him money, but that the man wouldn't take it.  Then I started yelling for someone to call the police, hoping that would prove to the bystanders that I was convinced of my own innocence in the matter.  Thankfully, right away a few men came to my rescue, one in particular who started yelling back at the vendor and I think (I can't remember this part clearly) actually got the vendor to release my arm.  I didn't even stop to thank my rescuers, but threw the money at the vendor's feet and started running toward the group of girls waiting in tears for me.  We all bolted for the entrance door (the exit was the other way that would have taken us right past the angry vendor) and managed to talk our way out (the security guard there was hesitant, but we kind of just blew past him as I hurriedly explained that an angry man was chasing us and we needed to get out as fast as we could).  We ran to our car and took off, stopping to debrief and pray together before returning home.  The girls were all so shaken up by the whole thing and my arm had bruises on it still the next day from the man's hands and marks from his fingernails.  By the time I was dropping off the last girls, we were able to laugh at the fact that Karis' birthday party had certainly been a memorable one!

bday cupcakes in the plant market parking lot

So how do we handle these piles of poop that seem to be inevitable in where we are?  Good question.... and I'm not sure I have the complete answer yet.  I will admit that the series of events that I've just written about were enough to rattle my sense of safety and security.  I had a period of several days that left me feeling like I wanted to withdraw, curl up in my nook and just read.  I didn't want to get out the door and engage with my community.  I found myself more jumpy when someone I didn't know looked at me funny on the street.  I felt so tired.  But thankfully, I feel like I've pulled through the feelings of insecurity and I'm back on track, ready to take on the world!  The best analogy I've got (besides dodging the piles of poop) is that of a boxing match.  It feels like so much of living overseas is just that--a boxing match where I have to have my gloves up at all times.  It's a fight to not feel overwhelmed and withdraw.  It's a fight to learn another new language and communicate in one that doesn't come naturally to me.  And I sometimes find myself against the ropes, feeling like I'm just getting pummeled.  In these times I'm so thankful for my husband who encourages me, a few dear friends here who hear me talk through my stressors and allow me to cry, times of solace to be still at his feet and realign my heart with his in praise and worship.  Struck down, but not destroyed...  Piles of poop that we try to walk around but just can't get out of the stairwell completely.  So I've had my water break on the bench in the corner and now the gloves are back up.  Ready to face a world that sure knows how to stretch a girl to her limits...

Karis opening bday gifts

Parties and Travel

one of the many manholes

my "monkeys" at the zoo

It’s spring, and we’re making the most of some beautiful weather and a somewhat more relaxed schedule to get out and about—and to have some parties!  We turned a trip to the import store into an exploration of a new place to play—the former zoo that is now a public park.  I don’t know why we hadn’t been told of this one before!  The kids were nuts over the places to explore and climb; the green grass and the open sidewalks took my breath away.  It helps that this time of year everything is in full bloom, so the foliage is a stark contrast to the white concrete that is the predominant eye sore around town.  Besides the numerous open manholes, the kids were in sheer heaven climbing around on what I think was the former monkey island!  No one even minded that the construction on the roads around the park turned the 20 minute drive into about an hour both ways, and I got my shopping done and some good, clean air and exercise into my active kiddos who have been certainly experiencing some spring fever.  I’m not sure if I’ve never noticed it so much before because I’m used to them being in school during most of the hours of the day, but man, have we had a lot of extra energy and wiggles that daily need to be burned off!

That's right--an Aggie jacket in our courtyard!  Whoop!

bball in our courtyard

I’m thankful for Eli’s tendency to have a goal in mind for himself and issue a challenge to his siblings to pique their interest in also pursuing the same goal.   He’s been doing that as of late with exercise; after I’d pointed out that one of his best friends is in charge of taking the trash down from their 6^th floor apartment daily to the outside trash can (no elevator in their building), he’s decided that doing more stairs is good for everyone.  So he decided that he, too, would take the stairs rather than the elevator each time he can.  He also asked me if I’d be willing to bribe/reward his siblings with two jelly beans (still a bit of left over Easter candy around here!) if they would run the stairwell with him.  So the kids have agreed to regularly go from our 8^th floor apartment, all the way up to the 14^th floor and all the way back down to the ground floor and then up again to the 8^th—and they do this either 4 or 5 times round trip!  You’d better believe they come in the front door huffing and puffing!  I usually stand near the door with it propped open to yell some words of encouragement and be ready with water bottles so they don’t have to slow down too much.  (Of course, it’s got to be somewhat of a competition; I do have 3 boys who have had their dad model a competitive nature!)  I figure that with the number of calories they must be burning, two jelly beans are a small compensation for me to make for their hard work! 

