I've been running behind! I've actually got a list that I've been adding to of things that I thought would be fun to include in my next blog update; but the list has gotten so long I'm thinking that I need subheadings.....So here goes!
Hud's Birthday
Hudson celebrated his 6th birthday last week. It was complete with cupcakes for his classmates at school (chocolate cake with chocolate icing at his request) and gifts from the family that he opened after school. Unfortunately, whether it's his age or just a bad habit, his tendency to be dissatisfied with his gifts came out again this year when it was time to open the gifts! After tearing through the wrapping of his 6 or so gifts, his response was, "Is that ALL?! There aren't any more toys?!" We're obviously still very much in the process of being thankful for what he does get and figuring out how to control what comes out of our mouths even if we are disappointed (but thankful that this go-round was just with our family, so no major offense to anyone else!).
Now several of Hud's friends did end up giving him some gifts. The toys, he loved playing with (until the ones from China broke within 24 hours of getting out of the package!). My favorite one was from a Chinese friend: a baby spoon! The looks on all our faces when Hud opened the gift was pretty priceless (luckily the gift-giver was NOT present for this one)--the stunned silence as we all cocked our heads to the side and kind of let out a "hmmm" in unison.
Two of my favorite parts of his day involved the dinner meal. When I asked him what he wanted to eat for his birthday dinner, his reply was, "Macaroni and cheese. And NO broccoli and NO potatoes. Well, maybe the broccoli is okay. But NO rice!" I thought this was well-spoken for a six-year old who eats more than his fair share of rice (like 3 times per week). My other favorite part was where he wanted to sit: his request was to sit in his Dad's lap during the meal! He remains our snuggle bug whose love language is surely physical touch. Watching Kevin scoop up his macaroni and cheese and get it into his mouth with Hud between his plate and its final destination was enjoyable for me! :)
Chicken Shortage
Speaking of food, we've really felt the effects of the bird flu. I actually went to a presentation at the school this week to get more information about the virus, and I must admit, it was pretty scary! The virus has been found in birds as close as Beijing, and some of the birds have even come from Tianjin. The good news is, although it's an extremely serious virus with a high mortality rate, there are still relatively few cases that have been found in China (like 130 throughout the whole country). The bad news is, besides the fear of actually catching the disease, of course, is that finding chicken has gotten really difficult! All the local meat markets are not stocking it, as so many people are scared to purchase it now. I've had to get creative, finding it frozen at some of the larger super markets and even finding one vendor who will deliver fresh chicken (convenient, as long as I plan ahead with enough time to get an order placed and delivered before the planned meal!). Think we might be getting creative with "the other white meat"....
Kevin's Wedding Officiating
Kevin was asked to officiate his second wedding in Chinese last weekend. The circumstances and location were something else--he performed the ceremony for a blind couple out in the middle of the Chinese countryside. He was really excited to be a part of the celebration, but it was, as we expected, truly a "Chinese experience"! He ended up leaving late on Friday night to drive a group of 7 or 8 others to a village that was about 3 hours away. They arrived in the village around 1am and Kevin got the "opportunity" to continue a late night of conversation with the rest of those he'd traveled with (mainly young, single guys) until the wee hours of the morning.
The next morning he helped with the wedding. He said a few of the more anxious moments for him were when the couple linked arms and drank from their glass of wine; he just knew that disaster was looming, but they escaped with no red wine spots on any of their wedding apparel! He had his eyes opened to how so many people live here in China; the house he stayed in had no running water and no electricity. The bed was as hard as a rock (but he did have a bed!). His other favorite part was the 40-year old wedding coordinator wearing the shortest dress he's ever seen. Unfortunately, short skirts are not really considered risque here in China (low cut shirts, however, are). With the change in weather, the warmer temperatures have also brought out the spring mini-skirts....almost enough to make us wish for the winter cold once again! Yikes!
