Don't Take the Cheese!

Kevin had a dream a few weeks ago that I thought summed up our emotional state perfectly. He dreamed that he was in a competition that involved two parts. The competition took place on a baseball mound; the first part required him to preach a sermon to the crowd and the second part was him having to pitch in the baseball game against San Francisco Giants All-Star Tim Lincecum! Ever since his days of playing pro baseball, he's had recurring dreams (or should I say nightmares!) during high-stress times of his life. The framework is always the same, with only slight variations. He's called in from the bullpen to pitch and realizes he can't find his glove, he's forgotten to put on his shoes, he has on the wrong uniform, etc. Each time, he's being asked to come in and do his job to support the team and he's unprepared to do so well! When he told me of this latest rendition of this nightmare with the sermon being included the next morning, we both couldn't help but laugh about it all through breakfast!

The number of stressors in our lives that are out of our control are really almost hilarious when we stop and add them up. In the last two weeks, we've had changes in our plans for visas for this next year, school for the kids, and how a huge chunk of our time is going to be spent for work and "extra" curricular activities. We've gone back and forth on wise financial decisions--specifically about purchasing a car and buying plane tickets to return to the US this summer. Our apartment is still on the market. Some of our family members are having health issues back in the US, with the severity still largely unknown. And the changes continue! I would love to give a status report, but know that again, so much is so up in the air that I would only have to spend the entire next blog making corrections! So for now, we'll suffice it to say that we're hoping in the next few weeks to be able to determine for sure where our visa is coming from (possibly Kevin and I both teaching part-time at the international school the kids attend or possibly from me being a full-time language student), what our involvement is going to be in our "extra curricular" activities as our meetings with those in charge continue, and then what we think we can afford long-term for the kids education (with Kevin and me teaching coming into play in regards to what their tuition will be). We did however, make one big decision as of last night--and that is that we ARE coming back to the States this summer for almost 6 weeks! We decided that if we waited until all the questions we have are answered there is no way we'd ever be able to make a decision. It feels like things change around here in the blink of an eye, so we might as well go ahead and pull the trigger on at least one of the things we have up in the air!  We're thrilled to be coming back, albeit brief, for a taste of home and some clean air in our lungs!

So after talking with a friend who's husband happens to be one of the international school principals, I found out that not only is the job that they are considering me for not what I thought (I thought it was high school English, when actually it is more of a special resources position for kids with language or learning difficulties), but there's  a decent chance that they don't need Kevin or me at all to fulfill specific roles.  I feel like I have been at the place where I was holding really loosely to our plan of school for the kids and my part-time job of teaching as well as the much looked-for visa it could provide, but this conversation still managed to rattle me much more than I expected.  I went to the school that morning to fulfill my volunteer hours with a knot in my stomach.  While I was at school and serving as the lunch room mom on duty for the elementary students, I was given the job of serving the kids cheese and salsa as they came through the line.  But I realized just how fragile my emotional state really was when my world was rocked by one teeny-weeny decision--the cheese being removed from my control!  Apparently I was being too generous with my cheese distribution, but rather than saying anything to me, the lunch ladies simply removed the container of cheese from my reach and put it behind the glass on their side of the counter.  I know--it sounds like I have completely lost my mind, but this one small thing that was once again taken out of my control rocked me beyond words!  I did recognize the humor of my response, even in the midst of the emotional moment, and I fought back the tears pricking my eyes as I went to sweet up the floor and wipe down the tables after the first wave of  1st and 2nd graders filed out of the cafeteria.  I kept looking at the janitors I was working alongside in the lunch room thinking, "I am so far away from the Major League wives section!" (the preferred seating where player's wives sit to watch the games).  Not that that is a bad thing--but shows how I am still adjusting and trying to identify just exactly what is my new normal--including my role of TIS janitorial staff!  I truly delight in our opportunities to eat a slice of humble pie every now and then, but I have to be honest and say that there are times (lots of them involving trying to learn and speak Chinese correctly, trying to communicate across cross-cultural lines, etc.) when my slice of humble pie feels more like I'm devouring the entire dessert!

We recognized for the first time the severity of some of the living situations that are part of our new normal this week.  I entered into the bathroom to find Noah chugging a cup of bathwater before I could yell for him to stop!  He immediately gave a, "Sorry Mom!" , but my worst fears came to pass as he ended up awakening that night vomiting and then having a brutal bout of diarrhea for the next 6 days.  Thankfully, he seems to be back to normal, and seems to even understand that the cause of his discomfort was him drinking the water that he has been told numerous times to avoid--so we're hoping to not have a repeat of the rumbly tummy anytime in the near future!  We also had a fun adventure taking my sister and her family to one of our favorite places--the flower and plant market in town.  It is filled with acres of greenhouses which enclose more plants, fish, and other critters than you can imagine--all available to buy for a fairly low price!  This trip we even found several unidentifiable creatures--kind of looked like salamanders but in bright colors like pink, turquoise, and green.  The highlight was taking them back to the "dog section", which is somewhat removed from the rest of the facility.  As Rob put it, he felt like he was walking right into a scene from a post-Apocalyptic movie set!  There were huge piles of debris and rubbish all over, and when you finally reached the dog area, the scene was pretty heart-wrenching.  Suffice it to say that there is no Chinese animal rights groups active that we can tell!  You can find really large dogs here--which is incredibly rare in China, as large dogs are usually outlawed within the city limits.  The condition of both the dogs and their living conditions were enough to make us pass through as quickly as we could, mainly fearing that my soft-hearted sister might decide to adopt the whole lot of them before we could escape.

