More flexing...

Our flexibility practice continues! Last Sunday evening I answered a knock at our door to find a threesome of smiling Chinese folks on our doorstep. One of the men explained that he was a neighbor of ours and (somehow!) knew our landlord was selling our apartment. He had brought over his two friends who were interested in looking at it. The only problem, this was at 6:00 and I had just gotten dinner on the table and had six hungry kids (my 4 plus a friend and her 2 little ones) waiting on me to begin the dinner time circus! Furthermore, Kevin wasn't at home, so I really was trying to juggle about as much as I could handle at the moment! I explained to the smiling folks that I was so sorry, but I had just gotten dinner on the table, everyone was waiting on me to eat, and they would need to call the leasing agent to set up a time to call in advance to come and view the place (which is our normal SOP at this point). That's when it got interesting! The still-smiling neighbor pushed, and pushed, and pushed some more with his pleas to come in! The husband actually nudged his wife with his elbow, at which point she unzipped her coat to reveal a pregnant belly, hoping to earn some sympathy points. Obviously not realizing that I was an American, and this tactic was getting them nowhere, they tried the direct approach of explaining to me that the wife was pregnant and it wasn't convenient for her to have to get out again to come back over at a later date. Trying to suppress my laugh, I was able to get out that I actually had FOUR children on the ground, and NOW wasn't convenient for ME! This stumped them only long enough for me to say a quick word of departing pleasantries, encourage them to call the real estate office, and squeeze the door closed. I turned and questioned my friend if I was rude, but she agreed that in order to not have our home be the latest Yang Guang (the name of our apartment complex) side show with visitors coming by at all hours unannounced to see the place all the little foreigners, it was a necessary risk to draw a firm boundary! Still kind of hoping I don't run into that same neighbor any time soon...

This past Saturday we hired our favorite driver to take our family and two friends in town from the US who are hoping to move to China soon into Beijing for the day. We first hit our favorite Mexican food restaurant, then a quick stop at the import store, Starbucks for a special treat, and then finally landed at the Beijing zoo. Besides our two US friends needing to get to Beijing, we also wanted to connect with a young friend of Kevins who lives in a city in western China (which happens to be the furthest place inland in the entire world!) who was in town for a brief visit. This young man has an incredible story; he is part of a minority people group that feels very oppressed by the majority of the Chinese people. Because of this, he started a baseball league for minority youth who live in his city with the purpose being to teach the, to play baseball and to give them hope in the middle of a very oppressive life situation. In spite of this impressive endeavor, To be honest, I really wanted to meet this friend largely because I've had such a negative opinion of him, due to what seemed like some major character flaws that have come out over the almost three years that Kevin has known him. (Kevin has made a few trips to his city to bring him baseball equipment from the US and help train some of the coaches working in his league.). But I am pleased to say that my fears were assuaged upon our zoo meeting (which was my first meeting of this friend!). He was truly a joy to be around, and we had a great time visiting while we walked from one animal exhibition the next, with Kevin's friend especially bonding with Noah. The picture of all the huge cameras pointing in my direction was taken when we stopped to look at the ducks for long enough for the paparazzi to catch us! I've mentioned before that it is normal for the kids to get their pictures taken when we go out, but this one honestly surprised me because we were in Beijing, where the number of foreigners is MUCH greater and not nearly as novel. The kids posed and smiled, even giving a few "qiezi's" (which literally means eggplant but is the Chinese equivalent of saying “cheese”) to the delight of the many photographers!

I was so blessed to hear Kevin’s friend’s assessment of our family after spending so many hours with us. He mentioned several times how happy our kids were. Talk about making a mother’s heart glad! I often wonder with this overseas life we’ve chosen if our kids are really doing as well as I think they are, or if there is some part of me that is so hopeful that they are okay that I am just kind of building some sort of false reality that is my “happy place”. So it is always so encouraging to hear others come around and say in wonder, “Wow! Your kids just enjoy life and have fun wherever they are!” Making me think that what I am witnessing daily truly is reality, and that by His grace, we are doing as well as I hope! And even though I recognize that I have a major bias, I must say that even after spending 5 hours crammed in the back end of a van with all 4 kids (and at least one on my lap during that whole time), my kids really are a blast to be around. The hilarious comments never cease, and I’m so thankful for their love for one another!