Parenting Study
My group of ladies meeting regularly to do a moms' study has now become a parenting study, as the number of dad's present has increased! We never know who will show up at the door, but small kids and dads have become much more of the normal than the exception. I'm thankful that my husband and the kids (Karis especially) are so flexible and are ready to help host whoever walks in. The highlight from this past week's study was a pineapple. It is normal for guests to come to your home with a gift, and lots of times this is fruit. This week a family came with a huge pineapple, with the price tag still on (which is also pretty normal in this culture; so people know how much you spent on their gift!). This pineapple was 80 RMB (which is almost $13), whereas most of them at the market are about $1.50!!! I haven't quite figured out what makes this pineapple so special, but am anxious to try it.
My other funny moment came when I got the giggles at one point. One of the things we do often is read a portion of something all in unison. The only problem: I really can't read Chinese! The number of Chinese characters I know is so minimal, that I'm lost when we're trying to read a text that is completely in HanZi. So it kind of ends up feeling like a test, or a skit from "Saturday Night Live," where everyone else is going through the passage as fast as they can and I'm half trying to pick out one or two characters in every sentence that I know and half trying not to crack up! (This, BTW, is also very normal culturally, based on the Chinese educational system. From a really young age on, the students are taught to recite things in unison and memorize large amounts of information.)
Car Accident
We had our first run-in, literally, with our car this past week. Kevin was in a crazy situation (which is the norm around here, unfortunately!), and long story short, ended up bumping into a lady's car and bending her fender. Everyone was fine, our car was not damaged, but it was a tricky situation for several reasons. We've been told by many sources that if we are to get into a car accident, the best thing to do is hand off some cash and get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Supposedly, the chances of a foreigner ever being given the benefit of the doubt are slim to none. Furthermore, the underlying thinking of the Asian culture is geared toward equality in all things; which means if you have more, you are somewhat obligated to give more to those who have less. So the assumption that we are wealthy, because we are foreigners, works against us, in that anyone making a decision about who is responsible to pay for damage done in a car accident will automatically look to us to foot the bill, regardless of who is at fault. Kind of makes you think through the whole issue of justice and how culturally it can be swayed, huh?! So this being known, Kevin was hoping to give the lady some money and drive away, but he also had a car full of Chinese friends with him, and he didn't want to be seen as the rich foreigner who just throws money around to get out of a situation (all his friends were insistent that he was not at fault, so he shouldn't be held responsible for the damage to her car). Kevin was able to get out of the situation (showing great guile, I must say!), by explaining to our friends that our insurance is not very good (which we're pretty sure is true) and therefore would not cover the damage to the car, so therefore he needed to go ahead and pay out of pocket for the damage done (he ended up bargaining her down, so he paid her about the equivalent of $100). As far as we knew, he was able to get off without having to give her any more personal information, so we're hoping that it's done and settled!
Even after the accident, I told Kevin that I still had no regret, but only thankfulness, that we have the wheels we do, especially after my taxi experience this weekend. While Kevin was out of town with the car, I took the kids in a taxi with me to school for Eli to go to soccer practice. Instead of it taking us the usual 25 minutes, it took us a full hour. I'm convinced that we had the VERY WORST driver in all of Tianjin driving our taxi. He took so many wrong turns, in spite of me sitting in the front seat to give him directions, and sat through so many green lights waiting in the left-hand lane when he could have moved over and just gone through the light, that I literally held up my hands and let out a small scream of frustration at one point! I thought about asking if he could pull over and just let me drive, but was pretty sure that wouldn't fly....
Weekend Visitors
Two weekends ago we actually had friends from the US come to visit. We had a great time taking them to the international school, attending the school play, and having a picnic lunch at our new favorite spot at the lake.
On our way to Beijing to pick them up from the airport, we made our first trip to the US Embassy because a few of us needed to have pages added to our passport (which I find really funny, in and of itself! Guess we really have become world travelers!) I brought my camera, but didn't end up taking a picture, as I was afraid they might think I was up to trouble. The building was pretty much what I expected, and the nicest part was that although there was an incredibly long line of people waiting outside to get in, we were able to walk right past and go through the gates. I'm thinking this was one of the fewer times we've experienced that being a foreigner actually works to our advantage! Kevin and I couldn't stop chuckling at a remark made by Eli as we were making our way to the Embassy. We had to park quite a distance away and then walk through a dirt parking lot, filled with cars, broken glass, and a very small number of scraggly trees. As we walked, Eli made the comment, "This reminds me of Colorado!" Kevin and I were both stunned. Have we been away from natural beauty that long? Have we warped our child's perspective by where we live? Or has maybe his mind been renewed to some extent that I can't even imagine, that he could find beauty in the midst of a pollution-filled, glass-littered parking lot....Left Kevin and me much to ponder over the next few days.