In the midst of feeling some pretty heavy stress and the weight of just how intense our lack of control really is, we continue to experience His goodness, grace, and the newness of His mercy each morning.  It's in the little things--the package mailed from a college roommate's mother-in-law (whom I've only ever met twice!), the blossoms on the plumb trees which are finally emerging and showing us it's spring, the encouragement of seeing our friends here grow in maturity and their understanding of a concept which has required much labor to explain, feeding mangy deer at the zoo petting zoo (in photo) and crocodiles huge chicken carcuses--that we find comfort and encouragement to continue our daily journey, if some days only at a "plod"!  We rejoice in knowing that no matter how unstable our circumstances may be--even if the cheese is taken from our control--we have a Rock on whom to stand!

Cultural Distinctions

These last few weeks have flown by in a frenzy of activity--preparing for my sister and her family's arrival to China, meeting with our regular groups of friends here, and now enjoying a week off (for the kids at least!) for Spring Break! We've finally had our heat turn off (it was supposed to go off throughout the country on March 15, but the government agreed to extend it an extra five days due to the fact that a cold front came through, leaving several inches of snow still on the ground well past the March 15th planned cut off date. While we've enjoyed a day or two of weather that has gotten into the 60's, it can still be categorized here as "cold"! As I type, I have on my wool socks, house shoes, long underwear bottoms and jeans, and two layers of shirts on top. So while there are some buds on the trees and a few blossoms even beginning to appear, I'm not so sure that spring has truly arrived in Tianjin! We're hoping that (if the forecast is correct) our next week should be continually warming up, leaving us with weather nice enough to go outside and enjoy seeing some green beginning to pop up and even the tarps being taken down that they put up throughout the winter to protect any sort of natural landscaping from the cold and wind. Tianjin is known to be the city of roses, so in another month or two we should even start seeing some flowers bloom around town! So much to look forward to....

Over the past 2 weeks we've had quite a few humorous cultural differences pop up again--which is nothing new, but thought some of you might get a kick out of laughing along with us at some of the more obvious differences (and our usually awkward moments that surround them). So here's a brief overview of some of them:

• A few weeks ago I hosted a group of moms who were listening to a speaker about parenting according to the Book. While the group of ladies were at my house, one of them got a phone call from her mother-in-law stating that her father-in-law was currently in an ambulance en route to the hospital, and they needed her to meet them there immediately. While our Chinese friend hurriedly gathered her things together, her two close friends sitting next to her close enough to overhear the entire conversation leaned to me to whisper what was going on, explain why she needed to leave, and add that she needed a lot of money. Now this was all going on in Chinese, and I was a little confused by the money part, so I clarified with the girls' friends--"She needs money?" Their response--"Yes!" My next question--"So I should give her money?" Again--"Yes!" I found out a little later that she needed to take money to pay for the ambulance. The mystery still remains however as to why everyone in the room looked to me to provide the large sum of cash (which I thankful had on-hand as I had literally gone to the ATM to pull cash that morning just in case). When I asked my closest Chinese friends why they girls would all look to me to provide the money, rather than looking in their own wallets themselves, especially since they were much closer friends to the girl in need of money, I assumed the answer would be because I was the hostess of our gathering. Since we were in my house, it would maybe make sense for me to keep a stash of cash on hand? But alas, my closest friends all agree that this was probably NOT the case--that most Chinese people do NOT keep large amounts of money in their house, so I probably wasn't expected to either. So I still have no idea why the money was asked of me, but was thankful that I had it on-hand to provide, and honestly thankful too that the girl made sure to have every bit of it paid back by the following day!
• A funny moment revealed the difference in Western and Eastern thinking in the way of planning for things far in advance. I explained to my teacher one day that I needed to break during our 10 minute break time of class (we do 2 hour long one-on-one classes, but there's a short break in between that my teacher and I often just push on through if we're in the middle of something) because I needed to find another western friend to discuss birthday plans. My teacher, surprised, asked when my friend's birthday was. When I explained that it was April 14 (which at this time, was a good 3 weeks away) and that we were trying to coordinate a combined bday party (mine is May 5)--she looked liked I'd slapped her in the face! She exclaimed, "But your birthdays are still so far away!" I reminded her that we're Americans, so we put things on the calendar sometimes a full month in advance. She walked off to re-fill her hot water bottle chuckling all the way at the thought. (In contrast, we got an invitation just recently from a Chinese friend to her birthday gathering on a Thursday night when the party was Saturday, and she was disappointed that we had plans already made then! So the short-term planning is definitely a norm in the Chinese culture.)
• We received a rare invitation to a Chinese friends' home who only Kevin had met in person. This brave family has 3 kids of their own (I know, not legal here in China, and honestly still not sure how they have managed to get away with it), and invited our entire family of 6 over for dinner. It was quite a cultural experience for us all! As we walked through the entryway of the building, all the kids went from chattering away to completely silent. Finally, when we had wound our way through the hallways to reach the elevators, Hudson let out a breath and said, "Whoa. This is kind of creepy." Kevin and I kind of laughed and continued on. The family we were visiting lived in a 3 bedroom apartment--I'm guessing about 800 sq. ft. total (maybe less?). After meeting with our friends, having dinner (of which the kids barely touched, but handled pretty politely anyway), and letting the kids play awhile, Karis called me into one of the bedrooms to whisper "Are they poor?" I explained to her that they really weren't. That most families in China live in conditions much more difficult than this family did. I said all this while eyeing the mattresses on the floor with no bedframes (and asked myself, "Do we really need bed frames anyway?), while seeing the toys (few in comparison to what my kids think is normal) being stored in cardboard boxes in the kids' room, noticing that most of us were seated on overturned boxes rather than chairs at the small kitchen table that could fit a max of 4 people. It was simplicity like we rarely experience it. And I was so thankful that my kids had the opportunity to see and live it, even if just for a night (although it will hopefully be more frequent than that that we receive invitations into our friends "worlds"!). It definitely went a long way in changing our perspective in what we have and what is "normal".
• We're seriously evaluating whether or not we will return to the States this summer. Our original plan was to do so for a shorter length of time, but we're re-evaluating budget, time, etc., and trying to make a wise decision (thinking and pr-ing seriously about trying to purchase a car). So with this in mind, I've been confronted with the thought that I might not be able to return to the States to do my intended stock up on our most "needed" and wanted things. The biggest (besides medicines and toiletries that we can't get here)--is clothes. I've found myself wondering how I'm going to outfit my kids if I can't do a run to Target, Kohl's, or the outlet malls! I pride myself on being a bargain shopper, but it's next to impossible to do here, unless you make it your life goal to spend hours digging through stacks of dusty, dirty market table-tops in the hopes of finding some deal on some article of clothing that is actually in good condition (with no buttons missing, zippers broken, etc.) So I was thrilled when I found some decent-looking boys clothes (which are especially hard to find!) last week on sale at our larger supermarket in town. I couldn't help but laugh as I did compromise a bit--not to the extent that the boys will be wearing purple glitter heart shirts or anything (which is more the normal fashion here in Asia), but in the wording written on some of the shirts. When you find clothes with English on them here in China, you can almost bet that it's going to say something totally crazy or weird! So what did I end up with? Eli's two best shirts (which he loves, by the way) read as following: "If you were me, you would be cool too." And "Eat carrots back to school book." I saw a lady walking past me on the street today with a typical Chinese outfit on--black shiny leggings with a floral print embossed on them, a navy print flowy shirt, and some crazy high-heel black boots. I kind of groaned and wondered, "Is that going to be me a year from now?" I thought of my favorite jeans that I wear all the time which now have holes in both the knees, my long underwear which are matching in the hole category; not to mention my socks! Eesh! It's official. My worst fears are coming to fruition. One year of not visiting the States and I'm pretty certain I'm either going to turn into one of those jumper-wearing, hand-me-down only ladies who comes and visits your Sunday school classes periodically, or else I'll be donning crazy black shiny leggings and tacky high-heeled boots (depending on if the hand-me-downs or Chinese market purchases are more easily accessible). Look out! I know you all will be waiting for me at the airport just to see which route I go upon our next arrival Stateside...
• Our last funny cultural thing worth mentioning is a new family who we are becoming friends with, I think! We had a mutual friend give a Chinese family our phone number and they called, asking if we could help them as they want their child to learn English. Because they are a friend of a friend, by China's rules, we had no choice but to agree to meet with them (although the number of people wanting their kid to spend time with us and be in an English environment is absolutely nothing new, and honestly gets pretty old and hard to determine who exactly to spend time with because the number of these are so great!). Anyway, the conversation went from awkward to over pretty quickly (luckily it was Kevin on the phone with them) as we grew to understand that this mom did not just want to get together once to meet, but rather she was trying to figure out just how many times a week and how many hours a day she could have her child come over and hang out with me and Noah! I gave her 2 different mornings I had available to do playdates at our home that week, but this was obviously not what she was expecting. Furthermore, the mom herself is out of town in Beijing working every day, so it was the mother-in-law who would be coming. And on top of that, the child was only 1, so not yet even speaking Chinese, much less ready to learn or practice English! When my two offers of playdate times were not taken, I thought that maybe we wouldn't hear back from our new friends. But, would you believe that they decided to try again, so we actually have another time set up for the whole families to meet up tomorrow and go to a park together! It's sure to be another time to have some good laughs as we will not doubt continue to make blunder after blunder as we feel our way in the dark here.... :) Thankful to have my sister and her hubby and two boys here with us to drag them along to join in the fun and the memory-making!
  

More flexing...

Our flexibility practice continues! Last Sunday evening I answered a knock at our door to find a threesome of smiling Chinese folks on our doorstep. One of the men explained that he was a neighbor of ours and (somehow!) knew our landlord was selling our apartment. He had brought over his two friends who were interested in looking at it. The only problem, this was at 6:00 and I had just gotten dinner on the table and had six hungry kids (my 4 plus a friend and her 2 little ones) waiting on me to begin the dinner time circus! Furthermore, Kevin wasn't at home, so I really was trying to juggle about as much as I could handle at the moment! I explained to the smiling folks that I was so sorry, but I had just gotten dinner on the table, everyone was waiting on me to eat, and they would need to call the leasing agent to set up a time to call in advance to come and view the place (which is our normal SOP at this point). That's when it got interesting! The still-smiling neighbor pushed, and pushed, and pushed some more with his pleas to come in! The husband actually nudged his wife with his elbow, at which point she unzipped her coat to reveal a pregnant belly, hoping to earn some sympathy points. Obviously not realizing that I was an American, and this tactic was getting them nowhere, they tried the direct approach of explaining to me that the wife was pregnant and it wasn't convenient for her to have to get out again to come back over at a later date. Trying to suppress my laugh, I was able to get out that I actually had FOUR children on the ground, and NOW wasn't convenient for ME! This stumped them only long enough for me to say a quick word of departing pleasantries, encourage them to call the real estate office, and squeeze the door closed. I turned and questioned my friend if I was rude, but she agreed that in order to not have our home be the latest Yang Guang (the name of our apartment complex) side show with visitors coming by at all hours unannounced to see the place all the little foreigners, it was a necessary risk to draw a firm boundary! Still kind of hoping I don't run into that same neighbor any time soon...