And I did have lots of good pr time in the van as we experienced some road construction. Because one side of the interstate-equivalent between here and Beijing was closed down, they had both directions of traffic on the same side of the road. However, there were no lane divisions (other than the broken white lines on the normal freeway), so the flow of traffic kind of took on a life of its own! I looked up at one point to see that while we were flying at expressway-speeds, the order of things was definitely lacking! The two outermost lanes (one on each side of the road) were going one direction, while the two innermost lanes were going the other! And this was not necessarily set in stone, as cars were regularly swerving into the other lanes of opposing traffic in order to pass (or maybe just for the thrill of it?). I’m pretty sure that any “Pr Warrior” status I could have was bumped up a notch after that afternoon’s drive!

On Friday Eli had a school performance. The kids school (which is Tianjin International School) has just moved locations, and is in a beautiful and large facility, which is unfortunately located quite a distance away from our home! We’ve had a tough time over the last month and a half figuring out how to handle transportation, and have spent a good chunk of change on taxi fares. This week, Noah and I left the house an hour before Eli’s performance, leaving time for our walk to the taxi and any rush hour traffic we might encounter. What I didn’t leave enough time for was the difficulty in finding a taxi driver willing to drive us, then the taxi driver we DID finally land (after insisting that she did know the way especially after I showed her the map and address I was carrying of the school’s new location) not really knowing where she was going, and finally ending up at the entirely wrong International School. To make a long story short, Noah and I spent an hour in the taxi before making it to Eli’s auditorium in time to see his class filing out after the assembly. I will never forget the look on his face. At first it was just disappointment, but then (probably after he saw the tears coming down my cheeks—which had started long before while riding in the taxi and realizing that there was NO way we were going to make it to the school on time) he broke down in tears, clinging to me and asking to just go home. We stood outside the door hugging each other, both crying to much to speak as all the students, other parents, and even a principal that I don’t know too well who was waiting to meet with me after the assembly walked past. It was NOT one of my finer China moments! I kneeled there feeling totally whipped—wishing more than anything for the ease of my “former life”, where I thought a 15 minute drive to the kids’ preschool in my own mini-van, listening to my own music, driving on paved roads where people actually followed traffic laws was an inconvenience. We did finally both recover, and Eli’s teacher allowed Noah and I to go to his class time in the library with him, which went a long way in helping him bounce back and be ready for the rest of the day. I also had a sweet conversation with his principal, explaining the reason for my emotional scene of frustration at arriving so late after knowing how he was looking forward to my attending his performance, in which she gently reminded me that He holds all things together; even the traffic and my getting lost on the way is something that He can use in my life or in little Eli’s. I was thankful for Kevin’s insight; later that day he had a conversation with Eli during which he was able to further explain the circumstances of Noah and my late arrival. His response—he didn’t like that taxi driver very much! Good opportunity to talk about loving others even when their actions hurt you in some way.

The last few days this week have been somewhat reflective for both Kevin and myself. We’ve had friends in town from the US who do work with other Asia graduate and post-graduate students in the Boston area. This couple has been long-time friends of my parents, and their daughter was even my first pen pal while in elementary school, as she lived in Hong Kong while her dad did business there. After coming to our house to do a parenting study for a group of my Chinese friends (this woman has raised 3 kids and has written and published a book on the subject here in China), we had a long discussion. During our talk, although her attempt I think was to encourage and maybe exhort me some, the questions were raised as to if all we were doing (specifically learning the language—as this couple both can’t speak Chinese but use English and then translators, the food preparation I’d done to hostess, even living here in China) was truly necessary. Great questions! After all, this couple has a thriving outreach in the US; however they aren’t busting their tail trying to learn one of the more difficult languages in the world, they aren’t breathing in an incredible amount of pollution every day they step outside, they aren’t working for hours to fit the cultural expectation of cooking a ton to host people in your home. So is what we’re doing really necessary? I wrestled with this question for about 24 hours, and during my favorite times of listening during the day (for me, that’s my time jogging on my treadmill in the morning and riding my bike to class in the afternoons), the answer rang clear. For me, yes. It is necessary. And not for any other reason than that it is the invitation He has given me—that He has given my family. Yes, there are a ton of aspects of life here that I would want, no, make that that I would LOVE, to change, but the reality is that He has given me an invitation to do exactly what we are doing. And my job is to regularly go before His throne and ask if I am walking in step with Him. If my plans are according to His and not my own. If I am constantly in a state of listening and being willing to obey. And yes, that makes what I am doing, in spite of all the inconvenience and hassle it brings, necessary in my life.