Combined BDay Party
Since Hudson and I have birthdays that are only 3 days apart, we decided to do a joint party this year. So this past weekend we had a group of our close friends come join us at the lake for a family dinner of pizza and time to play outside and enjoy the beautiful weather we're having. The kids had a blast, playing soccer, riding bikes and scooters, finding fish in the lake (some of which made it home with us, only to make our fish tank smell more like the lake water than their mom would have preferred!), and playing frisbee. We had a pretty large group to start off with, since Hud and I both got to work on putting together the guest list (there were to be about 48 in all), but I was a little bit thrown off when Kevin told me the day before the party that he had invited one of our good Chinese friends who we describe as "all Chinese"--meaning they have not had as much western influence from having other western friends, which makes the cultural differences sometimes seem more pronounced. This friend was so excited about the party that he proceeded to invite a group of his closest friends--adding an extra 8 guests to our list! I wasn't totally surprised. This really is pretty typical of Chinese culture, in that if you are in someone's "inner circle" of friends, if you are invited to do something with them then it's usually accepted that your inner circle is also
their inner circle. (Or at least, they're willing to go along with them in the way of hospitality, service, etc., as if they too were your closest friends or family members. This is a big part of the reason why Chinese friends are really selective in who they let into their inner circle; the obligations that come with such a relationship can become pretty draining of your time and resources.) But thankfully, for me this just meant calling the pizza place (which is normally closed on Sundays, but were thrilled to have our huge order on a Sunday afternoon so much so that they even delivered the pizzas half-way across town to the lake where we were picnicing!) and adding a few more pizzas to our order. And the party was GREAT. We had a blast celebrating with our group of friends from all different walks of life, switching back and forth between a little Chinese, a little English, and a lot of pizza and cupcakes.
Hud and I were both very satisfied with our party and rejoicing with thanksgiving at the friends we have been blessed with here.
We’re in countdown—7 days down and 2 to go until Kevin comes
home! He’s spent the last week on a trip
with the high school sophomores from the international school in one of the
most beautiful parts of China (Guilin).
He sent the two pics that I’m including…So wishing I was there with him
to take in the natural beauty! All of
the upper-school students go on week-long trips to different parts of
China. Talk about great bonding time
with the kids and having neat opportunities to go deeper with them. Though our talk-time has been brief, so far
all the reports of his time have been really great.
So the kids and I spent the first free Saturday we had
riding bikes (and scooters!) to the pond that is not too far from our
home. We’ve reached a new phase that I
love where we can all be mobile together (even though dodging the cars in the
parking lot makes me pretty jumpy).
After our 10 minute ride, we arrived to find the tadpoles we’d
discovered the weekend before transformed!
There were now thousands of tiny frogs (some still with small tails)
trapped in one part of the pond (a portion that was enclosed in concrete with
walls too tall for them to be able to hop out of). It was a testimony of how few birds there are
in our city that any of these small frogs were alive; they were sitting ducks
just asking to be a meal for a hungry predator passing by! But the Joseph kids were on the job, and by
the time we left the pond a few hours later, several hundred of the small frogs
had been “rescued” by being transported via various methods into the larger
body of water where they could move about more freely. After we finished the rescue mission (or
maybe I should say, got bored with the activity), we discovered a “clean” plot
of ground (not covered in dog poop or much trash) that was really quite
beautiful. The tall grass made the
perfect grass whistles for the kids, and we spent another hour making swords
out of the sticks we found and trying to create different pitches with
different lengths of grass. A friend who
just had lasik surgery sent 2 of her boys with us, so we had quite a party
(that of course drew quite a crowd as the curious on-lookers wanted to see what
kind of play the foreign kids partake in!).