This past Saturday we hired our favorite driver to take our family and two friends in town from the US who are hoping to move to China soon into Beijing for the day. We first hit our favorite Mexican food restaurant, then a quick stop at the import store, Starbucks for a special treat, and then finally landed at the Beijing zoo. Besides our two US friends needing to get to Beijing, we also wanted to connect with a young friend of Kevins who lives in a city in western China (which happens to be the furthest place inland in the entire world!) who was in town for a brief visit. This young man has an incredible story; he is part of a minority people group that feels very oppressed by the majority of the Chinese people. Because of this, he started a baseball league for minority youth who live in his city with the purpose being to teach the, to play baseball and to give them hope in the middle of a very oppressive life situation. In spite of this impressive endeavor, To be honest, I really wanted to meet this friend largely because I've had such a negative opinion of him, due to what seemed like some major character flaws that have come out over the almost three years that Kevin has known him. (Kevin has made a few trips to his city to bring him baseball equipment from the US and help train some of the coaches working in his league.). But I am pleased to say that my fears were assuaged upon our zoo meeting (which was my first meeting of this friend!). He was truly a joy to be around, and we had a great time visiting while we walked from one animal exhibition the next, with Kevin's friend especially bonding with Noah. The picture of all the huge cameras pointing in my direction was taken when we stopped to look at the ducks for long enough for the paparazzi to catch us! I've mentioned before that it is normal for the kids to get their pictures taken when we go out, but this one honestly surprised me because we were in Beijing, where the number of foreigners is MUCH greater and not nearly as novel. The kids posed and smiled, even giving a few "qiezi's" (which literally means eggplant but is the Chinese equivalent of saying “cheese”) to the delight of the many photographers!

I was so blessed to hear Kevin’s friend’s assessment of our family after spending so many hours with us. He mentioned several times how happy our kids were. Talk about making a mother’s heart glad! I often wonder with this overseas life we’ve chosen if our kids are really doing as well as I think they are, or if there is some part of me that is so hopeful that they are okay that I am just kind of building some sort of false reality that is my “happy place”. So it is always so encouraging to hear others come around and say in wonder, “Wow! Your kids just enjoy life and have fun wherever they are!” Making me think that what I am witnessing daily truly is reality, and that by His grace, we are doing as well as I hope! And even though I recognize that I have a major bias, I must say that even after spending 5 hours crammed in the back end of a van with all 4 kids (and at least one on my lap during that whole time), my kids really are a blast to be around. The hilarious comments never cease, and I’m so thankful for their love for one another!

And I did have lots of good pr time in the van as we experienced some road construction. Because one side of the interstate-equivalent between here and Beijing was closed down, they had both directions of traffic on the same side of the road. However, there were no lane divisions (other than the broken white lines on the normal freeway), so the flow of traffic kind of took on a life of its own! I looked up at one point to see that while we were flying at expressway-speeds, the order of things was definitely lacking! The two outermost lanes (one on each side of the road) were going one direction, while the two innermost lanes were going the other! And this was not necessarily set in stone, as cars were regularly swerving into the other lanes of opposing traffic in order to pass (or maybe just for the thrill of it?). I’m pretty sure that any “Pr Warrior” status I could have was bumped up a notch after that afternoon’s drive!

On Friday Eli had a school performance. The kids school (which is Tianjin International School) has just moved locations, and is in a beautiful and large facility, which is unfortunately located quite a distance away from our home! We’ve had a tough time over the last month and a half figuring out how to handle transportation, and have spent a good chunk of change on taxi fares. This week, Noah and I left the house an hour before Eli’s performance, leaving time for our walk to the taxi and any rush hour traffic we might encounter. What I didn’t leave enough time for was the difficulty in finding a taxi driver willing to drive us, then the taxi driver we DID finally land (after insisting that she did know the way especially after I showed her the map and address I was carrying of the school’s new location) not really knowing where she was going, and finally ending up at the entirely wrong International School. To make a long story short, Noah and I spent an hour in the taxi before making it to Eli’s auditorium in time to see his class filing out after the assembly. I will never forget the look on his face. At first it was just disappointment, but then (probably after he saw the tears coming down my cheeks—which had started long before while riding in the taxi and realizing that there was NO way we were going to make it to the school on time) he broke down in tears, clinging to me and asking to just go home. We stood outside the door hugging each other, both crying to much to speak as all the students, other parents, and even a principal that I don’t know too well who was waiting to meet with me after the assembly walked past. It was NOT one of my finer China moments! I kneeled there feeling totally whipped—wishing more than anything for the ease of my “former life”, where I thought a 15 minute drive to the kids’ preschool in my own mini-van, listening to my own music, driving on paved roads where people actually followed traffic laws was an inconvenience. We did finally both recover, and Eli’s teacher allowed Noah and I to go to his class time in the library with him, which went a long way in helping him bounce back and be ready for the rest of the day. I also had a sweet conversation with his principal, explaining the reason for my emotional scene of frustration at arriving so late after knowing how he was looking forward to my attending his performance, in which she gently reminded me that He holds all things together; even the traffic and my getting lost on the way is something that He can use in my life or in little Eli’s. I was thankful for Kevin’s insight; later that day he had a conversation with Eli during which he was able to further explain the circumstances of Noah and my late arrival. His response—he didn’t like that taxi driver very much! Good opportunity to talk about loving others even when their actions hurt you in some way.