Hud's bday dinner out w kabobs...

...and mint brownies for dessert

My bday coffee date w Eli

We’ve also had a few birthdays and other memorable occasions to celebrate.  Hudson turned 9 years old on May 2.  We had a family dinner, along with some of our best buddies out here who were hanging out with us for several days while their mom was in the hospital.  His friends’ presence made the family celebration (and the birthday brownies) that much sweeter!  His other request was to celebrate by going out to the mountains and doing a fellowship time with a group of friends there.  It was such a sweet outing!  We loaded up a huge van that we rented and 3 other cars and had a group of 30 of us make the one hour trip to one of our favorite places in China.  We spent the day visiting, singing, and charging up the sides of the mountains.  It was such a sweet celebration!  And then my birthday was a few days later on the 5^th, and we had a family dinner out at a favorite Central Asian restaurant with a few friends able to join in the fun.  I also got to enjoy another fun treat—coffee with Eli!  He’s become quite the coffee lover (when we allow him to indulge on rare occasions), and one of the coffee shops nearby has started carrying decaf coffee (at my request!).  So I’ve got a favorite coffee shop now which I’m frequenting more regularly!  (In the past, none of the coffee shops had deca,f which makes it really disappointing to meet someone for coffee in the evening when I know that drinking some would affect my sleep.)  The one other big celebration was for Kevin.  He’s been working so hard at his language learning that we just HAD to have a party for him—complete with one of his favorite desserts that isn’t made often (there are too many ingredients that I can only get when they are sent in a US package).  He’s been memorizing in the new language he’s studying, and the amount that he’s memorized has me standing back in awe.  The man has a mind that is truly gifted for this sort of thing, and I’m so thankful for his diligent perseverance; he’s set records, I’m sure!  And the time and effort he’s putting into it are being used in a mighty way.  Much to celebrate there!

too much walking for Noah

in ChengDu

We took a trip to another city in China, ChengDu, for me to attend a homeschooling conference there.  It was so helpful!  Although I’ve been homeschooling the kids now for two years, I’ve never attended this sort of conference.  As Karis is getting into middle school (she’ll be in 7^th grade starting this fall), there are things that I just don’t want to miss and have her fall behind in required courses, etc.  So I thought it was a good time to talk with other experts on the matter and also find some encouragement along the way (as I can honestly confess, is needed on many days!).  Kevin hung out with the kids for the 3 days that I was in meetings, and they had an absolute blast!  The first day we arrived we took them to a sporting good store that has really great quality stuff for reasonable prices.  The kids each got to pick out either roller blades or scooters (the older got the blades, the younger got the scooters).  The place we stayed ended up being such a surprise blessing; I found it online and we almost didn’t book it because it was inexpensive and was only 3 stars.  We thought it might be a total dump, but it looked like there was  a pool and I knew that would be a total treat for the kids.  It ended up NOT really having a pool, but it was in this fantastic area perfect for rolling around; it was basically an apartment in an area with a huge courtyard with gorgeous blooming flowers that looked like a European plaza of some sort.  And there was a Starbucks and 7-Eleven right around the corner (the 7-Eleven had donuts and Dr. Pepper!!!).  The city of ChengDu is WAYYYY different from where we live, so we took advantage of all the perks—wide sidewalks (so we’d walk everywhere to dinner if it was within an hour’s range or so), Tex Mex, movies in English, Papa John’s, and an Ikea (where I could stock up on a few basic home things, even fitted sheets, that we just can’t find elsewhere).  We left after 4 days feeling refreshed from the break in our routine and excited about the new things we had to bring home.