I was thankful to be able to help out my friend just a bit
by bringing a meal to them and trying to get her kids out to play (she has 5 of
them, and her husband also is out of town on a school trip!). I had a situation on Friday morning that was
a good picture of life and relationships here in China (generally
speaking). I had a girl I know who was
willing to pick up the kids’ new passports at the US Embassy in Beijing for
us. We need to get them picked up right
away in order to get our resident permits renewed this month, but you either have
to go to Beijing in person to get them or have some documents giving someone
else permission to get them for you. So
I was so excited that a friend was already going so that we might not have to
do a 3 hour trip there, then turn around for the 3 hour trip back home. The only problem was, I had a very small
window of time in which to get her the documents she needed! So I finished teaching my pre-algebra class
and raced out of the school to get across town to reach her before she had to
hop on the subway to get to the train station.
After driving for an hour, I still hadn’t reached my friend when she
called to say she couldn’t wait any longer.
I made a u-turn and pulled over to shed some tears of frustration at
big-city traffic and how narrow the margins of life seem to be here. I wanted to be frustrated with my
friend. Why couldn’t she have waited 10
more minutes for me to get there? Why
did she have to change the original time we were supposed to meet? Why….? But the reality is, she hadn’t done a thing
wrong! She was incredibly gracious to be
willing to pick up our stuff at all. But
most people here are working within such constraints, whether they be time or
the resources they have (emotional, etc.), that we just don’t have a whole lot
of extra to offer around! So my sweet
friend with 5 kids who had a husband going out of town and surgery on her eyes
literally had no help. No meals coming. No one to help with the kids. And it’s not because there’s something wrong
with her or she doesn’t have any friends.
It’s just really difficult to have what someone in that situation
needs—whether it be the energy to help out with 5 active kids or the time to
prepare and bring over a meal! I sure
don’t want to make it sound like the community in which we live is cold or
forces isolation; but man, it really does require a lot to serve others. And it takes a lot of intentionality,
too. And then who do you decide who to
serve and when? The needs are seemingly
endless, whether you’re looking at the ex-pat community or our Chinese friends,
not to mention the social issues that so many of us would LOVE to tackle! Sigh…
Definitely a fact of life here that forces dependence on Him more than I
would otherwise experience; whether it be dependence to have my own needs met
or dependence on His strength to extend the grace given to me to be able to
better serve others. Giving thanks for
that deepened dependence today! Even if
it means some places of discomfort in areas I would rather not endure…
So I’ve run into 2 social issues this past week that I’m
totally stumped about how to handle culturally.
Karis was invited to spend the night with a group of girls, the parents
of whom I don’t know at all. Kevin and I
both agreed that it was out of the question, and we explained our reasoning to
Karis to pass on to her friend with a (hopefully) polite decline of the
invitation. So I was totally caught off
guard when one of the girls’ mothers (who I do know, but still don’t know well)
called me to ask a very pointed “why”!
She and the other moms had it all figured out—transportation, if the
girls couldn’t sleep in the same room, etc.
So every reason I gave had a good solution! I didn’t want to come right out and say,
“Sorry, but I don’t know you from Adam, and there’s no way I’m sending my 8
year old daughter to spend the night in your home where who-knows-what might be
going on….” Even though that is what was
going through my head! So my out? I put it off on Kevin! I think it was culturally appropriate to do,
as most of the Korean homes have the husband as the very dominant authority
figure (and these girls involved in the potential slumber party were all Korean
families). Kevin gave me permission to
say that I needed to talk with my husband about it again and that I’d get back
to them if I got his permission, so I’m hoping I haven’t totally burned the
bridges with these families. The second
incident this week was with a group of Eli’s friends from school—also Korean
families. He was invited over to a
playdate on Friday night to a family’s home who I again did not know. Once again, I said no, only to have the mom
call back and ask about Saturday. And
then when I again responded with a negative, she continued to text and ask
about each day the following weekend! Enough
already! I think I finally got through
that I wasn’t ready to commit to anything, but I’m at a total loss as to how to
encourage these cross-cultural friendships of my kids (which we really are so
excited to see them developing!), yet not having much of a relationship with
the other families and knowing that we have LOTS of differences in values,
family dynamics, etc. Thinking that the
best route is just to open OUR home to these kids, these playdates; but gotta
be honest. Having a house-full of extra
kids on our already packed weekends is not my most favorite thing. Guess something’s gotta give! Ha—that probably means me! J