The last few days this week have been somewhat reflective for both Kevin and myself. We’ve had friends in town from the US who do work with other Asia graduate and post-graduate students in the Boston area. This couple has been long-time friends of my parents, and their daughter was even my first pen pal while in elementary school, as she lived in Hong Kong while her dad did business there. After coming to our house to do a parenting study for a group of my Chinese friends (this woman has raised 3 kids and has written and published a book on the subject here in China), we had a long discussion. During our talk, although her attempt I think was to encourage and maybe exhort me some, the questions were raised as to if all we were doing (specifically learning the language—as this couple both can’t speak Chinese but use English and then translators, the food preparation I’d done to hostess, even living here in China) was truly necessary. Great questions! After all, this couple has a thriving outreach in the US; however they aren’t busting their tail trying to learn one of the more difficult languages in the world, they aren’t breathing in an incredible amount of pollution every day they step outside, they aren’t working for hours to fit the cultural expectation of cooking a ton to host people in your home. So is what we’re doing really necessary? I wrestled with this question for about 24 hours, and during my favorite times of listening during the day (for me, that’s my time jogging on my treadmill in the morning and riding my bike to class in the afternoons), the answer rang clear. For me, yes. It is necessary. And not for any other reason than that it is the invitation He has given me—that He has given my family. Yes, there are a ton of aspects of life here that I would want, no, make that that I would LOVE, to change, but the reality is that He has given me an invitation to do exactly what we are doing. And my job is to regularly go before His throne and ask if I am walking in step with Him. If my plans are according to His and not my own. If I am constantly in a state of listening and being willing to obey. And yes, that makes what I am doing, in spite of all the inconvenience and hassle it brings, necessary in my life.

When we left the US to move to China I came with the promise of Isaiah 43 firmly planted in my heart—that no matter what the circumstances of life might bring, He would walk with me, He would sustain me, He would make a way when it seemed that there was not one. Specifically the verse that says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overcome you.” I have often clung to this passage over the last 2 ½ years. But as I once again reflected on this passage this week, I felt the challenge to “step it up a notch” in my thinking. To not just look at where we are as a feeble attempt to hang on with all we’ve got, trusting that the water won’t overcome us. But rather to look at the rough water that lies before me as my chance to step out of the boat in complete abandon and total trust of the one who made the seas. To not just make it through, but to fix my eyes on Him and therefore actually rise above what my limited mind thinks is normal and rational expectations for life—specifically for the lives of me and my family while living in China—to walk on the water. I’ve got to be honest, those steps of faith are not coming easily or naturally. I’m being pushed beyond what is comfortable. I’m watching those I love be pushed to take those same steps. And the natural response, I find, is to want to retreat to the peaceful tranquility of what is normal, what is familiar, what is routine. And even there, He is waiting. But what excitement, what adventure lies beyond the edge of the boat as I’m willing to lift one foot at a time and take those next steps with my eyes fixed on Him….

Blessed are the flexible...

...for they shall bend and not break! This is a quote a friend shared with me concerning surviving life in China and the certain instability it brings. Quite timely considering how we have been able to practice our flexibility this past week....

We received a phone call from our landlord on Saturday a week and a half ago, telling us they had decided to sell our apartment in which we are living. We still have a year and a half left on our lease, but by Chinese law the owner is really under no obligation to us. So our landlord is saying that she is only going to sell to someone who will keep our current lease agreement, but we know enough to know that the chances of that happening are slim to none! Because our landlord is a keen business woman, she was crafty enough to wait until the week after she'd received our next 6-months lease payment; which leaves us in this pickle. We have a clause in our lease that says we can't break our lease agreement without having to pay a penalty fee; the landlord however can sell the apartment at will. So we are stuck not being able to look for another apartment to rent without having to pay a steep penalty while she has 6 months of the apartment being paid for by renters in which she can have people coming whenever to look at buying the apartment. Now the good news is, we are assuming that we should have no problem getting our rent money back for the months we don't live here, assuming the apartment does sell before our August 15th date; but we haven't even clarified that yet at this point! We're just going off of precedence from what others have experienced... We've also found out that even if they sell our apartment today, they should give us one month legally before they can force us to leave. So we're thankful that our apartment is not too big and has very little storage space, leaving us living off of necessities rather than the "stuff" that can so easily accumulate!!

