On the days when I get frustrated by some of the challenges here (some of my more recent ones have been the constant battle against the accumulation of filth, with the need to clean my floors and dust literally every 2 or 3 days unless the dust bunnies are going to completely overtake my domain, not to mention the stress of trying to get the kids safely from one place to another in an extremely highly-populated area with very few "safe" spaces to move--like sidewalks that don't have cars on them, and the fact that I have one bathroom in our apartment and I'm REALLY tired of feeling like someone has to poop every time I'm in there [don't worry about us too much, my sister is sending some air freshener in the next care package!]), I've found it helps me to do a "count my blessings" exercise (lots of you have probably read Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts). Kevin has graciously agreed to cut his work day short on Thursdays so that I can get an hour or two away from the house, so we started this new part of our routine this week. The time out walking without worrying about anyone else did so much to refresh my soul! As I explored more of our area that I had yet to see, I was elated to see the spring blooms of the cherry blossoms. The photo is of one in our courtyard, with our apartment building being in view right behind. It was a sweet reminder of His gifts of renewal and the constant motion of things, and an encouraging reminder that while this season of transition has many trials, it really is just a season that too shall change.
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| Inside of Kevin's office, where the boys can even play ball! |
One of the songs that we chose to have in our wedding 13 years ago was "All in All." I chose it because I not only loved the melody, but also because it was a great challenge to me personally to have my thoughts on High. On that day, when it is natural for your eyes to be totally fixed on your groom, I wanted the reminder, and the challenge, to be that I wanted to love Him even more than I loved Kevin, knowing that as we both had that as our aim, we would naturally be drawn into deeper union with one another. That song is somewhat outdated, but I've found that same theme repeated in so many of my favorite more contemporary songs that I love to listen to in worship. And the call to me, the challenge, is still the same. "Nothing on earth compares...." is hard to sing when my heart is frustrated with my longings for clean air, for green grass that we can walk on, for Tex Mex food and a good cup of coffee. It reveals the many things that compete, and I often have to wrestle with and confess that there are lots of things that at least to some degree in my flesh vie to take His place as being truly all that I need. So the journey continues, the one in which striving to be filled with Him and resting in Him and His abundant provision, rather than waiting for the next good thing that might come and bring some relief from the stress or some momentary pleasure...
I had to laugh at the irony this morning when I awoke. I've been waiting for a full month to exercise, and I thought this morning was going to be "it!" Yesterday I had a breakthrough. For the first time, I saw a woman in our apartment complex out jogging. Yes, truly jogging. She had on a full sweatsuit, but her head wasn't covered, and she was most definitely jogging laps around the maze of sidewalks that wind through our community (which is probably about a mile in circumference around our gated-in section). I've been asking around and watching out my windows each morning trying to figure out what is culturally appropriate for women exercising, especially outdoors, but haven't been able to get any solid information. Most of the local people I've mentioned it to just say that it's weird, but don't seem opposed. The foreign ladies I know all say they don't think it's objectionable, it's just depressing to them personally because it's so dirty and crowded that it makes it exhausting rather than refreshing. On top of finally have a precedent for at least one other woman out exercising in the morning, we also have gotten permission from our landlord to go into the apartment next door. We're still hoping that we can rent this small apartment from her to use as our schoolhouse, but she hasn't been able to get permission from the authorities to do so yet. She has given us the key, however, and is now allowing us to store some of our things there till we figure out if we need them in the school house or need to give them away, and I've also just put my treadmill in there (which survived the move with only a small amount of super glue needed to make the repairs!). Unfortunately, when we awakened this morning, our air quality index was off the charts (in the unhealthy direction) and you can hardly see one building over because the pollution is so bad. So no outdoor running after all, and our air purifiers haven't been running in the next door apartment, leaving those levels of pollution there too high to be exercising. :( Bummer. But also makes me thankful that we've had SUCH clear skies for weeks, and hopefully they will resume again maybe even by tomorrow, so I can try my "experimental exercise" again early in the morning, in the hopes that I don't ostracize our community in my attempts to let off some steam by working out!
On Saturday, we had the second week of the baseball clinics that Kevin and his business partner are running. It was so fun to see how the same kids who came the previous week returned, this time with friends who were also eager to learn about baseball in an English-speaking environment. We actually had two turkeys on the field this week, and they weren't there this week, which made me sad (because it was so stinking hilarious to see turkeys gobbling at the kids as they did their running drills right past them) but made the coaching job a bit easier for the guys! While I am there, I spend some of the time helping out (bringing around water to the kids, especially this week when it was about 88 degrees and HOT, and running to grab stuff as they need it), but most of the time I get to sit and visit with the other moms who are there. It's such a diverse group--a very few westerners, lots of U women, and several Chinese. So language and communication is pretty funny, but somehow works! Since everyone around here speaks Chinese, that is kind of the default. This week, the U ladies came up with an idea. Instead of just sitting around (and wasting time, as they put it!), we should be studying togethers. So we're planning on doing a language and culture swap, where I'll prepare some questions and topics I'd like to study in Chinese or U, and they will prepare some that they want me to discuss in English. When it was first suggested, I'll be honest, I kind of wilted, thinking, "I sort of like 'wasting time' and just being able to relax and visit without having to be teaching my kids or having too much structure." But after a very few minutes, I realized that this would not only take very little time to prep for, but it is also an amazing opportunity to go deeper with these women, who seem really willing to do so, and have some intentional time talking and sharing with them. So I'm excited about next week and our first class!
My last thought before our kids emerge from their rooms and our school day begins: living in community (with unity) is hard. Many of you reading this probably know that this past week we've been working through some tough issues with another western family who lives here. We've been trained in group dynamics and how, especially when you're living in the pressure cooker of living cross-culturally with only a few number of other foreigners, there is a period of "storming" before you get to the "norming" stage. And man, have we apparently caused some storms here! There really are so few of us westerners here that every friendship is affected by our arrival. All of a sudden, the family of the 7 year old feels left out because the neighboring 12 year old now likes to hang out with my 11 year old more than the younger girl. And there are three 9 year old boys, which because of it being a threesome, makes it more natural for one to feel like the other two are better buddies than he is. And what about the 8 year old? Should he always be included with the 9 year olds, or if he's just left to hang out with the 5 year olds is he being excluded? It's unbelievable. And that's not even to mention the parents. It's so easy to get territorial with your friendships when you only have a few of them, as all the other ex-pats around you live a good hour away. Eeesh. So we've had lots of drama this last week as we've tried to navigate relationships in a way that has everyone feeling loved and included, and man, it's not easy. I think we're finally in a better place where we can more openly communicate and have a better understanding of personality differences, expectations, etc., but I'll also admit that especially as we're transitioning and I'm trying to figure out just where exactly I fit in (Should I be studying this second new language to work more closely alongside Kevin? Is all I do homeschool my kids and try to get a meal on the table? In this community where wives are much less opinionated than I am in general, am I offensive by being my more outspoken self when men are around? Is it okay for me to be one of the only people to be exercising in public, or will I be a total freak show if I do?), the aspect of trying to be so careful in friendships sure does add a significant amount of stress that I wish was easier to bear! Sooooooo thankful that the kids are loving their new buddies here, and asking for grace that the storms we bring will end up in norms that bless those around us!