Our flexibility practice continues! Last Sunday evening I answered a knock at our door to find a threesome of smiling Chinese folks on our doorstep. One of the men explained that he was a neighbor of ours and (somehow!) knew our landlord was selling our apartment. He had brought over his two friends who were interested in looking at it. The only problem, this was at 6:00 and I had just gotten dinner on the table and had six hungry kids (my 4 plus a friend and her 2 little ones) waiting on me to begin the dinner time circus! Furthermore, Kevin wasn't at home, so I really was trying to juggle about as much as I could handle at the moment! I explained to the smiling folks that I was so sorry, but I had just gotten dinner on the table, everyone was waiting on me to eat, and they would need to call the leasing agent to set up a time to call in advance to come and view the place (which is our normal SOP at this point). That's when it got interesting! The still-smiling neighbor pushed, and pushed, and pushed some more with his pleas to come in! The husband actually nudged his wife with his elbow, at which point she unzipped her coat to reveal a pregnant belly, hoping to earn some sympathy points. Obviously not realizing that I was an American, and this tactic was getting them nowhere, they tried the direct approach of explaining to me that the wife was pregnant and it wasn't convenient for her to have to get out again to come back over at a later date. Trying to suppress my laugh, I was able to get out that I actually had FOUR children on the ground, and NOW wasn't convenient for ME! This stumped them only long enough for me to say a quick word of departing pleasantries, encourage them to call the real estate office, and squeeze the door closed. I turned and questioned my friend if I was rude, but she agreed that in order to not have our home be the latest Yang Guang (the name of our apartment complex) side show with visitors coming by at all hours unannounced to see the place all the little foreigners, it was a necessary risk to draw a firm boundary! Still kind of hoping I don't run into that same neighbor any time soon...
This past Saturday we hired our favorite driver to take our family and two friends in town from the US who are hoping to move to China soon into Beijing for the day. We first hit our favorite Mexican food restaurant, then a quick stop at the import store, Starbucks for a special treat, and then finally landed at the Beijing zoo. Besides our two US friends needing to get to Beijing, we also wanted to connect with a young friend of Kevins who lives in a city in western China (which happens to be the furthest place inland in the entire world!) who was in town for a brief visit. This young man has an incredible story; he is part of a minority people group that feels very oppressed by the majority of the Chinese people. Because of this, he started a baseball league for minority youth who live in his city with the purpose being to teach the, to play baseball and to give them hope in the middle of a very oppressive life situation. In spite of this impressive endeavor, To be honest, I really wanted to meet this friend largely because I've had such a negative opinion of him, due to what seemed like some major character flaws that have come out over the almost three years that Kevin has known him. (Kevin has made a few trips to his city to bring him baseball equipment from the US and help train some of the coaches working in his league.). But I am pleased to say that my fears were assuaged upon our zoo meeting (which was my first meeting of this friend!). He was truly a joy to be around, and we had a great time visiting while we walked from one animal exhibition the next, with Kevin's friend especially bonding with Noah. The picture of all the huge cameras pointing in my direction was taken when we stopped to look at the ducks for long enough for the paparazzi to catch us! I've mentioned before that it is normal for the kids to get their pictures taken when we go out, but this one honestly surprised me because we were in Beijing, where the number of foreigners is MUCH greater and not nearly as novel. The kids posed and smiled, even giving a few "qiezi's" (which literally means eggplant but is the Chinese equivalent of saying “cheese”) to the delight of the many photographers!
I was so blessed to hear Kevin’s friend’s assessment of our family after spending so many hours with us. He mentioned several times how happy our kids were. Talk about making a mother’s heart glad! I often wonder with this overseas life we’ve chosen if our kids are really doing as well as I think they are, or if there is some part of me that is so hopeful that they are okay that I am just kind of building some sort of false reality that is my “happy place”. So it is always so encouraging to hear others come around and say in wonder, “Wow! Your kids just enjoy life and have fun wherever they are!” Making me think that what I am witnessing daily truly is reality, and that by His grace, we are doing as well as I hope! And even though I recognize that I have a major bias, I must say that even after spending 5 hours crammed in the back end of a van with all 4 kids (and at least one on my lap during that whole time), my kids really are a blast to be around. The hilarious comments never cease, and I’m so thankful for their love for one another!
And I did have lots of good pr time in the van as we experienced some road construction. Because one side of the interstate-equivalent between here and Beijing was closed down, they had both directions of traffic on the same side of the road. However, there were no lane divisions (other than the broken white lines on the normal freeway), so the flow of traffic kind of took on a life of its own! I looked up at one point to see that while we were flying at expressway-speeds, the order of things was definitely lacking! The two outermost lanes (one on each side of the road) were going one direction, while the two innermost lanes were going the other! And this was not necessarily set in stone, as cars were regularly swerving into the other lanes of opposing traffic in order to pass (or maybe just for the thrill of it?). I’m pretty sure that any “Pr Warrior” status I could have was bumped up a notch after that afternoon’s drive!