Our other area of flexibility practice came after Kevin's recent discussions with our potential business partner who lives in Beijing. After this past week's meeting, it seems like the business that we thought our friend would have started by now still has quite a way to go--which means we are still quite a ways away from that being a possible visa option for us! Considering that our student visa status is up in April, we're obviously counting the days and really putting to pr what our next step is. Kevin is more than done with being a student--he's really flown through all the material they have to offer and is honestly just ready to be done in the classroom after almost 3 years. I, on the other hand, feel like I've really hit my groove this year as far as hitting some major mile markers in language, and would LOVE the chance to devote more time to my studies. So our best option at this point is for me to go to school as a full-time student starting this fall (which would be 4 mornings a week), being as all 4 kids can be in school at that point (Noah going each morning for half-days either at the international school or possibly even the Chinese local school--still debating and pr-ing over that one!); this would provide me a student visa and Kevin and "accompanying spouse" visa--enough for our family to stay and have another year to figure out what long-term visa options might be available.

With all this instability and how quickly even the biggest things in life change here with such a feeling of being so out-of-control, I'm really thankful for the "experiment" I've been running for the last 3 weeks! As I mentioned in my last post, I've just come off this week of a "hostessing sabbatical", and I am so refreshed and renewed from the time! I am thrilled to announce that my hopes were surpassed; I was truly able to feel the difference of stillness and peace in my heart as the weeks progressed and I was able to be still longer and "go deeper" in my time with the Maker. It is a difficult thing to describe. I don't think anyone on the outside will see any major life change as a result of the past 3 weeks. But I also know that a change was wrought in my heart. A yearning for intimacy with Him re-awakened. A desire to know fully and be more fully known. A sense of joy over just being His child rather than necessarily seeing of being a part of His work. I am wondering if this "experiment" was providential in His timing, knowing the hurdles we're having to face now with the instability of knowing we might have to pack up and move at any given moment and knowing that we, after one and a half years of thinking we had a great business plan in motion, now seem to be back to square one in how to stay in this place we now consider home. I can truly say in the midst of this chaos that peace reigns--in our hearts and in our homes in an incredible way! And now we're back in the saddle again; we picked right up with our schedule of hostessing and spending time with friends. One slight difference--we're trying to pr through each opportunity and use our time as wisely as possible, and we're going into this next semester feeling more re-charged than usual!

Kevin walked in the door from class last week to find Karis sitting with our household helper (ayi) with her Book open on the floor in front of them. Now, keep in mind, besides "no", ayi doesn't speak a word of English. And Karis speaks about as much Chinese! Nonetheless, Karis was attempting to share, and ayi was graciously trying to understand. Upon Kevin's arrival, Karis had Kevin come and sit with them and spend the next 20 minutes translating the Story, from the beginning to the end, making sure to include all her favorite parts. Ayi kindly listened, and then they all walked away, with Kevin thinking ayi had just humored Karis because of her great love for her. But about an hour later, ayi approached Kevin, asking him pointed questions that we've never heard her ask in the 2 years she's worked for us! Kevin and Karis were both elated, and the story continues, but probably the rest of the exciting details will need to wait to share in person, as we're hoping that this journey of discovery for her is only at the beginning! Oh, and the other funny providential piece is why Karis was at home. All the kids had gotten a fever virus that circulated through our house. On Sunday afternoon, Karis and Eli both still had fevers, so I begrudgingly agreed that they should stay home from school the following day, going against everything within me that said "surely they are healthy enough to go to school and don't need to stay home!". I listened to that still small voice instead, however, and allowed the two kids to stay home from school with ayi while I was out, thus providing the opportunity for this precious interaction to take place! We decided even sick days every now and then can be used for His glory and are well worth any discomfort they may bring!

I concluded my 3-weeks off this past weekend by attending a conference in Beijing. Unfortunately I can't give a lot of details, but suffice it to say that the most encouraging aspect of the time for me besides the time just being away from my normal routine with a bunch of women who were all on the same page with big life things, was that I was drawn to be so thankful for so many aspects of the life that I've been called to here in Tianjin. So many of the women I met were from places where life is just hard! Some lived in places without any running water, and they had to haul their own water daily to use for showering and washing dishes. Others lived 5 hours from any other English-speaking foreigners, making their regular fellowship practically non-existant. Others had husbands who were on the road most of the month, leaving them home with kids and in a context where women aren't really allowed to leave the home without a male (husband) escort. Others had no other option but to homeschool their kids, and truly despised the role! I came home with a new perspective; filled with thankfulness that I love spending time with my husband, that my children are a true joy and a blast to be around (notice the swords, ninja-style, stuck in the back of Noah's shirt as he helps me wash dishes in the picture!), that I have an amazing school that we can (somehow, but the grace of God!) afford to send them to, and that I can call up the import store in town and (usually) get chocolate chips when I want to! I realize just how many blessings I have and how many count the cost in such greater ways than I do. And it motivated me and stirred my heart to no end to see the joy with which so many are doing just that!