When we left the US to move to China I came with the promise of Isaiah 43 firmly planted in my heart—that no matter what the circumstances of life might bring, He would walk with me, He would sustain me, He would make a way when it seemed that there was not one. Specifically the verse that says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overcome you.” I have often clung to this passage over the last 2 ½ years. But as I once again reflected on this passage this week, I felt the challenge to “step it up a notch” in my thinking. To not just look at where we are as a feeble attempt to hang on with all we’ve got, trusting that the water won’t overcome us. But rather to look at the rough water that lies before me as my chance to step out of the boat in complete abandon and total trust of the one who made the seas. To not just make it through, but to fix my eyes on Him and therefore actually rise above what my limited mind thinks is normal and rational expectations for life—specifically for the lives of me and my family while living in China—to walk on the water. I’ve got to be honest, those steps of faith are not coming easily or naturally. I’m being pushed beyond what is comfortable. I’m watching those I love be pushed to take those same steps. And the natural response, I find, is to want to retreat to the peaceful tranquility of what is normal, what is familiar, what is routine. And even there, He is waiting. But what excitement, what adventure lies beyond the edge of the boat as I’m willing to lift one foot at a time and take those next steps with my eyes fixed on Him….

Blessed are the flexible...

...for they shall bend and not break! This is a quote a friend shared with me concerning surviving life in China and the certain instability it brings. Quite timely considering how we have been able to practice our flexibility this past week....

We received a phone call from our landlord on Saturday a week and a half ago, telling us they had decided to sell our apartment in which we are living. We still have a year and a half left on our lease, but by Chinese law the owner is really under no obligation to us. So our landlord is saying that she is only going to sell to someone who will keep our current lease agreement, but we know enough to know that the chances of that happening are slim to none! Because our landlord is a keen business woman, she was crafty enough to wait until the week after she'd received our next 6-months lease payment; which leaves us in this pickle. We have a clause in our lease that says we can't break our lease agreement without having to pay a penalty fee; the landlord however can sell the apartment at will. So we are stuck not being able to look for another apartment to rent without having to pay a steep penalty while she has 6 months of the apartment being paid for by renters in which she can have people coming whenever to look at buying the apartment. Now the good news is, we are assuming that we should have no problem getting our rent money back for the months we don't live here, assuming the apartment does sell before our August 15th date; but we haven't even clarified that yet at this point! We're just going off of precedence from what others have experienced... We've also found out that even if they sell our apartment today, they should give us one month legally before they can force us to leave. So we're thankful that our apartment is not too big and has very little storage space, leaving us living off of necessities rather than the "stuff" that can so easily accumulate!!

Our other area of flexibility practice came after Kevin's recent discussions with our potential business partner who lives in Beijing. After this past week's meeting, it seems like the business that we thought our friend would have started by now still has quite a way to go--which means we are still quite a ways away from that being a possible visa option for us! Considering that our student visa status is up in April, we're obviously counting the days and really putting to pr what our next step is. Kevin is more than done with being a student--he's really flown through all the material they have to offer and is honestly just ready to be done in the classroom after almost 3 years. I, on the other hand, feel like I've really hit my groove this year as far as hitting some major mile markers in language, and would LOVE the chance to devote more time to my studies. So our best option at this point is for me to go to school as a full-time student starting this fall (which would be 4 mornings a week), being as all 4 kids can be in school at that point (Noah going each morning for half-days either at the international school or possibly even the Chinese local school--still debating and pr-ing over that one!); this would provide me a student visa and Kevin and "accompanying spouse" visa--enough for our family to stay and have another year to figure out what long-term visa options might be available.

With all this instability and how quickly even the biggest things in life change here with such a feeling of being so out-of-control, I'm really thankful for the "experiment" I've been running for the last 3 weeks! As I mentioned in my last post, I've just come off this week of a "hostessing sabbatical", and I am so refreshed and renewed from the time! I am thrilled to announce that my hopes were surpassed; I was truly able to feel the difference of stillness and peace in my heart as the weeks progressed and I was able to be still longer and "go deeper" in my time with the Maker. It is a difficult thing to describe. I don't think anyone on the outside will see any major life change as a result of the past 3 weeks. But I also know that a change was wrought in my heart. A yearning for intimacy with Him re-awakened. A desire to know fully and be more fully known. A sense of joy over just being His child rather than necessarily seeing of being a part of His work. I am wondering if this "experiment" was providential in His timing, knowing the hurdles we're having to face now with the instability of knowing we might have to pack up and move at any given moment and knowing that we, after one and a half years of thinking we had a great business plan in motion, now seem to be back to square one in how to stay in this place we now consider home. I can truly say in the midst of this chaos that peace reigns--in our hearts and in our homes in an incredible way! And now we're back in the saddle again; we picked right up with our schedule of hostessing and spending time with friends. One slight difference--we're trying to pr through each opportunity and use our time as wisely as possible, and we're going into this next semester feeling more re-charged than usual!