buying chicken 

picking a cut of meat

It’s amazing how every time I pull away from our “usual” routine and environment I find myself doing some major processing about our life.  We’re almost 7 years into China being our “new normal,” and yet I still find myself shaking my head in wonder so much of the time.  I’ve been trying to capture some of it on film (or digitally, I guess I should say).  This one photo shows where I buy my chicken.  I think I’ve mentioned before that I get it at our local butcher (which is such a blessing; he didn’t used to always have it but has started carrying it I think largely because I purchase so much from him each week that he knows that the frozen chicken will be sold out of his coolers!).  The only bummer is that most of the time when I go in there (or, rather, stand outside hoping I don’t need to actually walk onto the blood-dripped floor), there is a sheep bleeding out on the floor.  It’s so hard to hear, see, and smell that sight!  And this is from a city girl who grew up spending weekends on the family farm and even seeing the cattle going to the butcher house….but man, it does add an element of stress to my shopping experience!  I am also still amazed at the cuts of meat that are the select cuts in the cultures around me.  I tried to capture one as the woman getting the “yang” (which can best be translated as mutton) in front of me was instructing the butcher what to cut off.  Literally all the meat in the bag that she was purchasing was white—either bone, tendon, or fat!  There was maybe 10% pink anywhere.  How different from our higher priced, lean cuts of meat that are so preferable in the US!

Hud's 2 friends--"dinner" and "dinner"

our wheels in ChengDu

And I’m seeing the differences in my kids, too.  When we were in ChengDu at the sporting goods store, we were playing outside for about an hour, killing time before we needed to head to the Papa John's nearby to pick up pizza for dinner.  While we were there, my kids made friends with some other "English" people (Americans) who happened to be doing some shopping, too.  Karis must have talked with these two American women for a total of 10 minutes, but she evidently bonded deeply.  On the way back to the hotel, she continually referred to "Aunt Sarah" and "Aunt Laura."  I finally questioned her on this one, saying something along the lines of, "You sure only knew them for a short time to be calling them Aunt so and so...."  Her response?  "Don't worry, Mom.  It's a TCK thing." (TCK standing for third culture kid, or a kid raised in a culture that is both different from their parent's and their host culture, making their experience living abroad a "third" culture.)  There's a book written years ago by the third culture kid gurus.  I've pulled it out and am re-visiting the content.  A mom can never be too over-prepared!

Karis w best buddy in the mtns.

As I write I’m actually on my way back from an amazing weekend—of more travel!  For my birthday, Kevin sent me off on a plane to meet one of my best friends from Tianjin (where we used to live) in a city in between (Xi’an).  It was such a dear time of refreshment!  Natalie is a friend with whom I connect on a deep, heart level, so time with her always benefits me in so many ways; and we laugh a lot!  So I again got more Tex Mex and won’t admit to how many times we just hung out at Starbucks, sipping our lattes and talking about those big and little things that busy moms just don’t often get around to talking about.  The time with her was a gift that will no doubt be the emotional and social fuel that will keep me going for some time! 

figure out the meaning of this one...

And now the summer schedule for the Joseph Family School has officially begun!  Assuming the kids got their final work for the week done on Friday morning (after I left town on Thursday afternoon), we have wrapped up most of what we needed to accomplish for this year of study.  Partly because we have so little to do around where we live, the kids have agreed that doing some school throughout the summer is okay with them.  So we have this week pretty much off (except for Chinese class that they all still have 4 days a week in the afternoon), and I’ll be putting together final lesson plans for the summer.  Then next week we’ll move to a two day a week schedule, doing Chinese, starting our new language, and working on math, writing, and a bit of reading.  I’m hoping that having some structure will help us all keep our sanity and not get too bored!  We’re still waiting to find out what the summer baseball schedule will look like.  One of the frustrations in working here is the last-minute planning which is so common in this culture.  Kevin hasn’t been able to get confirmation from any of the possible field locations that they can use their facilities for the summer; so we’re on hold, probably until June when the Chinese schools get out (at the end of June).  We’re hoping for a good balance of baseball that’s not quite as intense as last year’s 5 or 6 days a week schedule.  Kevin and the kids were all worn out by the end!  Sure hoping that this summer is cooler and a bit lighter on the baseball end of things….