The last thing that I can't close out without mentioning is concerning adoption. Our closest friends here, Sam and Charis, have been waiting for a full year now for a "match"--which means they are given the name and information of a child who they will soon be able to adopt and bring into their home. And on Tuesday this week, it happened! After an excruciating process (for them and for all those walking the road with them!), they were finally given the name and photos of a little boy that they can hopefully have officially as their own in about 5 months. And I can't tell you the rejoicing in our home! And not only that, but also some dear friends back in Dallas were on the same match list, finding out the identity of their soon-to-be-adopted little girl, who is also in China in an orphanage right now! It is everything both Kevin and I can do to not jump the next train to the towns where the orphanages are and try to get in the front door to love on these little ones who will soon be in the homes of some amazing parents! The picture I've included is of a group of friends celebrating with Sam and Charis on the day they got all their paper work in to accept the child they've been matched with--a day well worth celebrating!! I can only begin to imagine the sp parallels concerning the adoption of each of us into His eternal family, and the joy it brings when one is brought in among the fold! No doubt His party puts our own to shame... :)

Taking it Easy

These last two weeks since our return from Thailand have been noticeably calmer than our usual weekly routine! While in Thailand, we made a decision to take an intentional break for a short time--mainly at my conviction and mainly in the areas of hostessing others in our home. I'd gotten to the point that although I LOVED all that we were doing and all the people we were having come over on a regular basis, I was also noticing a restlessness inside me if we DIDN'T have our schedule filled to overflowing with people lined up to come to our home. Besides the fact that the hostessing element in and of itself is exhausting and several close friends here were warning me about them seeing impending burn-out on our radar, I also decided that maybe it was time for me to do a little more heart examination about this restlessness I was feeling, and see if I could get to the bottom of what might be the root cause. While I don't feel like I have all the answers after only 2 weeks, I will say that I have been really challenged by what I have seen and what has been revealed--mainly my own pride in thinking that so much of what happens around me and to others around me is dependent on me rather than on Him. I have been challenged to have my faith in Him grow to a whole new level and my control (or desire to control things) diminish. And has it ever! I feel daily the battle of wanting to try to control or manipulate things or circumstances around me, and regularly am reminded of my this being an opportunity to grow in Him.

I also recognized that this area of desiring to have control over things in my life was largely tied to my busy schedule. I do LOVE hostessing and entertaining, but I am also seeing how it is somewhat of a coping mechanism in my life that I use to numb myself to some of the bigger stressors we experience in living overseas. I felt this most poignantly upon our immediate return from Thailand. Each time we leave the country and return, Kevin and I both have what we describe as an "unsettled" feeling; we have a day or two of thinking, "Where am I?", "What am I supposed to be doing again?", "Is this really home?", etc. My immediate response to this unsettled feeling is to jump back into the game with both feet, with schedule out and texts being sent out in rapid succession to line up as many events as we can that are outreach related. This time, due to my intentional "break" from hostessing, I couldn't do that. And I really felt it! I had an anxiousness about me that I couldn't shake for a good 2 days, but thankfully which has gradually decreased over the last week and a half.

So rather than having our usual regular friends and dinner guests over these past two weeks, I've tried to use the evening times to practice being still. My hope is that over these weeks (I have a little less than one more to go before my self-allotted period of "cease hostessing" comes to an end), I will be able to experience within my heart an increased time and degree of stillness. That I will be able to be content just being and not having to be constantly doing (guessing most of you are familiar with the Mary and Martha story....) in order to feel like I am being productive or effective in life.

All that long explanation--quite possibly more than you wanted to hear!--to say that these past few weeks have been slower than the norm at the Joseph household. The kids started back to school right away (the day after we returned from Thailand, the photo showing them all dressed up for China Day) and Kevin and I have each had a week or so of classes ourselves. We celebrated Valentine's day with our dear friends Mr. Rob and Ms. Barbara, eating heart-shaped hamburgers and jello at their house. Kevin preached at our International Fellowship this past Sunday. And the kids have been getting some of their energy out on the new contraption we have hanging in the doorway of our guest room--a bar that has both a swing and trapeze bar attachment that a friend sent for Christmas (you can see Noah on it in the picture). And the highlight of our week--my sister and her husband (and their two boys) have purchased tickets and are planning their trip to China! They come next month and are staying for 3 months, and we couldn't be more excited!

Thailand Adventure

Our family has just returned from two wonderful weeks in Thailand. The first week we spent basking in the sunshine on a remote beach at our family's favorite vacation spot on this side of the globe. We spent days swimming, catching hermit crabs, avoiding tiny jelly fish, fishing at 6am in the morning, hiking in a breath-taking cave in a national park, and feeding fruit to the wild monkeys on Monkey Island. It was fantastic! We had sweet family time, and even got to share it with Lief, Kevin's best friend here in China who came with us for the first 5 days. It was his first time out of the country to such a place, and hearing his take on things was fascinating and eye-opening for Kevin and me. I don't even think of culture shock as being something you would deal with in going from China to tropical paradise--and yet he did for sure! On one of our first days there we drove about 45 minutes to the nearest larger city for dinner, and Lief asked us on the way where all the tall buildings were. We reminded him that there weren't nearly as many people in Thailand as China, so therefore there was no need for the sky scrapers that literally cover the horizon of every Chinese city Lief has ever been to. But the question sure brought our environment into a whole new light for Kevin and I as we tried to experience it all through Lief's eyes!

Our second week was spent meeting with friends, who have become dear to us over the years. We had another great week of getting encouraged and fed, even though the only wild monkeys present at this location were our own kids! It sure filled their tanks to have such sweet time interacting with other ex-pat kids to whom they can really connect with on a deeper level.