On Friday Eli had a school performance. The kids school (which is Tianjin International School) has just moved locations, and is in a beautiful and large facility, which is unfortunately located quite a distance away from our home! We’ve had a tough time over the last month and a half figuring out how to handle transportation, and have spent a good chunk of change on taxi fares. This week, Noah and I left the house an hour before Eli’s performance, leaving time for our walk to the taxi and any rush hour traffic we might encounter. What I didn’t leave enough time for was the difficulty in finding a taxi driver willing to drive us, then the taxi driver we DID finally land (after insisting that she did know the way especially after I showed her the map and address I was carrying of the school’s new location) not really knowing where she was going, and finally ending up at the entirely wrong International School. To make a long story short, Noah and I spent an hour in the taxi before making it to Eli’s auditorium in time to see his class filing out after the assembly. I will never forget the look on his face. At first it was just disappointment, but then (probably after he saw the tears coming down my cheeks—which had started long before while riding in the taxi and realizing that there was NO way we were going to make it to the school on time) he broke down in tears, clinging to me and asking to just go home. We stood outside the door hugging each other, both crying to much to speak as all the students, other parents, and even a principal that I don’t know too well who was waiting to meet with me after the assembly walked past. It was NOT one of my finer China moments! I kneeled there feeling totally whipped—wishing more than anything for the ease of my “former life”, where I thought a 15 minute drive to the kids’ preschool in my own mini-van, listening to my own music, driving on paved roads where people actually followed traffic laws was an inconvenience. We did finally both recover, and Eli’s teacher allowed Noah and I to go to his class time in the library with him, which went a long way in helping him bounce back and be ready for the rest of the day. I also had a sweet conversation with his principal, explaining the reason for my emotional scene of frustration at arriving so late after knowing how he was looking forward to my attending his performance, in which she gently reminded me that He holds all things together; even the traffic and my getting lost on the way is something that He can use in my life or in little Eli’s. I was thankful for Kevin’s insight; later that day he had a conversation with Eli during which he was able to further explain the circumstances of Noah and my late arrival. His response—he didn’t like that taxi driver very much! Good opportunity to talk about loving others even when their actions hurt you in some way.
The last few days this week have been somewhat reflective for both Kevin and myself. We’ve had friends in town from the US who do work with other Asia graduate and post-graduate students in the Boston area. This couple has been long-time friends of my parents, and their daughter was even my first pen pal while in elementary school, as she lived in Hong Kong while her dad did business there. After coming to our house to do a parenting study for a group of my Chinese friends (this woman has raised 3 kids and has written and published a book on the subject here in China), we had a long discussion. During our talk, although her attempt I think was to encourage and maybe exhort me some, the questions were raised as to if all we were doing (specifically learning the language—as this couple both can’t speak Chinese but use English and then translators, the food preparation I’d done to hostess, even living here in China) was truly necessary. Great questions! After all, this couple has a thriving outreach in the US; however they aren’t busting their tail trying to learn one of the more difficult languages in the world, they aren’t breathing in an incredible amount of pollution every day they step outside, they aren’t working for hours to fit the cultural expectation of cooking a ton to host people in your home. So is what we’re doing really necessary? I wrestled with this question for about 24 hours, and during my favorite times of listening during the day (for me, that’s my time jogging on my treadmill in the morning and riding my bike to class in the afternoons), the answer rang clear. For me, yes. It is necessary. And not for any other reason than that it is the invitation He has given me—that He has given my family. Yes, there are a ton of aspects of life here that I would want, no, make that that I would LOVE, to change, but the reality is that He has given me an invitation to do exactly what we are doing. And my job is to regularly go before His throne and ask if I am walking in step with Him. If my plans are according to His and not my own. If I am constantly in a state of listening and being willing to obey. And yes, that makes what I am doing, in spite of all the inconvenience and hassle it brings, necessary in my life.
When we left the US to move to China I came with the promise of Isaiah 43 firmly planted in my heart—that no matter what the circumstances of life might bring, He would walk with me, He would sustain me, He would make a way when it seemed that there was not one. Specifically the verse that says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overcome you.” I have often clung to this passage over the last 2 ½ years. But as I once again reflected on this passage this week, I felt the challenge to “step it up a notch” in my thinking. To not just look at where we are as a feeble attempt to hang on with all we’ve got, trusting that the water won’t overcome us. But rather to look at the rough water that lies before me as my chance to step out of the boat in complete abandon and total trust of the one who made the seas. To not just make it through, but to fix my eyes on Him and therefore actually rise above what my limited mind thinks is normal and rational expectations for life—specifically for the lives of me and my family while living in China—to walk on the water. I’ve got to be honest, those steps of faith are not coming easily or naturally. I’m being pushed beyond what is comfortable. I’m watching those I love be pushed to take those same steps. And the natural response, I find, is to want to retreat to the peaceful tranquility of what is normal, what is familiar, what is routine. And even there, He is waiting. But what excitement, what adventure lies beyond the edge of the boat as I’m willing to lift one foot at a time and take those next steps with my eyes fixed on Him….