Kevin walked in the door from class last week to find Karis sitting with our household helper (ayi) with her Book open on the floor in front of them. Now, keep in mind, besides "no", ayi doesn't speak a word of English. And Karis speaks about as much Chinese! Nonetheless, Karis was attempting to share, and ayi was graciously trying to understand. Upon Kevin's arrival, Karis had Kevin come and sit with them and spend the next 20 minutes translating the Story, from the beginning to the end, making sure to include all her favorite parts. Ayi kindly listened, and then they all walked away, with Kevin thinking ayi had just humored Karis because of her great love for her. But about an hour later, ayi approached Kevin, asking him pointed questions that we've never heard her ask in the 2 years she's worked for us! Kevin and Karis were both elated, and the story continues, but probably the rest of the exciting details will need to wait to share in person, as we're hoping that this journey of discovery for her is only at the beginning! Oh, and the other funny providential piece is why Karis was at home. All the kids had gotten a fever virus that circulated through our house. On Sunday afternoon, Karis and Eli both still had fevers, so I begrudgingly agreed that they should stay home from school the following day, going against everything within me that said "surely they are healthy enough to go to school and don't need to stay home!". I listened to that still small voice instead, however, and allowed the two kids to stay home from school with ayi while I was out, thus providing the opportunity for this precious interaction to take place! We decided even sick days every now and then can be used for His glory and are well worth any discomfort they may bring!

I concluded my 3-weeks off this past weekend by attending a conference in Beijing. Unfortunately I can't give a lot of details, but suffice it to say that the most encouraging aspect of the time for me besides the time just being away from my normal routine with a bunch of women who were all on the same page with big life things, was that I was drawn to be so thankful for so many aspects of the life that I've been called to here in Tianjin. So many of the women I met were from places where life is just hard! Some lived in places without any running water, and they had to haul their own water daily to use for showering and washing dishes. Others lived 5 hours from any other English-speaking foreigners, making their regular fellowship practically non-existant. Others had husbands who were on the road most of the month, leaving them home with kids and in a context where women aren't really allowed to leave the home without a male (husband) escort. Others had no other option but to homeschool their kids, and truly despised the role! I came home with a new perspective; filled with thankfulness that I love spending time with my husband, that my children are a true joy and a blast to be around (notice the swords, ninja-style, stuck in the back of Noah's shirt as he helps me wash dishes in the picture!), that I have an amazing school that we can (somehow, but the grace of God!) afford to send them to, and that I can call up the import store in town and (usually) get chocolate chips when I want to! I realize just how many blessings I have and how many count the cost in such greater ways than I do. And it motivated me and stirred my heart to no end to see the joy with which so many are doing just that!

The last thing that I can't close out without mentioning is concerning adoption. Our closest friends here, Sam and Charis, have been waiting for a full year now for a "match"--which means they are given the name and information of a child who they will soon be able to adopt and bring into their home. And on Tuesday this week, it happened! After an excruciating process (for them and for all those walking the road with them!), they were finally given the name and photos of a little boy that they can hopefully have officially as their own in about 5 months. And I can't tell you the rejoicing in our home! And not only that, but also some dear friends back in Dallas were on the same match list, finding out the identity of their soon-to-be-adopted little girl, who is also in China in an orphanage right now! It is everything both Kevin and I can do to not jump the next train to the towns where the orphanages are and try to get in the front door to love on these little ones who will soon be in the homes of some amazing parents! The picture I've included is of a group of friends celebrating with Sam and Charis on the day they got all their paper work in to accept the child they've been matched with--a day well worth celebrating!! I can only begin to imagine the sp parallels concerning the adoption of each of us into His eternal family, and the joy it brings when one is brought in among the fold! No doubt His party puts our own to shame... :)