These last two weeks since our return from Thailand have been noticeably calmer than our usual weekly routine! While in Thailand, we made a decision to take an intentional break for a short time--mainly at my conviction and mainly in the areas of hostessing others in our home. I'd gotten to the point that although I LOVED all that we were doing and all the people we were having come over on a regular basis, I was also noticing a restlessness inside me if we DIDN'T have our schedule filled to overflowing with people lined up to come to our home. Besides the fact that the hostessing element in and of itself is exhausting and several close friends here were warning me about them seeing impending burn-out on our radar, I also decided that maybe it was time for me to do a little more heart examination about this restlessness I was feeling, and see if I could get to the bottom of what might be the root cause. While I don't feel like I have all the answers after only 2 weeks, I will say that I have been really challenged by what I have seen and what has been revealed--mainly my own pride in thinking that so much of what happens around me and to others around me is dependent on me rather than on Him. I have been challenged to have my faith in Him grow to a whole new level and my control (or desire to control things) diminish. And has it ever! I feel daily the battle of wanting to try to control or manipulate things or circumstances around me, and regularly am reminded of my this being an opportunity to grow in Him.
I also recognized that this area of desiring to have control over things in my life was largely tied to my busy schedule. I do LOVE hostessing and entertaining, but I am also seeing how it is somewhat of a coping mechanism in my life that I use to numb myself to some of the bigger stressors we experience in living overseas. I felt this most poignantly upon our immediate return from Thailand. Each time we leave the country and return, Kevin and I both have what we describe as an "unsettled" feeling; we have a day or two of thinking, "Where am I?", "What am I supposed to be doing again?", "Is this really home?", etc. My immediate response to this unsettled feeling is to jump back into the game with both feet, with schedule out and texts being sent out in rapid succession to line up as many events as we can that are outreach related. This time, due to my intentional "break" from hostessing, I couldn't do that. And I really felt it! I had an anxiousness about me that I couldn't shake for a good 2 days, but thankfully which has gradually decreased over the last week and a half.
So rather than having our usual regular friends and dinner guests over these past two weeks, I've tried to use the evening times to practice being still. My hope is that over these weeks (I have a little less than one more to go before my self-allotted period of "cease hostessing" comes to an end), I will be able to experience within my heart an increased time and degree of stillness. That I will be able to be content just being and not having to be constantly doing (guessing most of you are familiar with the Mary and Martha story....) in order to feel like I am being productive or effective in life.
All that long explanation--quite possibly more than you wanted to hear!--to say that these past few weeks have been slower than the norm at the Joseph household. The kids started back to school right away (the day after we returned from Thailand, the photo showing them all dressed up for China Day) and Kevin and I have each had a week or so of classes ourselves. We celebrated Valentine's day with our dear friends Mr. Rob and Ms. Barbara, eating heart-shaped hamburgers and jello at their house. Kevin preached at our International Fellowship this past Sunday. And the kids have been getting some of their energy out on the new contraption we have hanging in the doorway of our guest room--a bar that has both a swing and trapeze bar attachment that a friend sent for Christmas (you can see Noah on it in the picture). And the highlight of our week--my sister and her husband (and their two boys) have purchased tickets and are planning their trip to China! They come next month and are staying for 3 months, and we couldn't be more excited!