Since we've returned, we've been battling our own fair dose of culture shock! We got into the Beijing airport at 2 am after our flight was an hour late, only to discover that our driver just didn't show up to get us (even after Kevin had gotten a texted confirmation from him that day!). No explanation when Kevin called him at 2 am from the airport, just a statement that he was at home in Tianjin--a 3-hour drive away from where we were waiting! With kids literally melting down in exhaustion and a couple new to China along with us, we scrambled to figure out how to get 8 people and all our luggage back to our city. We eventually came up with 2 drivers who liked to smoke, didn't really know the route to get us home, and charged us a small fortune for the incredibly-cramped 3 hour drive they took us on. We DID eventually arrive safely home and crawled in bed at 6:30 am, thankful that our kids too were tired enough to get several hours of sleep in before they were up and at 'em, ready to play with their own toys again after their absence. We had a low-key rest day on Sunday, which was much needed as they all started back to school on Monday.

One other aspect of our culture shock has been the continuing of the Chinese New Year celebration. It is CRAZY here! I only wish I could record the exploding fireworks that are constantly exploding all around us. Last night they started by 6pm and were still continuing when I awakened at about midnight. And not just a few--but literally non-stop. The kids entertained themselves after dinner by running from one widow to another within the apartment to see which display of fireworks at the moment was most eye-catching. Any direction you looked, there were at least half a dozen being set off--and of all varieties. Everything from the loud ones that boom with such force they fairly shake the walls, to the bright exploding colors that shower down all around you. I chuckled as I walked the kids from the bus stop. There, in the open courtyard of our building, was a stand filled with fire extinguishers for public use! I was trying to imagine such unrestricted use of fireworks any where in the US. I also shuddered when I considered what my sister (an ER nurse) had told me about the 4th of July in the US and the number of burn victims that came in on that particular night; I can only imagine with the lack of expertise and the prevalence of their use here that the injuries are much worse and much more common!

In addition to dodging the fire extinguishers and piles of rubbish all over left from the debris of the fireworks, we also were dodging piles of vomit all over the ground. I can only assume that drinking here at this time is also at an all-time high, as the revelry seems to take whatever form is most raucous. Instead of the kids just calling out the common warning of "Watch the poop!" as we made our usual trek to the bus stop, it was coupled with "Watch the throw up!" as well over the last few mornings....Must say there are a few aspects of Thailand that I prefer to China (besides the warm sunshine and clear blue skies!).... :)

Bike Ride

The kids have been riding their bikes more and more lately in our apartment courtyard area. (And I should note that this is largely due to our unusually warm winter we've enjoyed! It has yet to really snow, and the temperatures have gotten above freezing most days, which is incredibly different from our last two year here.) So Kevin and I decided that the older two were ready for a real challenge, and we proposed the idea of riding bikes together to the McDonalds that is probably about 2 miles away from our home. The kids LOVED the idea, so on Saturday morning, we took off with the older two wearing their helmets and the little two boys on the backs of Kevin's and my bike. We sure didn't set any speed records on our journey, but made it across the railroad tracks, through some pretty hairy intersections, and the entire distance (with only one or two stops to rest our legs!) with everyone still alive at the end! I realized during our trek that Eli is definitely in need of a larger bike with bigger wheels. The poor thing had to peddle about 10 times for every 1 the rest of us had to make (even including Karis!), so his cheeks were quite flushed and he was sweating pretty much by the time we arrived to enjoy our chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers.

Besides our bike adventure, our week has been a slower-paced one than usual. We entertained some of our Chinese friends for dinner on Friday night. One of the funnier moments was when one friend asked another friend if she was pregnant. The girl being asked actually was, but very few people knew about it at that point! And we still can't figure out how the one asking knew about the pregnancy. She assured us she hadn't heard from anyone else, she could just "tell"! (And since the one pregnant is so early on, there are no outward signs yet at this point.) It was pretty funny, and pretty awkward, too! This let to some other interesting conversations. One being her sharing with me the ideas in Chinese medicine of why you have indigestion when you're pregnant--especially during your 3rd trimester. That is when the baby is growing hair on it's head, which is the direct cause of the mother's indigestion. Hmmmm....

The other thing that rocked my world was hearing this friend talk about another good friend of hers who is also pregnant. The friend is 39 weeks already, and is having a very difficult time eating much because her indigestion is so uncomfortable (nothing unusual there!)! What is unusual, is my friend's display of friendship to this girl. The pregnant friend feels like she can eat more and with less discomfort when our mutual friend is around. Therefore, my friend, who is a police officer and has an incredibly busy work schedule, on top of big family demands, etc., travels to Beijing two times a week simply to sit with her pregnant friend while she eats! (It's only a 40 minute train ride between our cities, but there's always additional travel time, including sub way, taxi, etc, which would probably make her travel time closer to 1 1/2 or 2 hours each way.) Talk about loyalty! The Chinese culture takes the loyalty amongst friends to a whole new level!

We've continued to enjoy my "running machine"--or my "big toy" as Noah refers to it. You can see his favorite way to exercise these days (normally right before bath time!) from the photo! (never mind--my husband just censored the half-nude shot from behind!) The other pics are of the kids' creations they made out of marshmellows and toothpicks (which turned in to part of their afternoon snack, as I'm sure you can imagine!) None of the structures actually could fit into the mugs of hot chocolate that went along with their afternoon treat, but that didn't seem to bother them in the least!

The rest of this week has been busy preparing to leave town. We head to Thailand in a few days and are counting down the time til we are in the sun, the clean air, and enjoying a brief break from our usual routine! Next post should have a slightly different background that the normal skyline of Tianjin... :)